HOLLYWOOD — A group of young men, unable to contain their libidinous urges after repeated sexual performances by Miley Cyrus, brutally gang raped the former child star who then died tragically from internal injuries.
Miley’s recent performance at the MTV video awards featured “twerking,” a form of simulated ‘doggy style’ sex popular with colored citizens. Miley also used a foam hand to stimulate her clitoris and the bared penis of rapper 2chainz.
A music video released to coincide with Miley’s racy MTV award performance showed the pop star completely nude and riding a giant wrecking ball. Jungian psychoanalyst Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador analyzed the video, saying, “The sphere of the ball suggests the feminine, yet its destructive purpose is decidedly masculine. Combined with the lyrics explicitly expressing female power over the masculine, we find yet more compelling evidence in the collective unconscious of the dawn of the age of Aquarius and the prophesied female alignment spoken of by Aaron Socio.”
When asked about the rapings, Troubador became troubled, “Repression is to be expected after a rapid change in values such as this. I am very afraid that these kind of rapings will become more common as younger and more innocent child stars begin to more publicly expose their base sexuality. It’s almost Newtonian.”