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With the 2016 primaries fast approaching, a lot of Americans are asking themselves which white collar criminal they should vote for. It’s a Hard Choice.

Why not both?
There is no reason not to trust an oligarchical institute of competing parties.

When I drive my family to the polls November after the November after next, I’ll make sure that we’re all ready to vote for Hil͏̟̳̱̤̘l̜̞̫̝͈̝̫a͇̼͓̘͠ͅr̯̹̩͝y̠̹ ͔͔͈̖̰͖ͅR̴͓̲̥̠̜od͈̳ͅh̼͇̯̗ͅa͚͚͘m͈ ͎̪̦̯̤̜C̢̱̲͈͇̯̦l̶͎̺̯͎in͉̘̩̭̖̬ton, of the 45th estate of Dark Lord Inglip, Home of the Titans.

I am so confident in the Democratic Party to represent my interests, I’d even trust a Republican to vote for them. Besides, i̴̱̲͓t̤̦͖͚̲ ̼͈̦̖̺̫̳̤̀d̬̗́o͏̥͖̙̻̗̦̣ẹ̛̼͕̠̪̹͢s̤̼̜͈͔̀͟͝n͏̜̻̟̮̣͈̘̼̕’̙̦̣̳̟͝t̵̩̮͕̳̩ ͟͏̳̤̮̟͘m̪͖͓͎͟a̢̨͔̦t̵̡̞̲͝t͏̶̺̜ḙ͍͝ŕ̬̗̳͕͓̺̬̺ ̨̖̤̲͚̦̘̭̙̻͜á̵̵̰̯̭̳̝n̶̟͇̭͓͓y̨̠̪̤̗͈͇̰̙ͅw̷̢̱̯͉̜̝̺͢a̷̘̙y̧̡̝͚̪̟̦̬̤̩͟.͕̣̫̤̺͞ We’re all gonna die!

I am the night. I am the crystalline hatred of His Glory! I am the cold void of space, dark matter itself. And I’m always shopping for bargains. That’s why I cut coupons. I even have a coupon for open democracy I plan to inject next Tuesday, assuming the F̤̹̼̣̠̿ͫ̊ͦiͩ̚͏f̗̺̬͇t̹̹̥̱͍ͫ͑h̠̆̄̈́ͥͬ̀ ͙̻͉̲̕Dimensional Pa̧̤̱̰̰̘͗̏́̒̋̅ȓ̵͇̼̱͍̗̼̞̜͉̿͗̂ͫͬ̿̚a͍͇̼͈̎͌ͣ́͑̍̿digm Shift doesn’t invert the 98th God’s isosceles invective (like last time!).

