Anders Behring Breivik: A different kind of terrorist

"There was a relatively hot girl on the restaurant today checking me out. Refined individuals like myself is a rare commodity here so I notice I do get a lot of attention in both the southern and the northern town. It's the way I dress and look."

Anders Breivik is a different kind of terrorist, born and bred in a typical suburban setting. His personal log is littered with ridiculous emoticons and netspeak, often departing on long-winded diatribes about how necessary it is for a revolutionary to practice thrift. Yet Breivik was unable to complete his terror attack without maxing out 10 credit cards and falling into debt with the fertilizer company. Still, Breivik maintained a bizarrely lavish lifestyle that he wrote about in great detail. After reading through his journal, I can only conclude that it’s a miracle the guy killed a single person. The man chronicles his own idiocy extensively yet truly expects to be remembered as a hero. Evil? No. He’s just the stupidest man in existence. While this all might seem like a bad joke, I assure you this story is taken from Breivik’s personal journal, a part of 2083: A European Declaration of Independence.

On August 2, 2010, Anders Breivik pulled into Prague driving a dumpy-looking Hyundai Atos he purchased just for this trip, in the hopes that it would not draw attention. He had heard Prague was a great place for the illegal weapons trade, and he meant to buy an AK-47, a 9mm Glock, 4 frag grenades and armor piercing ammunition. However, he only acquired two hookers and never made connections with arms dealers. “The people I approached got really nervous and thought I was either a cop or completely nuts, lol.” Brievik, an extreme conservative christian, justified his sexual indiscretions in the light of his holy intentions to purchase arms, “…screwing around outside of marriage is after all a relatively small sin compared to the huge amounts of grace I am about to generate with my martyrdom operation.” Breivik also praised the relative safety of Prague. The only criminals in Prague, he noted, were Christian and not Muslim. He described the trip as fun, and decided it had not been a complete waste. However, he did bemoan the death of his precious iPod on the drive home.

Brievik ended up buying weapons through legal channels in Norway, and showed his sense of humor when describing the application for the purchase of a Ruger Mini 14 semi-automatic rifle, “… I stated: ‘hunting deer’. It would have been tempting to just write the truth; ‘executing category A and B cultural Marxists/multiculturalist traitors’ just to see their reaction:P” Like every other stage of his operation, Breivik spared absolutely no expense in outfitting his rifle, ordering an 800 Euro silencer and a 400 Euro custom stock. Breivik also purchased 99% pure nicotine from China that he intended to inject into hollow point bullets, for a poisonous effect. After he received the poison in the mail, he never mentioned it again. Breivik’s order for the silencer fell through because of a logistical problem, but he always looked at the bright side of things, “The only bonus I guess is that by eliminating the silencer aspect allows me to order and equip a bayonet instead. So I guess; “Marxist on a stick” will soon become an exclusive Knights Templar Europe trademark:D.”

Breivik often chronicled intense steroid-fueled weight lifting sessions, which were an escape from the hard work of preparing the terror attack. “I’m in the middle of another steroid cycle at the moment, training hard to exceed my 92 kg record from July. I’m currently at 90 kg and hope to reach at least 95 kg. Perhaps ill even reach 100 kg before I end the cycle in 4 week’s time!:-)” Breivik also enjoyed the television serial, Dexter, during this period. He found it “Quite hilarious.”

When Brievik began acquiring the ingredients for bomb-making, his resolve seemed to falter. He kept his morale up by rewarding himself with World of Warcraft: Cataclysm. During this time, he took a temporary break from steroids to focus on learning the art of bomb-making. The call of steroids seemed to be too much for Brievik to resist.

Breivik began another ‘steroid cycle’ and spent 12 entire days working on this terrible video. He was somewhat unhappy with the final product’s resolution, which is understandable because of the massive walls of unreadable tiny text. During this time, he acquired a higher rank in the Freemasons but stopped attending meetings to finish his terror plot.

Breivik continued having second thoughts about his project and wrote about how the world will view him. He imagined his life after the attack. “When I wake up at the hospital, after surviving the gunshot wounds inflicted on me, I realize at least for me personally, I will be waking up to a world of shit, a living nightmare.” However, Breivik dreamed wistfully of future deportation of Marxists to Turkey, and seemed to think he’d be viewed as a hero, in the long run.

