Comrade Putin revives Soviet Union

Comrade Putin announced the return of the Soviet Union after a glorious fishing expedition.

Comrade Putin announced the return of the Soviet Union after a glorious fishing expedition.

MOSCOW — After returning from a successful fishing trip, Comrade Putin announced a program intended to return to the Soviet ideal of rule according to today’s most cutting-edge Marxist thinking. Comrade Putin said, “No longer will we identify the glorious Soviet Republic with the old Russian monarchies. Yes, the Soviet system failed us, but our new Soviet Republic is based on the most effective critics of the old system and the latest developments in Marxism.”

This move coincides with the release of Putin’s first philosophical treatise, a book which has been hailed as the most accessible work on postmodern Marxism to date.

Western intellectuals have scoured through postmodern Marxist thinkers such as Althusser but most are completely unable to understand what this means for the “new” Soviet Republic. Noam Chomsky, one of America’s leading intellectuals, said, “I’ve parsed these types of works before and they just mean nothing to me. It’s just nonsense jargon entertainers use to look intellectual, and Putin is no different.” Other thinkers have warned that this new Marxism is “hopped up” on postmodernism and could be thousands of times more potent than the first wave of Marxism. Postmodern Marxism expert Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said, “They’ve effectively created a discourse that is purposefully demythological. It’s as if the working class won’t even have to believe in ridiculous myths about the inevitable rise of Communism, the type of thing which led to the horrors of Stalinism. Putin’s work is impressive. This may finally be Plato’s dream of an enlightened rule by Philosopher kings. Postmodern Marxism is not directly about economics anymore but rather about how certain ideologies function and guide nations this way and that. If you look at America, we’re guided almost by little more than cave-man instincts to conserve resources in times of trouble. That’s bad economic policy, unless you’re a caveman, because government spending is actually what’s needed to stabilize markets in this particular situation. It seems the Soviet Union is waking up from its long slumber with a keen awareness of all its past failings, and the simplistic and child-like thought which rules Americans will be trod upon by the new Soviet Republic.”

3 comments to Comrade Putin revives Soviet Union

  • А́нна Васи́льевна Кущенко

    That’s my boy!

  • Jason

    Is this true?! Im so happy i want to cry

  • jason lau

    we can only hope that this story is true.would that it were so. it can be imagined , if not desired, what the actual deployment of PMM (post-modern marxism)to the architecture and governing of a state could lead to. some sort of peaceful anarchy. for many PMM thinkers demythologizing discourse is only a first step. they forcefully call for an exposure of the “conditions-for-the-possibility” of all discourse itself. this call is followed by the inescapable discovery that all discourse finds itself either in the employment of hegemonic forces of the superstructure or, on the individual level,of the personal unconscious. a state which emphasized this critique in it’s praxsis would find it self-contradictory to attempt to impose it’s will on it’s inhabitants. of course Dr. Troubadour is an acknowledged authority on these matters so one can hope, not to mention the liberation and maturation such a development on the world-stage could bring to humanity.

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