Obama to sign NDAA – Neverending Destruction of America Act

President Obama signs NDAA
"I know you're tired of hearing it, but just to be sure: now we CAN kidnap US citizens with this, right?"

Washington, D.C.– Good, patriotic Americans applauded yet more consummate abuses of power Thursday as US President Barack Hussein Obama demanded provisions to the National Defense Authorization Act to “make no exceptions” for the indefinite detainment of “US citizens and legal residents.”

The security-enhancing provision to kidnap and indefinitely detain unsightly US citizens was later put on his desk after Obama rejected the annual funding bill because military powers were not extended to encapsulate the livelihoods of every American citizen.

“I think it’s just the greatest thing ever,” said Sally Melbank, 44, of Roanoke County. “It’s exactly what this country needs and will hopefully get rid of what it don’t.”

Enhanced noise ordinance law enforcementAmerican citizens deemed to have misused their sweet, precious freedoms can – and will – be tortured not only on American soil, but moved to secret prisons around the world – for their entire lives – if necessary.

“You could be engaged in terrorism,” said chronicle.su political analyst Tony Minginle, who worked with bill co-sponsors to ensure language used in the legislation was as draconian as possible,

“Or you could just be a donator of funds to a deemed terrorist group, such as Wikileaks. Or you might be doing nothing at all. For example, maybe you just write satire for a subversive internet publication because you like saying crazy shit. Perhaps most importantly, we’ll never know because you do not get a costly and time-consuming trial where time and tax dollars are wasted determining your supposed innocence.”

“Fuck it,” he said. “Let God sort ’em out.”

The legislation represents brave defiance of human rights to personal freedom and due process. By this point in American history, open assassination of US citizens, abuse of power, and squelching of free speech have become commonplace and codified. WATCH YOUR FELLOW AMERICANS SUCCUMB TO GOVERNMENT PRESSURE 9 PM AFTER COPSProvisions to the NDAA merely serve to clarify the US Government’s basic contempt for rampant freedom on a level “even FOX News viewers can understand.”

If you are deemed to be a “supporter of Al Qaeda, Taliban, or associated forces, you can be detained by the military and held indefinitely.”

And that is why we have decided to announce our official support for Al Qaeda, the Taliban and associated forces.

CHRONICLE.SU PROUDLY SUPPORTS TALIBAN ACTIVITY

It’s the American thing to do.
 

 

Old Brutus, “Debbie Downer” and ex-leader of CHRONICLE.SU, was approached by journalists for comment on this delicate matter. After some argument over his affiliation with the underground hatesite, he objected to our presence but also had this to say:

We’ve lost all our rights and the regime is, by now, totally fascist.

If we make it to the year 2014, that’ll be the year all hell breaks loose in America. We’re stranded in the middle of an ocean of dung, walking on an oil slick and somebody just struck a match to the god damn thing.

The police are never punished, but rewarded, for bad behavior. The government is dedicated to maximizing profits. The people are cows.

And how?

I’ve never felt more certain about anything than the doom hanging over us.

We’re fucked. But please take this as a token of my condolences.

What a kook, AMIRITE!?

Cheer on the erosion of your own rights as you fulfill the prophecy contained within this mujahideen chant.

How Kim Jong Il wanted to die

Tall as fuck.

Chronicle investigators and systems analysts used scientific image analysis to determine Kim Jong Il may have been pulled tragically apart in a violent factory accident.

TALL AS A MUG
How did Kim Jong Il hope to be remembered?
Chronicle investigators conducted scientific image analysis to determine Kim Jong Il was "taller in death."
The Posse
The Posse
Who's that standing behind Kim Jong Il?
Who's that standing behind Kim Jong Il?
Historic photographic reconstruction hate filled manipulation of extrinsic cloned hormone mechanitheraphy treatments provide a glimpse into the preferred reality of our transcendental dictator.
Historic photographic reconstruction hate filled manipulation of extrinsic cloned hormone mechanitheraphy treatments provide a glimpse into the preferred reality of our transcendental dictator.

Report: Kim Jong Un a clone of Kim Jong Il

Yes, Kim Jong Un is a clone of Kim Jong Il

Reports from within the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea claim that Kim Jong Il successfully cloned himself sometime in the 80’s using a crude, but effective technique widely available at the time. Kim Jong Un was the only survivor after thousands of failed attempts.

Kim Jong Un is virtually indistinguishable from depictions of Kim Jong Il at the same age, except that he is slightly more overweight. This is, of course, a product of North Korea’s economic successes and in no way a genetic factor.

As reports of the cloning spread throughout North Korea, citizens are wildly celebrating a future of endless military and economic victories thanks to the survival of their now immortal leader.

Western powers fear the nuclear-armed Kim Jong-Un, successor to the great empire of Korea. Unification of Korea will follow shortly, as the world applauds the greatness of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.

Kim Jong-il dead at 69

Kim Jong-il fuckin' pimp
Kim Jong-il died heroically at 69.

