Snooki Death Hoax causes mass panic in guidos and guidettes everywhere

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Romney Campaign distributes “relief” to GOP offices, Defense Contractors

Romney appears in Norfolk Virginia, promising millions in funding to Defense Contractors and those who promise to vote Republican.

NORFOLK, VA. — Tuesday, Republican President Candidate Mitt Romney’s second impromptu “relief rally” gathered supplies specifically for naval defense contractors and members of the Republican Party affected by Hurricane Sandy.

Four-thousand-dollar cash handouts were disbursed to  naval defense contractors in Norfolk, including . . .

Snooki missing and presumed dead after Hurricane Sandy

Fans are already mourning the loss of Snooki

SEASIDE HEIGHTS, N.J. — The bloated corpse of Snooki was allegedly recovered and then dumped back into the sea Tuesday after the MTV star went missing early Monday evening.

When whaling experts off the Atlantic Coast noticed a disturbance in their dragnets, they claim to . . .

HURRICANE SANDY WREAKS SAVAGE DESTRUCTION

SANDY EXPLODES NUCLEAR POWER PLANT

SOUTHAMPTON, N.Y. — HURRICANE SANDY HAS SWEPT THE NORTHEAST, LEAVING A TRAIL OF INCOMPARABLE DESTRUCTION. A COMBINATION OF HIGH TIDE AND STORM SURGE HAS FLOODED THE MONTAUK AND OYSTER CREEK NUCLEAR FACILITIES,  NOW REPORTEDLY AT SUPERCRITICAL MASS. MELTDOWN IS IMMINENT, AND AREA RESIDENTS ARE BEING FORCEFULLY EVACUATED TO . . .

‘N Sync announces reunion tour

Boy Band ‘N Sync has arranged a tour of the United States and South America to kick off in the summer of 2013

INTERNET — ‘N Sync, famed “Boy Band” heart-throbs of the ’90s, have signed on for a Summer 2013 tour to span the whole Western Hemisphere. J.C. Chasez denied rumors . . .

Hurricane Sandy Threatens White Communities Along Eastern United States

We’ve never seen anything like it, John. Never before have Americans witnessed a storm so potentially threatening to the security of middle class whites. . . .

Felicia Garcia pulls an Amanda Todd

Get used to the Teenage Female Bullying-Suicide Heroes

NEW YORK — Fifteen-year-old Amanda-Todd-Wannabe Felicia Garcia jumped in front of a train after vicious bullying, following her appearance in a football team gangbang video passed around her high school. The male members of the gangbang were greeted with high fives and mute admiration from . . .

Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse diagnosed with skin cancer

Here is a rare photo of “Violent J” without his carcinogenic face-paint.

DETROIT, MICH. — Joseph Bruce, aka Violent J, founding member of the Insane Clown Posse, released a statement to fans Friday canceling further tour dates pending his recovery from skin cancer. Doctors say the cancer was caused by carcinogens in the . . .

Paul Ryan washes dishes at Ohio soup kitchen and hurries out

Paul Ryan hurriedly washes a pan while lecturing schoolchildren about the inconvenience of calluses. . . .

Amanda Todd Faked Her Death

This image was posted by the Snobs at the New Yorker, in a serious-sounding opinion on the dangers of cyberbullying.

Amanda Todd never died; she transcended the mortal plane to become The Patron Saint of Internet Meme Suicide.

Her viral video, I’m sure, is a perfectly fair and balanced account of her life which . . .