Occupy Roanoke: John Edwards chased away by own sense of shame

With original reporting by Kilgore Trout of the chronicle.su

Some believe Edwards is capable of lying even while not speaking, through photographs.

Roanoke, Va.– Occupy Roanoke turned hilarious Saturday when career politician John Edwards (Criminal) attempted to subdue a crowd of hundreds with the soothing sounds of meaningless rhetoric and campaign promises.

Edwards was promptly chased away by an angry crowd who demanded from him explanations on his dubious voting record of transparency, neoliberalism and human decency. Lacking decency, the North Carolina Senator retreated back into the shadows so everyone could enjoy their day.

Decency is one of many criminal cases brought against the old money presidential candidate, who left his wife on her deathbed for another woman. [Editor's note: Edwards later told reporters he knew his decision would send a strong message to constituents that he is willing to give "whatever excuse" for anything shitty he may inevitably do.]

The Roanoke occupation continued as planned, Trout said, and will reside under the umbrella of Lebal Drocer, Inc. and her subsidiary, Chronicle.SU “until it gets boring.”

10 comments to Occupy Roanoke: John Edwards chased away by own sense of shame

  • Anonymous

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  • Edward of Huncote

    So, you truly don’t realize former U.S. Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina (pictured) is a different person from State Sen. John Edwards?

    John Edwards, that is, the John Edwards who holds the Va. 21st Senate dist. seat may be a terrible politician, but to call him “criminal” is a little extreme.

    I wasn’t aware either one of them came to the Occupy Roanoke protest, though it seems more likely the Roanoke area Edwards would have been in attendance,(especially since his office overlooks the park where the protest is) than the other Edwards, who not only doesn’t hold current office, but has no connection with Roanoke Virginia.

    Are you sure you know who or what you’re talking about?

  • Edward of Huncote

    Is this a satirical joke?

  • Meme Monkey

    John, you’re so close to the truth but it’s just outside your grasp. Don’t get too close or ‘they’ will come after you.

  • John Edwards a person i would want to date my sister? No i dont think so. I do understand what he did was not a nice thing to do to a woman he was married to. He cheated on his wife and got his girlfriend pregnant and covered it up. Even blame people for doing it that trusted him but went along with it in hope the cover up would work. If it worked they would still be hanging on to his coat tails and getting payed. But it did not work so they ran away and wrote books on him to get payed. He is not the first person to do this and he wont be the last.
    We live in a world were people do some sick shit to each other lets face it. Young girls going in bath rooms having a baby and then leaving the baby to die in the toilet. That is just one thing we hear this at least four times a year.
    BUT John Edwards and I do say But, He was the only person that even talked about the people who live in true poverty. I mean the real poor not just the middle class who are one pay check away from being on the streets them selfs. I give him that. He is like many other people in our world and not many can see the good people have done after the bad is uncovered. But I do, and I know I stand alone with 2% of the people in the world but I’m use to it. Truth is there are people you trust right now who are doing things that are as bad as John Edwards did and far worse.
    Ted Haggard had 1000’s of people that hung on every word that he said with glazed over eyes almost zombie like. He talked about gay people and how bad they were and no one should follow them or trust them or they would go str8 to hell. Well we all know the out come on him. We also have Jesse Jackson who did the same thing as Edwards, we have Bill Cosby, Arnold Schwarzenegger and on and on. …… and the list goes on to people who many still look up to like MLK & JFK.
    All I can say about all of this is a Charles Barkley quote “I’m no role model” When you find your self looking up to someone try to keep in mind how so many let people down when their true life came out into the light.

  • Mitt Romney

    Edwards voting record is impeccable. with each new vote he assures all that he is willing to play whatever side will get him votes, and lets be honest, that’s more important than accomplishing anything.
    The real criminals are the people that didn’t vote for him.
    Personally, I have a hard time matching such a transparent agenda, and believe me I have tried. Hopefully my hair and the fact I’m not a Mormon will guide me to the White House.
    #voteMitt

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