—PRESS RELEASE DEC 21, 2012—
From the office of the PROPHETIC viral Christmas Day (!) ANNOUNCER of Sabu’s status as an FBI informant and agent provocateur comes the NEXT BEST THING!
Your (!) Anonymous Incorporated
YOUR ANONYMOUS INCORPORATED ANNOUNCES ITS FIRST INITIAL PUBLIC OFFERING, SURE TO ASTOUND TECH INVESTORS ALL ACROSS THE WORLD. WITH THE ADVANCE OF LEADERLESS COLLECTIVES AND CRYPTOGRAPHY, A NEW TECHNOLOGICAL UTOPIA IS AT HAND. UNLIKE THE TERRIBLE FAILURE OF FACEBOOK, THIS IPO WILL REAP MASSIVE PROFITS FOR ALL INVESTORS. WE RUN MEAN AND LEAN, BABY, AND KIDS DO OUR WORK FOR FREE BECAUSE IT’S “COOL.”
LISTEN TO THE HYPE! IT’S ALL TRUE!
All investors will be able to vote for the Corporation’s decisions using advances in range voting and group decision as provided free of charge by the German Pirate Party.
AND THAT’S NOT ALL!
Everyone who signs a statement alleging Faith and Allegiance to Anonymous ideals as set forth by Our Prophetic CEO, Yoda, will be entitled to free streaming of all torrents forever, as we have just purchased The Pirate Bay!
LICENSING!! MERCHANDISE!! MASKS!! ACTION FIGURES!!
Now that we have incorporated we can afford the rights to all our favorite imagery, and finally turn a real profit off of this trend! Invest now, and you’ll be ‘apart’ of something bigger. Something never before seen. Something that will most definitely lead to a NEW GOLDEN AGE OF PROSPERITY AND HEALTH FOR ALL OF HUMANITY!
IF CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE, THEN “ANONYMOUS” HAS JUST RECEIVED PERSONHOOD. ALL HAIL THE NEW AGE OF UTOPIAN HYPERCONSCIOUSNESS.