NEW YORK — After three consecutive weeks of the most elevated terror alert levels since 2001, synchronized attacks have nonetheless killed millions of innocent Americans on the twelfth anniversary of 9/11, bringing every major city in America to a standstill.
New York City Homeland Security Agents report hundreds of Al-Qaeda agents infiltrated the Freedom Tower construction crew and filled the core of every concrete beam with nanothermite, even as the monumental skyscraper was built. Al-Qaeda sleeper cells successfully evaded all-encompassing NSA surveillance with use of an advanced metaphor cypher which referred to nanothermite as “love” and Allah as “Jesus.” These explosives were detonated this morning, leveling the Freedom Tower before it was completed.
Other Al-Qaeda agents, who made up the majority of the janitorial staff at the Pentagon, hid nanothermite explosives in the office chairs of the highest officials of the US military, killing off the top echelons of the chain of command for the Army, Navy, Coast Guard, and Marines.
Al-Qaeda troops stormed US embassies in Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Oman, the United Arab Emirates, and Jordan, before firing Sarin gas into citizens of Tel Aviv. President Obama has been locked in a smoked-filled room in the back of the White House and is rumored to be discussing whether to use nuclear or biological weapons on Syrian and Soviet targets.
Grieving citizens around the nation, who have changed their 9/11 mantras from “Never Forget” to “Never Again,” are waving American flags and rounding up Muslims at gunpoint, ushering them into the safety of FEMA camps with the help of local and regional law enforcement agencies.