Casio Watch Recall – All Owners Report DIRECTLY To Guantanamo Bay for Re-/Un-Americanization

GUANTANAMO CASIO CONNECTIONAll Casio watch-owners have been ordered by the United States Department of Defense to report directly to the Florida coast where boats are waiting to take them to the infamous Guantanamo Bay holding facility in Cuba.

There are two types of watch brands available to most Middle Easterners: Casio and Fossil. Terrorists use Casio watches in the arming of IEDs. Many of us had these throughout our childhoods and didn’t realize it. They’re small, cheap, tell the day of the week and the time just fine, and cost probably $5 or 10 at the market.

When asked what effect this would have, if any, on President Obama’s controversial promise to close the military holding facility, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney told Americans to “Never give up hope.”

The Casio watch with a compass pointing to Mecca – the one used by the Guantanamo Bay guards as an excuse to detain an innocent Muslim man indefinitely – actually costs between $80 and 200.

He was arrested and interrogated for simply wearing this Casio watch. Their mistake, right?

“Well, we saw that it was a Casio but didn’t realize at the time how nice it was.”

But he was detained for less, using their mistake as the impetus for his continued detention; based only on theĀ invalidĀ assumption that being a Muslim made him a terrorist, since his watch, regardless of the model, contained a compass pointing straight at Mecca.

But even if he was interested in making a bomb, there is no reason to use a watch that nice. Bomb watches are stuck into an IED. Anyway, wouldn’t it be counter-intuitive that a Muslim should blow up a watch with the unique capability of pointing to Mecca?

The specific model used by terrorists is the Casio F-91W model or its silver variant, the A-159W, costing around $8.

The only reason for his continued captivity seems to be contempt for him either as a person, a Muslim or a non-American – all of which are threats to national security.

Keep up the good work, storm-troopers.

Americans, get back in your cages. Shock treatment is to begin promptly at 4 a.m. and must be administered on an empty stomach [or you will be forcefully purged].

9 comments to Casio Watch Recall – All Owners Report DIRECTLY To Guantanamo Bay for Re-/Un-Americanization

  • geo>u

    i would very much like to see an article about donald trump. if you dont, i will. personally i would rather you do it

  • Pseudonymous

    we don’t do requests. start your own web site. kthnx

    • Anonymous

      most motherfuckers just can’at get enough of that for ever when it’s like all I wanna do is freeze baby and it’s just the whole world locks down on you and you can’t get no respect no loving no hate no freedom nothing.

  • TEA PARTY

    i feel like the smartest person on teapartynation.com, maybe because I am. their material is much more comical than your’s here at the chronicle

    • You ARE the smartest person on TeaPartyNation, because you have come here.

      I feel like a spy, just belonging to that group and getting to see their circlejerk with my own eyes.

      • TEA PARTY

        rofl, go check out the comments on page 2 of the article “why sarah palin can *legally* claim the preisdency from Obama”
        their attempt to reply to me are pretty pathetic. The author of the article told me “stay in Cairo” lol.

  • TEA PARTY

    read the article as well, plenty of lulz, but the lack of intelligence is quite astonishing

  • TEA PARTY

    Good someone with a glimpse of testicular fortitude.
    I like how you fools refer to yourselves as patriotic. How is worrying about where our current president was born patriotic? How is an endless barrage of slander toward our PRESIDENT patriotic? I deem myself more patriotic than all of you combined. You might be thinking, “thats absurd!” Let me explain:
    you see, I care deeply for my country and fellow Americans, NOT for a “party” that spends too much time and money trying to beat the Democrats (or Republicans if your a Democrat reading this). I care about real issues such as education, immigrant, race relations (affirmative action is a JOKE, don’t know if its rep. or dem., but its dumb), the FDA’s diminshing standards and precedures, our incessant need to involve ourselves in nearly every world affiar, whether we are wanted or not, and etc…

    And I’m sure you WONT reply, because you need what little intelligence you have for the real world, not a blog

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