So come on out and try the all-new 2015 Ford Focus with rear-facing artillery cannons. For a limited time sign up for a new subscription on timespace-distorting plasma charges and receive your first cybernetic counter-enslavement upgrade ABSOLUTELY F̙̫̩͇̰͍̠̦̯̀͜R͕̰̬̹̼̦̙̕͟͡ͅE̷̻͙͉̝̟Ȩ͚͇̯̝͈̦. I am the darkness which flows through the hearts of men. Act now and SAVE on inner-oblivion anti-trust coating. D̪̟o̩̙̻͉͟ͅn̗̫̩͔̝̖’͘t́ ̀w̢̩̬a̞̙͙s̩̥̲̯̞̰ͅt̺͡ę͚̣̗ ̝̣̲̲̳̀ḁ͚̟̤͕̬ͅw̰̳̣̥a͉̼̼̰͜y͙̬͎̩ ͈̺̜̠͕̣l҉̘̫͖̲͕̟ḁ̰̮̱ț̦e҉r̰͙͈̼͕̥ ̣̣b̶̦̦̺̘e̢̗͚͎̫c̛̼a̲͍͎̣u̲̲̹̳͓̖ͅs̼̗̰͚e ͍͍͓͎̭y̯o̤̩͔͍͖̳̳ṳ͞ ̵̠͎̲̹̤̝̱͖͍̰͙̘̯̜̰̗͡c̵̸̸̱̫̘̟̰̀͘o̸̶͙̮͎̪̠̫̗̤u͏̴҉̰̙̖͉̪̼̣͎̱̭̠͉͡͞ͅl͎̳̘̮̦͈͇̬̜͞d̸̷̡̯̘̠̤̖̩̮̻̥̯̞͍̣̮͘ǹ͔̜̯͚̝͎̗̱͖͙̘̰͖̰͙̣́͜͟ͅͅ’̸̨̢͡҉̤̬̪̙̮̫ţ̴̣̬̫͈̖̬̫̀ ̸̷̨̗̣̟̜͘͝i̴̢͖̠̯̖͖̱̕͘͘ͅn̢̛͢҉̞̘̩̱͙̪̲͙̺͓̠͍̳͇͖̙ͅs̸̢̛̙̞͔̫͈̺͈̥̪̰̜͖̻͙͚̯̞͎ư̶͎̩͉͔͚͍̹̻ͅͅr̗̘̝̞̫͘͜e̝̻̩͓͚̻͟͜͝ ̳̞̝̹͍̠̜̪͕̘͍̖͢á̲͎͕̮̥̟̥̀̕g̛͚̖̣̘͢͝á̸̻̬̯̩̯͍i̧̧̗̩̘̻̤̟̲̮̻͓̪̱͈͍͙̺͎̕͝n̴͚̞̝̞̕͞s̴̛̱̩̝̩͓̖̪̩͍͚̮͍̲͡ͅt͘͜҉̧̱̥͔̭ ͏̵͇͕̥̗̗̣̩̳̣̞͉͙̲̤̫͟͞ṭ̮̹̲͇͎̖̼̥̲̻͙͜͟͠ḩ̼̱̯͎̘͎̗͈̩̗̲͉͉̥͍̘̣̭̼̕e̴̡͖̹̱̳ ̟̰͓̩̥̪͕͕͝H̡̦̜͍̗̮͉̣͈͍̺͠ͅͅa̵̩̩̫͈̜̭͇͜t̸͖̤͚̘̮̩̪̝̙͚͉̲͝͞e͏͙͍̞͍̼̗̥͉̮̘͉͍͖̠̜̻͚̕͜ ̡̛҉̮̣̲̖̩R̟̗̠̫̞̜͕͜à͇͚͙̺͕͕̥͠i̡̤̤̮̣͎͓̮̯̱̪͓͙̤̦͙̩̼̕͜͢͠n̴̢҉̬͚͍͉̻͈̻̮̲͘ ̕҉̶͓͎̬̪̺̬̣̩̟̬̱̤̥̮̹̯̱͇t҉͏͏͙͕̥̙̞̘͚͉͍̼̗͙̦̤͠ó̸̡̹̺̼̼̱̝̱̖̝͖͕̠̯̼͜d҉̵̗̞͉̟̯̗̗̱͍̝̳̲̼a͏҉̗͔͚̦͕̜͕̻͚̞͙ͅͅy͡͞͏̰̲̠͕͈̩.

Hillary 2016
T̷̛̮͈̹͕̘̬̞̞̋͆ͨ̈́̋͑͆͂̽̓͆̀h̴̡̢̛̠̬͇͚̮̺̠̼̘͕͈̻̜ͪ̑ͦͭ̿ͫ͐̋͑̽͌̀ͧ̇ͮ̚ͅeͮ̅ͣ̀͡͏̯͍̱̬̻͓̗̗̻̠̥͔͈̞͞ ̗͖͍ͩ̏ͫͮ͆̉͛̌̈́͒ͤͦ̑͋ͫ́ͪͫ̕͟͟C̓͑̏̍̿ͮ͊͗̓̇ͪ͑̂͘͏̴̵̨̝̯͚̲̦̱̳̩ȍ̶͛̓̾ͯ͋̑͂̂ͬ̊ͭ͂͋ͭ҉̛̯̟̙̞̯̥̮̱̪̀ͅŗ̶̤̫͓͓͉̱̗̘̲̯̫͔̞̖͙͓ͤͨͦͦ̀́p̧͇͉͈̥̜̘̣̞̬̠͉̣͔̭̹̦̿ͦͮ̅͋̓ͨ̑̾̽̒̑̈́̅͆͑́͞ͅo̧̿͒̍̎ͧ͆ͭͭ̿ͣͧ͌̚҉͉͔̲̜̥̱͙͍͍͈͇r̛̳̠̦̗̩̭͖̲͇̠͍͊̅̈ͥͪ̓ͪ̓͑ͭ́͢͠ḁ̴̡̧̙͙̫̣̮͇̫̰͕͊̏͗ͧ̾ͯ͐t̨̢͈̠̗̻̻͙̞͙̱̜͓̫̟̝̺͕ͣ̀̂̆͜e̱̮̥͉̟̦̮̹͙̗ͥ̀͌ͯ̂̓̆ͪ͗ͨͣ̽̃̊̒ͭͭ̚͟͟ ̷̧̥͎̤̳͕̼̲̭͈͙͚̯͗̀͛̈́̀͠M̧̛͚̹͎͍̝ͤͦͫ͂ͩͨͧ͋̀̂ͩ͋͠a̷̢̤̥͖͖ͨ̓̇͂̽̉͐̅ͣͤ̿̕̕͠sͤ̎̋ͫ͏̧̥̗̗̜̳͇͚̙̺̦̞̯̱̰̗͓͖̼t̸̶̡̮̱̹͎͇͍̝̻̼̱͔͖͈̝̑̾͒̍̅ͬ̍ͬ̓́͢e̢̧̨̯̙͇̳̹͍̼̥͍̗̥̘̝̭̣̝͈̓̏̿̀̽̈́̈ͥͥ̇̚͢͞ͅͅr̡̗̹̥ͣ͆ͧ͂̍ͦ͒ͪ ̗̞̤̹̝ͧ̋͋̌̀͠Ä̴̸̴̲̹̳̪̩͍̱̙͇͇̗̙̎ͫͭ͂̾̓ͯ͂ͧ̃̿͌̎͜͢w̨͙̣̬͓͉̖͈̺̣͚̯͍̠͌ͬ͊̔̔͂̏ͮͥ̍̔̇̒̔ͮ͐̀̊̀́͢͜ͅą̧̛͎͉̣̦̭͎̫̯̻̯̯̘͉̪̣̻͔̺̔̏̆̽͋̑̂ͣͮ̎͐͠i̅͐͒͗͏̶̟̮̬̦͈̻͉͙͉̣̻͞t̸̢̡͉̜̦̠̲̮͛͗ͬ͐̐̑͆̿͂̈́̾̊̔ͧͣ̌ͨ̈́̚ş̴̥̬̦̼̮̖̻̃͆̑͐͐ͤ̀͊̎̏ͥͥ̀̚

