NYPD Officer Signs Lucrative Pepper Spray Endorsement Contract

Anthony Bologna

Anthony Bologna protects freedom from socialists.

New York–NYPD officer Anthony Bologna, seen here macing individuals, has reportedly picked up major sponsorship from industry leading pepper spray manufacturer Lebal Drocer, Incorporated.

Some condemn the action as grievous, saying Lebal Drocer’s sponsorship of state terrorism is a predictable move toward a police culture that is protective of the rich and oppresses an American majority. However some hail the endorsement as a bold move into uncharted new marketable territories. It is a market Wall Street analysts said went untapped “for good reasons,” but has since shown promise of fresh capital brokers can’t wait to sink their teeth into.

Lebal Drocer spokesman Raleigh Sakers said Bologna has been on their radar since 2004 when he arrested anti-war protesters and made them sit in pee. Sakers said Bologna’s mistreatment of “faggy leftists” sat well with him but until recently was unsure of the officer’s ability to violate a larger number of civil rights in a shorter period of time using their product.

“We’re glad he’s willing to mace groups of people without hesitation or discrimination as to what they may or may not be doing at any given moment,” Sakers told reporters.

Since picking up a lucrative sponsorship deal from Lebal Drocer, Officer Bologna now has quotas to meet, which he said is difficult as competitors scramble for his endorsement of other crowd control related paraphernalia such as riot shields, stun guns, police tasers and rape sticks.

To meet the daily objectives Lebal Drocer has set out for him, Bologna routinely employs the help of fellow officers by asking them to encircle peaceful protesters with orange netting, wherein he is able to mace upwards of dozens at a time in one effortless sweep of the arm.

Hardest of all, said Bologna, is all the work yet to be done. With social upheaval on his doorstep, and protesters rattling the very foundations of the old American Corporatocracy, Bologna said he is but one man, among so many.

“I’d mace them all, if only I could,” he said.

3 comments to NYPD Officer Signs Lucrative Pepper Spray Endorsement Contract

  • Bologna the hater was payed in spades. He was put in his place by higher up haters cops and even obama told the mayor and chief to take care of him. He still has a job so far but lost money and his name address phone number and his kids name were posted on line. He was also shown on TV programs pepper spraying little girls and made fun of too. He felt this to the bone trust me. You could say the blue wall fell on top of him the way 89% of nypd are running away from him.
    Hey tony Bologna
    Dig a ditch you’ll fall into it.

  • Bologna the hater was payed in spades. He was put in his place by higher up haters cops and even obama told the mayor and chief to take care of him. He still has a job so far but lost money and his name address phone number and his kids name were posted on line. He was also shown on TV programs pepper spraying little girls and made fun of too. He felt this to the bone trust me. You could say the blue wall fell on top of him the way 89% of nypd are running away from him.
    Hey tony Bologna
    Dig a ditch you’ll fall into it.

  • abigbigfan

    The pepper spray is nice. But I’m holding out for Bologna’s signature predator drones. Will totally keep the neighbor’s cat from shitting on my property. Also neighborhood kids off my lawn. It’s great to be old.

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