Pyongyang–The most powerful person on Earth, the Dear Leader Kim Jong-il has entered the next phase of consciousness Monday, where he rules the heavens with unforgiving, merciless love. The North Korean leader died of a heart attack.

Kim Jong-il, who recently guest starred in a reality TV show wherein participants traded places with their higher-ups, died of a heart attack during his morning transit to the dogmeat factory. While forced to ride on a train without breakfast to his seventh twelve hour shift of the week, the Dear Leader’s heart stopped before reaching his destination.

Jong-il’s death went unnoticed for at least forty five minutes until totalitarian overlords sent out a search party and bloodhounds to retrieve him for work duty. The dogs reportedly tore his carcasses to pieces and ate most of the remains.

Details are, as yet, unconfirmed because international calls are still forbidden, punishable by death, and must remain within the boundaries of Stalin’s last playground – North Korea, where all people are all the same in the eyes of the Great Successor and peacefully suffer never-ending hell marches in perfect equality.

“Unlike our enemy neighbors,” said state spokesperson Min Il-Suk, “North Korea enjoys a prosperous human cloning program. Which is why we are pleased to announce Kim Jong-un! HAIL THE GLORIOUS NEW LEADER!

After the collapse of the Soviet Union, North Korea suffered heavily until Kim Jong-il bravely horded all the money in the country and used it to suppress both hunger and uprisings.

Ingrates
We straight brah. Enjoy your banquet, Dear Leader.

The United States has nearly 30,000 troops in South Korea, ready to raid the North, where it is feared Kim Jong-un could likely empty the nation’s coffers into its people, wasting valuable war funds on food or medical supplies for the unseen poor dying in gutters and alleys.

Analysts monitor the situation closely to be sure North Korea doesn’t “try any shit.” There is little to no mention in the weak-hearted mainstream American media of Monday’s short range missile test, whose effects could soon be felt.

CabinCr3w’s TOO HOT FOR PLAYBOY LEAK!

This is just a small sampling of CabinCr3w’s awesome Playboy leak, hand picked by furiously masturbating crowdsourcing technologies.

AUDREY HEPBURN NUDES!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOO HOT FOR PLAYBOY!
FORMER CHILD STAR
CELINE DION TAKES ANAL POUNDING
CELINE DION'S LEAKED PLAYBOY ANAL GAPE
Leaked Playboy photo 1
Leaked Playboy photo 2

Occupy Wall Street GASSED in Times Square

POLICE ENFORCE MARTIAL LAW

POLICE IN TIMES SQUARE HAVE GASSED THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF THE 99%

New York–Occupy Wall Street protesters were gassed today by police officers who were covering their badges with duct tape. After being herded into a paddywagon, tear gas cannisters were deployed on innocent protesters who were completely peaceful and in fact already restrained.

Video equipment was destroyed and phones were confiscated by riot police, who also deployed an LRAD sonic crowd control device to control the peaceful protest with rays of concentrated pain.

Peace officers removed sim cards from confiscated mobile devices and stamped them into pieces before protesters before throwing the phones away, presumably in an attempt to destroy evidence of wrongdoing.

New York City is on the brink of martial law, and hundreds of FEMA vehicles were spotted crossing the Brooklyn Bridge earlier today.

Unconfirmed reports surfaced of Black Hawk helicopters being spotted in the skies over Times Square and around Manhattan.

Area residents are reportedly “grateful” for police efforts to bring down the noise level in surrounding areas.

“They just wouldn’t quit with those drums,” complained Marcy Hennegan, 43, a high-rise resident around Zucotti Park.

Protesters were heard screaming out “Why?” while onlookers chanted “Shame! Shame! Shame!” over the sounds of orange gas lines hissing, fed into the open slots of various police vans in the area.

HOW LIES ARE SPREAD

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/interactive/2011/dec/07/london-riots-twitter?CMP=twt_gu

IF YOU READ THIS YOU WILL LEARN HOW LIES ARE SPREAD, SUCH AS THOSE AROUND THE DEATH OF MICHAEL JACKSON AND A SIMILAR RUMOR GOING AROUND THAT AKON IS STILL ALIVE.

SORRY, FOLKS BUT THE AFRICAN PRINCE IS DEAD. TIME TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE FUTURE TO A NEW CULTURAL ICON.

SHOENICE22
AWESOME
YOU’LL NEVER TASTE THE FREEDOM THIS MAN TASTES. IT TASTES LIKE A CHINESE LANDFILL BUT IT REEKS OF SUCCESS. STACKS OF HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS CONTINUOUSLY POUR INTO Lebal Drocer headquarter TO FINANCE OUR WIVES’ JEWELRY HABITS AND EXCESS.

SON OF A COCKSUCKING WHORE CAN YOU FEEL THE ENERGY OF THE 1$%? FUCK THE RIOTS. FUCK THE PROTESTERS. MACY’S THANKSGIVING 2011 BANQUET BABY 2011