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Reviews

Hillary's 'Hardest' Choice: To Spit or Swallow MIC Payload

Hillary Clinton steps down from her taxpayer-funded Learjet during campaign of Hate.
Hillary Clinton steps down from her taxpayer-funded Learjet during campaign of Hate.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Hillary Clinton has been a busy woman since exiting public office. She can be found, these days, shuttling around the country in limousines and Learjets on a promotional tour for her new magnum opus, Hard Choices. The book chronicles her time served as Secretary of State under Ayatollah B. Hussein Obama’s glorious administration.

ussa

Released to rave reviews, the book has been called “a modern-day woman’s meditation on Freedom, reminiscent of Rand, Woolf, and Morrison,” by the Wall Street Journal.

Noted feminist Judith Miller, the woman whose broad shoulders bear the brunt of the blame for the liberation of Iraq, wrote in an Op-Ed for the New York Times, “Mrs. Clinton weaves a narrative so imagined, so inspired, you would think she is making it up!”

However, the book is not without its detractors.

Dr. Angstrom H. Treub’adore, the Internet Chronicle’s resident Cisgender Theorist, said in an interview today from his Paris apartment, “The only Hard Choice the former secretary faced while serving was whether to shoot, shock, hang or bang, preferably with an exceptionally dirty hypodermic needle, the ‘whistle-blower’, more like ‘wiener-blower’, Chelsea Manning for his crimes against the Gov, aided by the conard, the file de pute, the noted surprise sex enthusiast, Yulian Mossad,” referring to the Wikileaks scandal that erupted during Clinton’s tenure as secretary. Just one of the multitude of Hard Choices described in the book.

But Mrs. Clinton has found favor within the artistic community, which has embraced her latest collection of stories.

Katy Perry, the eleven-time Grammy nominee songstress responsible for such national anthems as: “Waking Up in Vegas”, “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)”, “Ur So Gay”, and “By The Grace of God”, tweeted at the potential 2016 Democratic nominee that she is ready to shed the last trace of whatever artistic integrity may still reside within her. The pop singer suggested that “she would write [Clinton’s] theme song.”

Katy Perry tempts Hillary Clinton with prideful load
Cum Swapping (#HardChoices)

The two were seen exiting a Brooklyn recording studio late Monday night with producer Puff Daddy and  former Attorney General Janet Reno, who is rumored to have a featured verse on the song, tentatively titled “Hard Choicez (Ode to Elian)”.

Clinton’s ascension to the Presidency seems all but uncertain. She is treading an unprecedented path, paved with the ignored plea’s of the poor and lined with the Hard Choices of which lobbying agencies to publicly allow into her pocket book, and which to keep private.

