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NSA Surveillance Network shows Emergent Intelligence

For to this fearful mind, surely, all our science and art are but chemical processes signifying nothing of our subjective state.

SINGULARITY, Tex. — Wednesday night, it was revealed that the NSA has nearly achieved a limited omniscient point of view over the planet Earth through extra-constitutional top-secret wiretapping of all major communications hubs. . . .

Amanda Bynes to star in porn movie with Ron Jeremy

Nickelodeon child actress Amanda Bynes to star in porn film with Ron Jeremy.

HOLLYWOOD — Anonymous sources in the Porn Industry have revealed plans for a porn movie starring Amanda Bynes and Ron Jeremy, based off of her hit Nickelodeon kids’ show, The Amanda Show. Sources say Peter North is directing “The Amanda . . .

Russia Today slammed with DDoS attack

Russia Today has been hacked, leading some to believe Soviet influence may once again be on the rise.

MOSCOW — Russia Today, the state-owned media outlet that recently aired a television program hosted by Julian Assange, was driven offline Monday morning by an unprecedented cyberassault.

Not much is known about the attack, but . . .

#GropeCrew “trolls” A-Kon Anime Convention

#GropeCrew has highlighted the tense and predatory sexual atmosphere at Nerd Conventions.

DALLAS — A group of dedicated trolls have taken to the Twitter hashtag #GropeCrew, expressing their desire to fondle women in skimpy anime costumes at the A-Kon anime convention. Sexual harassment and assault at similar conventions has been a topic of . . .

Intelligent Life Discovered in Earth’s Mantle

CTHONOS, Pelopponesia — On the border of the Earth’s mantle and crust, NASA astrobiologists have discovered a civilization of beings that challenge both our conception of ‘life’ and of ‘intelligence.’ These beings, which defy all taxonomy, are fist-sized nodes of rapidly regenerating proteins that have only been observed in their natural environment, deep in the . . .

Police with Stun Batons Calm 3,000 Selfish Nike Workers Seeking “Fair Pay”

Indignant Nike laborers selfishly demanded $88 monthly wage, like it even costs that much to live on a pile of dirt. The police had an answer for that. . . .