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Categories
Hate Trolling

Be a YouTube Reply Girl

We here at Chronicle.SU have quick and simple way, an easy way, to rake in tens of thousands of subscribers on Youtube with very little effort. These views can quickly be turned into cash around the home, as long as you follow a few simple rules and are approved for a YouTube partnership, which we guarantee. This simple method contains a few simple secrets which we will provide to you, our loyal cult followers, at a low, low price. Follow these three simple steps, easy steps, and you will be on the path to  not only riches, but fame and popularity with the online world like you have never imagined.

Step 1: Preparing for your first video

First thing you’ll need to do is make sure you have a camera, or basically any footage at all which won’t get YouTube on your ass for copyright infringement. This part’s actually not that important at all, content is completely irrelevant. There just has to be a video of some sort.

What’s vitally important is that there must be clearly visible cleavage shown in the image YouTubers are going to see before they click your video.

Next, find some YouTube video that’s just now starting to get a ton of visits which hasn’t already been swamped with reply videos. Upload your “reply” using all available optimized search terms. The combination of tits will attach your video like a leech to the underbelly of the internet and you will make tons of money this way. Keep making the videos until your income stabilizes and never forget the tits.

Step 2: Create a pyramid scheme

This part isn’t so straightforward until you really get good at the first bit. All this video uploading and recording is time consuming, so after a while you’re going to want to compartmentalize this knowledge into a get-rich-quick scheme and then sell that, rather than doing all the work yourself.

Start each “reply” video with a short infomercial which links to your ad-infested homepage. Write a few rambling blog posts on a locked blog and charge each person ten dollars for the secret millionaire knowledge.

I have sold the secret of YouTube tit reply video scamming to several young women who are now prospering thanks to their remarkable cleavage. They may get a lot of hateful comments, but one intrepid YouTube entrepreneur I inspired, TheReplyGirl, is now able to go to college because of her titshare program. She has also influenced other women to show their cleavage in reply videos on YouTube, and the Internet community is much enriched thanks to the startlingly insightful opinions the new, growing class of Reply Girls.

 

Step 3: Masturbation

 

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Categories
Fashion

Finest Alpaca

we heard you was happnin

alpaca

word on the streets you happening

with this alpaca you can have textiles, put your children to work and sell the pelt for gold and have luxuries.

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Categories
Hate

Kim Dotcom is just another white collar 1% criminal

We don't own the copyright to this image. Unfair use.

Federal agents have come down hard on Megaupload, seizing every little bit of property they can get their grubby fed hands  on. Anonymous has unleashed the floodgates of cyberhell, causing its collective consciousness to go into a raging seizure, lashing out at anything and everything that moves. DDoS attacks on three letter government web servers have been the major response, but the latest victim, CBS, was temporarily deleted. These attacks, dubbed #OpMegaUpload, come in the wake of the internet’s defining moment of activism, in which Wikipedia and Google participated in a blackout to spread awareness about the Stop Online Piracy Act.

What Anonymous hasn’t looked into, however, is the man they are defending. Kim Dotcom, owner of Megaupload, is an obese multimillionaire and also the world’s top player of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. He has such incredibly bad taste that he fills his front yard with life-size statues of giraffes. Both bad taste and insane amounts of for-profit piracy are completely forgivable, and should not be held against Kim Dotcom. Editor’s note: I’m going to miss watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on MegaVideo, knowing that the ad revenue is buying some fat hick the ultimate lawn ornament arrangement.

Kim Dotcom is not just guilty of crimes we all agree with, but he has also participated in some very typically 1% criminal behavior we must condemn. In 2002, Kim Dotcom was found guilty of the largest insider trading scandal in German history. Kim flooded some company’s stocks with a bunch of money, promising investors the company would turn around. Once the stocks surged from this news, the fat man sold everything, robbing everyone blind. Like a little 1% bitch, he fled to Thailand, where the feds promptly caught up to him. Dotcom was given a slap on the wrists and a small fine for an abusively rich man. Kim’s recent arrest required police to cut open the safe room in his gigantic mansion, where he was found playing Call of Duty and masturbating to the thought of how he was so rich the cops couldn’t even arrest him.

Copyright infringement has become somehow more menacing to twisted world authorities than insider trading. On one hand, a person who abuses their wealth to indirectly steal millions from investors is punishable by a 100,000 euro fine and 20 months in prison. On the other hand, copyright infringement will result in this same person’s entire fortune being forfeit and will put his ass in the American gulag for decades. Despite this glaring injustice, the opinion of the author remains steadfast. Kim Dotcom deserves this punishment, even if it is for all the wrong reasons.