With her book tour, an arousing success, and the media’s resistance to meaningful questions about her past, the only choice left for Mrs. Clinton to make—perhaps the Hardest Choice of all the Hard Choices she has had to make—is when to actually announce her intention to run for president of our permanent dynasty. God bless this neoliberal paradise, the greatest God damn nation on Earth, The United States of America.

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News

Anti-populist movement seeks new followers

The End HAS GONE!
The End HAS GONE!

INTERNET — The Neoreactionarian movement, a kind of minarchist libertarian hybrid with false historic parallels to monarchies of the past, is seeking new followers and has re-branded itself for mass appeal. In a world where big government bureaucracy is a bad thing, vanguard intellectuals want to turn back the clock to a simpler time where there were not nations but simple family dynasties. The concept of the polis or the res publica, a kind of abstract governance placing the state in the hands of a larger body of people, “a public thing,” to Neoreactionarians, has only hindered the development of “high culture,” economy, and spiritual aspirations of human progress despite generating second-rate monarchist imitators again and again in art history. But they are not producing richly contemplative texts such as Saint Augustine’s City of God or Plato’s Republic, works with other intellectuals as the target audience — they are blogging, tweeting, and answering questions on ask.fm so they can convert you and everyone you love to the side of the Neoreactionarian populist monarchist uprising. Chances are, you already believe in many of the Neoreactionarian tenets and you’re just waving the wrong flag because you, simpleton, know no better. Either that, or they’re poor imitators of imitators, a typical blogger brand of spiraling confusions between messages and audiences as if those two things were separable or even “in the final analysis” of this one writer, identical.

Riker Asimov told someone on ask.fm who asked whether Neoreactionarians wanted to appeal to intellectuals or the general public, “Sure, it seems like an essential contradiction that we want our message of beneficent machiavellian monarchies to be consumed by the masses even as we disguise the formlessness of our superficial — yet outrageously provocative and intellectual — movement in seeming obscurity even as we expose it in the most public way possible. I love to read stories of Frederick II of Hohenstafuen spreading propaganda saying he was the emperor who would precede the apocalypse. That’s the kind of populism that drives monarchies through the roof and sparks never ending wars with the new Anarchopapacy. This is the third age, where no Christian shall need a church, for Christ will live in the heart of every man and woman behind my banner! Protestantism is third age Christianity, the first being the age of Yahweh the hateful father, the second of Christ the forgiving son, and the third that of every human on earth as consummate priest and interpreter needing no authority or gentle shepherd. Saint Francis was the second coming of Christ who ushered in the third age, although Luther was the one with the balls to file the paperwork. And Francis, namesake of the second Christ, has ascended to the papacy and is surely the Antichrist, bringer of material equanimity even as he condemns legalized marijuana, the holy plant rightly seen by Rastas as facilitating and democratizing divine translation![pullquote]” . . . think of all those who have had conversions while in the grips of a nightmare freakout on hallucinogenic drugs, only to forever swear off drugs because of the orthodoxies imposed by the church found in this conversion”[/pullquote] Through vigorous intellectual activity, meditation, and so on, a greatly expanded section of humanity has reached the third age — not quite but in sight of freedom from the bounds of the material world and ascendant into this ideal realm of Mind (Notion, Idea), approaching that Marxian singularity that is in no way Hegel’s ‘stood on end’ or even something entirely different as posited by Althusser, non est aurum vulgi, marriage of the split mind ceremony presided by Christ — but we can imagine a fourth age yet in which the usage of entheogens — which must be consecrated by orthodox rituals to consistently act as more than mere hallucinogens — such as marijuana, LSD, DMT, Ayahuasca, et al will be administrated by the church rather than condemned. Drugs have been declared heterodox, heretical, by Pope Francis because of the threat they pose to established orthodoxy. Terrence McKenna rightly said that drugs are the only way to consistently replicate spiritual, mystic, experience, and think of all those who have had conversions while in the grips of a nightmare freakout on hallucinogenic drugs, only to forever swear off drugs because of the orthodoxies imposed by the church found in this conversion. I am the emperor of the fourth age, the age after the apocalypse has taken place! I am primate of the church of the fourth age in which all of humanity will join Christ with soul through the entheogenic communion through which anyone of any social class will freely receive the ritual and chemicals which can with extraordinarily consistent results, generate an irrational narrative ethos and way-of-being which in a way transcends pairs of opposites or accesses the mystic through its essential paradox. We have a communion that works every time, and even the most hard working of laborers can find divine translation without decades of Voodoo Buddhist practice. Find your way out of the pre-apocalypse wasteland and join us in the fourth age!”