A day in the life

It’s been a while since I’ve had anything valuable to contribute but let me start off with an excuse: my life is retarded. I mean that literally, not figuratively, not “my life is a retard, lol, it can’t wipe its own ass,” nor do I mean my brain is as fucked up as it should be. Let’s just say my career is a Ford Tempo, the transmission’s shot and I’m stuck in first.

So let’s get right down to it and be real straight here. I took a shitty job in what is ironically the most beautiful, unhappiest city in all of Virginia. That’s because Roanoke is a basin, meaning it is surrounded on most sides by mountains. But since it isn’t completely surrounded by mountains, it owns peculiar weather phenomena collectively known as ‘thermal updraft’. Thermal updraft means that the most beautiful county in Virginia collects a negligible amount of rain in the summertime and snow in the winter. It is very basic and sees few extremes, not counting the population which politically, is extremely conservative. And that’s hilarious.

Like acid, I recommend the Nickels and Dimes lifestyle to anyone who hasn’t tried it at least once – especially yuppie, Starbucks-drinking assholes who call themselves young professionals and attend three-dollar plays at the local college theatre. That’s because this time spent living out my worst nightmare has given me time to assess what my life is really all about, as well as what my life is, what it is not, and what it has yet to become; I’ve also had a lot of time to sit back and figure out what I like about our world and what I truly despise.

Being a man, I have dreams. I am driven by them to do better things with my life than just feel good all the time and kick back to enjoy Futurama on my home-theater system with Dolby Surround Sound two-point-one and widescreen progressive scan. This is because my dreams don’t include these luxuries – at least not yet, anyway. So naturally I have nothing in my life, no things of great value (short of my delicious camera), no fast car, no hi-fidelity stereo, no big-screen TV, no PDAs, cell phone, or $300 sunglasses with matching buttplug. I have only one thing: the desire for a lifestyle that supports my anti-materialistic, anti-establishment, anti-grocery store, anti-dealership, anti-salesman, anti-control, anti-monetary, anti-social, pro-freedom (anti-reality), pro-critical attitude and thought process toward humanity and the forces that corrupt its potential goodness.

The following list of things are key contributors to the poisoning of our existence as men know it today:

1) women
2) greed & envy
3) 1+2

Women are the source of all jealousy, greed, hate, envy, desire and insecurity needed for one rock-virus such as ourselves to sustain its doubling reproduction every forty years. We always have to prove ourselves worthy of someone, something, or some status daily in order to “earn” our “right” to the fruits of the tree of life. Without a woman, there would be no need for expensive watches, nice suits or beautiful cars (not muscle cars, and not sports cars, because those are very manly things; but “luxury” SUVs, sedans and mini-vans are all shit we buy because women like it).

Women are the reason men die early. Subsequently, women are the reason men don’t mind dying early in spite of the horribly twisted fact that our counterparts live decades beyond their years of usefulness. This should confuse and infuriate us men, but it does not. This is because we get everything we want out of life by the time we’re thirty, and we still get to enjoy it for another twenty years past that, given that all of our drinking, cigar-smoking and partying don’t kill us before we reach fifty (fifty years is the target age for any real man; any later than that and you’re starting to get greedy but any earlier and you might feel cheated since you haven’t yet gotten to live long enough to see your wife hit menopause). Women, on the other hand, are never happy with their lives unless they have a man around to validate them by feeding them all the shit that women want to hear: how pretty and skinny they are and always will be, how intelligent they are, and most importantly, how much they are needed in spite of their inability to do anything for themselves. It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s true, because almost everything a woman says is a lie and they live under the illusion that we believe what they say and so they want to believe what they hear. Women hang on every word a man has to say about them because they know we are smart, strong-willed and driven, so our words are the only words they can believe in since women are too insecure and doubtful of themselves to maintain their own opinions and any real self-confidence or direction.

Watching young women try to conceive something besides a child is like watching a one-armed man jerk off while driving down the road. Something is always going to be left unattended and eventually there will either be a crash or the payoff will fall flat and never come.

Now how do greed and jealousy tie into all of this? Women gauge how much you “love” them by how jealous you are of the other men that they talk to. Not only is this absurdly reckless, it is irresponsible and dangerous to all parties involved. Women make men greedy because they believe the only way for us to show that we love them is to want them all to ourselves. This implies that men are as lazy as women and that we do not enjoy working to satisfy them in meaningful, lasting ways and that’s just not true. Women believe that if they say something, then it is true and thus will be written into the pages of history that you stifle and control them by giving them stability, peace of mind, comfort, warmth, power and self-esteem.

If a woman wants me to be jealous of a guy she talks to because they share a similar interest in books and t-shirts and painting and other feminine activities, I do just the opposite. I withdraw my support for her and suddenly the pseudo-intellectual tough-guy she was talking to doesn’t make her feel so special anymore. Suddenly she realizes she is an ugly and unlikeable person. This is because the puppy-eyes and failed attempts at romance from a spineless middle-aged man who might otherwise be a woman if it weren’t for that improperly-issued penis pinched between his legs doesn’t stand up to the lasting potency of a real man’s affection. This is because women like men who are in control of their lives and don’t answer to retail supervisors. Real men answer to their calling in life, the loudest voice of them all that tells them to ignore everything but the itching desire to shit out masterpieces like the one you are reading now. Real men who are motivated only by what they want get everything they want, and nothing they don’t.

Women take whatever shit life shovels out to them and that is why they cheat, lie and slobber on whatever crosses their path. It’s just whatever happened to be there. What a woman wants changes like the weather. The reason you can’t get too comfortable with the rain here in Roanoke is the same reason you can’t trust a woman. There are more reasons for them to go than to stay. Roanoke has thermal updrafts and it pushes the clouds out; women have moody upswings and when there isn’t a substantial man around to appreciate it, anything will do. Like water, a woman’s desire follows the path of least resistance. Because they have no soul that a man didn’t substantiate, they will always need a certain man for a certain job. I don’t make excuses for anyone’s incompetence but there’s always someone who will.

This woman is smiling because she has no accountability.

A man makes his own path and doesn’t listen to where people tell him to go or their directions on how to get there because he knows how to read a map – especially since he wrote the fucking map. My map takes me around greed and envy, past incompetence, through the layers of false personality, and over the walls put up by women, the government, colleagues, higher-ups, the company you work for, and into the ultimate success the soul that I built hungers for night and day, woman or no woman, school or no school, work or no work, house or no house, website or no website. This is the way I am and the way you are, and the way we are meant to be.

Relax, and enjoy what life doesn’t offer but you have anyway because you took it, like a man.