Dangerous chemicals discovered in organic food

All these chemicals in our food explain the diarrhea we've been experiencing.

Chronicle.SU hired an independent chemistry lab to test food products for dangerous chemicals. When the lab results came back, we were forced to completely reevaluate our individual diets.

The lab tests showed that nearly 80% of all food consumed by the modern human contains dangerous chemicals from the monosaccharide and polysaccharide families. Pectin, dextran, agar, and xanthan were present in dangerously high levels. We tested organic foods and the levels were even higher.

Even more shocking are the insanely dangerous levels of Oxidane in every single beverage analyzed. Oxidane is a powerful solvent used in nuclear power plants.¬†The trendy health drink Kombucha was found to have such high levels of Oxidane that the lab technicians declared it completely unfit for consumption. [pullquote]“Do not drink Kombucha. It is completely tainted with Oxidane” ~ Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour[/pullquote]

The deadly chemical Dihydrogen Monoxide was also found in soft drinks, bottled water, and children’s fruit boxes. In excess quantities, Dihydrogen Monoxide will lead to spontaneous death by suffocation, blocking oxygen absorption in the lungs.

The meat industry has secretly kept the pervasive presence of Phenalalinine in their products a secret. Phenalalinine is extremely deadly and is used to make the sweet tasting rat poison Aspartame.

Perhaps the most shocking chemical that we discovered is ethanol. Alarmingly high percentages of ethanol are found in liquor and beer, and this chemical is a major component of VX nerve gas. VX gas is the most dangerous nerve agent ever discovered, and is recognized as a weapon of mass destruction by the United Nations. And it’s in all our alcoholic beverages!

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