The definitive guide to trolling the Tea Party

Trolling such hardened trolls as the Tea Party is one of the most difficult of trolls and has even been called “impossible” by some. However, Chronicle.SU has found the exploit and is gracious enough to share it with you. Some of these tactics have been adopted from Grady Warren, master troll and scam artist. Chronicle.SU has honed his method into a more subversive and powerful edge, which can certainly be polished further by the internet community at large.

Trolling Method:

  1. Begin with glittering pro American rhetoric that does nothing but praise the homeland. Use Sarah Palin’s speeches as a reference for super-effective catchphrases. Do not leave the slightest hint of sarcasm here! You must love America! Make the best possible use of American imagery.
  2. Avoid mentioning the Tea Party by name. Any attacks on the holy name of the Tea Party will be instantly deflected by deep love for the “savior” of America. Instead, attack individuals. Attack any places that Tea Party members congregate. Avoid saying questionable things about anything that falls under the sacred banner of the Tea Party.
  3. Tea Party members are largely illiterate, so video or audio is the preferable medium. Make the most creative use of any audio or video site where you think Tea Party members are likely to congregate. Radio shows like Sean Hannity are especially troll-proof, but I have heard at least one good troll get through and PWN the fuck out of Hannity. It isn’t impossible with the right plan. Open lines Friday gives the most leeway for trolling. This type of radio show absolutely loves to hear from young conservatives.
  4. Troll on the right platform! A video on LiveLeak will go a lot farther to troll Tea Party members than a video on YouTube. Anything that is used by young people is completely useless for trolling the Tea Party.
  5. The Tea Party wishes that more young people and minorities were involved in their movement. It helps their poor image as a bunch of old racists. Use your status as a young person or minority for leverage when developing your Troll. This will go a long way towards success.
  6. Keep your target audience in mind. They are old people who are afraid of everything except never ending war.
  7. Keep the heart of your troll mild and undetectable. If that is not your style, save the outlandish statements for the end. Always have the response you want in mind, and be an effective troll. Practice trolling on 4chan if you’ve never trolled before. Take notes from successful trolls. There is nothing sadder than a complete n00b desperately trying to troll the Tea Party. Don’t give up if you don’t get it right the first time. The Tea Party is the hardest troll out there.

Here is an example of the super-rare Tea Party troll as successfully carried out by the glorious Chronicle.SU.

A message to “LiveLeak”

 

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