INTERNET — Nobody seems to mind that there is a war on personal freedom taking place at their fingertips right now. Nobody cares about the police state. And while I admit I’m perfectly comfortable here in my hate hole, the proles are doing just fine under the watchful eye of the all-seeing NSA Octopus. And that is fucking weird.
The NSA wants to be the next FBI – hit men and everything. Think I’m wrong? Well, there’s a secret court called FISA who will back me up.
For decades, the NSA has been the silent, creepy uncle of US defense agencies. Since the Snowden leaks, however, that is all changing.
The NSA Today® has taken on a demeanor of brazen, Sabu-style recklessness. Official sources represent pre-determined attitudes of sheer spitefulness about their activity. Barack Hussein Obama only just yesterday responded to corporate shareholders’ complaints with a decision to allow tech conglomerates to make broad, generalized statements regarding the existence of NSA probing – but nothing specific about who is being watched, how much, or for how long or for what reason.
There is no proof NSA surveillance has successfully stopped a terrorist attack, and even if it did – would we really want it?
Political Scientist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour weighed in. Troubadour said one terrorist attack every 20 years is worse than being spied on.
“For the whole time perverted Uncle NSA has been browsing through your SMS dick pics,” Troubadour explained, “Al Qaeda has been on the run, afraid of the possibility their own dick pics could wind up in the hands of US Generals. The NSA is absolutely necessary if the United States is to continue existing tomorrow.”
Congressman Anthony Weiner said he is a testament to the discrediting power of dick pics, but dick pics themselves are not terrorism.
“That’s right,” Weiner said. “Not even uncircumcised ones are grounds to declare war.”
Dr. Troubadour said the NSA spies on the world because it loves you, and this is how adults show love.
“The NSA, even as a touchy, molesty sort of uncle figure, is good for America,” he said. “But just remember, this is our little secret, okay?”
Dr. Troubadour privately added that if you go tell on the NSA, nobody will believe you, and your parents will never, ever love you again.