Breivik was forced to sell his beloved watch and pen for 2000 Euros as his initial capital began to dry up. It’s around this time that Breivik began his first explosives manufacturing. He struggled with simple tasks like crushing aspirin pills, opting to bash them between plastic sheets with a dumbbell rather than using a common household blender. It didn’t work. This insanity was likely a result of the steroids. After this early failure, Brievik became despondent and wrote, “I went a restaurant in the northern town that evening and enjoyed a three course meal. I later watched a few episodes of ‘the Shield’.” It appears that such lavish expenses were equally important to Breivik’s plot as the explosives themselves.

In May, Brievik began the most intensive part of his operation, maxing out 3 credit cards to pay for the lease on a beet farm and rent a Fiat Doblo. Leasing the farm was necessary because Brievik still needed a huge supply of fertilizer to complete his bombs. The farm doubled as a rural location well-suited for covert bomb-making activities. Brievik moved to the farm and began earnest work on the bombs. Brievik became severely paranoid at this stage of his operation, and noted several close calls with military units, police officers and neighbors.  He packed a backpack with survival supplies and came up with a laughable plan to escape into the wilderness.

Truly insane at this point, Brievik spent 750 Euros on a dumbbell set to crush the fertilizer pellets, hoping for better results than he got with the aspirin. Like before, it didn’t work. Predictably, he went to a restaurant and bought another three course meal in celebration of his insane stupidity. The idea of using a food processor dawned on Brievik a second time, and he followed through. He purchased 12 different blenders for testing and found that Electrolux made the best brand. The next day, he drove from city to city, purchasing 6 of the extremely rare Electrolux blenders. Brievik finally had the set up he needed to produce real explosives.

Then one night the power went out, frying Brievik’s computer – an extremely essential part of his operation. He prayed to God for help, or rather, told God what needed to happen, “I explained to God that unless he wanted the Marxist-Islamic alliance and the certain Islamic takeover of Europe to completely annihilate European Christendom within the next hundred years he must ensure that the warriors fighting for the preservation of European Christendom prevail. He must ensure that I succeed with my mission and as such; contribute to inspire thousands of other revolutionary conservatives/nationalists; antiCommunists and anti-Islamists throughout the European world.” Three days later he had his first successful detonation, and celebrated with a three course meal. He told God who was who.

Brievik began to run low on funds again and withdrew the maximum amount of cash from ten credit cards to continue his operation. Nevertheless, he was late on the payments for the fertilizer and the rent on his farm. Suffering from the effects of steroid withdrawal, Brievik drove to Oslo to acquire more steroids. He took this opportunity to program his bomb delivery route on his Garmin GPS.

Brievik had buried a cache of body armor and steroids in a remote location, using a highly expensive and advanced water-tight chest to keep it in top condition. He dug this up in the July heat, wearing a heavy poncho and sweating profusely. Luckily, he was able to hydrate himself with his camel-back.

Having developed an entire process for manufacturing explosives, Brievik now set to work mass-producing the final bombs he would use in his terror attack. His plan was in full-swing, and he continued to reward himself for his hard work with large doses of steroids, candy, and delicate foodstuffs. As his respirator and safety gear began to fail, Brievik mentioned that he attempted to off-set potential poisoning by taking herbal supplements.

His log ended with mysterious statements about mineral extraction, investors and the ominous statement, “First coming costume party this autumn, dress up as a police officer. Arrive with insignias:-) Will be awesome as people will be very astonished:-)”

6 comments to Anders Behring Breivik: A different kind of terrorist

  • ADAM, EVE & THE LORD JESUS CHRIST SAID, “NO NUCLEAR PROGRAM, NO ARMAMENTS & NO MISSILES. ALSO, I PRONOUNCED ALL PEOPLES MARRIED AT CONCEPTION SINGULARLY TO THE OPPOSITE SEX HUSBANDS & WIVES OF THEIR YOUTH IN HADES, SHEOL, HELL, PARADISE, OLD HEAVEN, OLD EARTH, NEW HEAVENS & NEW EARTH IN THE NAME OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AMEN.

    Since energy usage has become the equivalent of harlotry, murder& adultery, energy users are being threatened with the lake of fire by Adam, Eve & the Lord Jesus Christ. I am now married to Anders Behring Breivik 09/20/2011 by the Lord Jesus Christ. I already have children, grandchildren & great grandchildren. Thank you for reading.

    GOD IS NOT WILLING THAT ANY SHOULD PERISH, BUT THAT ALL MIGHT BELIEVE ON HIS NAME-JESUS. Repent & be baptized! Jesus said, “I am God there is none besides me.” “I am the Way, the Truth & the Life. No man comes to the Father except by me.” “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” “As many as received Him to them He gave the power to become the sons of God the Father even to those who believe on His name.” Jesus’ healing ministry began with adult baptism.

    A New Agenda: We the people need no gas & no electric to have a man child with the spouses of our youth around the world. We shall build homes without electric, without gas, without roofs that exceed 7 & 1/2 feet, & with incinerators to burn garbage, burn dung, burn urine, & burn blood rags so that the entire sisterhood has a man child with the husbands of their youth.

    TAKE MY CONFESSION WITH YOU. I have smoked cigars for 11 years & have no lungs, liver & kidneys at 45 years old. I continue to live through the Lord Jesus Christ as I received the Holy Spirit at 4 years old & was baptized as an adult in 1997. I continue to read my Bible& now use burned dung, urine, blood rags& tobacco butts to make meat offerings to eat. The Old Testament says that burned dung, urine, & blood rags were a part of the laws of Moses. Yes, it was in 2001 while I was driving to Florida that I was talking to the saints in heaven& Isaiah said, “You know that 70 years from now the sun will be dimmed in the sky” Oh, I said, “I don’t know.” I went back over the Old Testament& it said, “The sun shall be dimmed in the sky” & “I shall make them eat the grass of the field.” & “all these things shall come to pass” before theLord Jesus Christ returns.

    4 years ago I was stamping my feet at work over the excessive electric usage & complaining that I didn’t have a husband & children to God the Father. I prayed, kneeling at my bed as to adopting children. Then while I was at work I adopted over 500 children in Swahili (I was born with a spot-was a reject in Hebrew) to find out what day it was. I had been taught prophesy at Wheaton Evangelical Free Churchin 1979 & 1980. We went back & forth in time while Governor Blagovich was verifying. We came up with 17 years of darkened sun before July 29, 2081.

    July 29, 2081-the rapture of believers in Christ Jesus-all those who received the Holy Spirit-at the trumpet sound in heaven-1st the dead & then the living ascended to heaven in a twinkling of an eye

    July 29, 2081-2088-the Great Tribulation-God’s wrath is poured out on the earth, Judgment of the Believers in Christ Jesus & the Marriage Supper of the Lamb in heaven

    2088-3057-the Reign of Christ Jesus-(the Bible stated “1000 years” & in actuality it was 969 years)

    3057-3059-the Devil is loosed out of the pit –(the Bible stated “a time & a half” & in actuality it was 1 & three fourths years)-the battle of Armageddon-the nations are drawn together for the last battle in the Valley of Megiddo-the Lord Jesus comes down of a white horse with the words, “King of Kings, Lord of Lords” written on His thigh & a sword comes out of His mouth to destroy all who are in the battle. The bible says that the blood runs a “horses’ bridle high” & birds feed on the bodies.

    3059-the old heavens& the old earth pass away & the new heavens & new earth are created by the Lord Jesus Christ-at this point in time the Lord Jesus says,“Depart from me I never knew you.” to all who died in the battle of Armageddon, to those who took the mark of the beast in their right hand or forehead during the tribulation, to all who died during our time without receiving the Holy Spirit, & to all those who died during the flood of Noah’s day in wickedness. Jesus says, “In this world you shall have trouble, but I have overcome the world.”

    Jesus says, “If we confess our sins He is faithful & just to forgive us our sins & to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Blessed are those whose sins are covered to whom the arm of the Lord has been revealed.

    Sincerely through Lord Jesus Christ, Allison Grace Karalus

  • The Lord Jesus Christ married us 09/20/2011. Prior to the shooting I would have never met him.

  • shaun

    90% of his log was taken from the uni-bomber according to Webster Tarpley

  • Kilgore

    well written trout

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