Month: September 2015

Meme market in free-fall as mass production diminishes pepe rarity

Post author By Hatesec
Post date September 23, 2015
2 Comments on Meme market in free-fall as mass production diminishes pepe rarity

All the dank memes are gone, moved overseas. What’s left is the pepes. Worthless, rare pepes.

A desert man burns his worthless savings – once rare pepes – now good only for warmth.

After pepes appeared on the popular reddit-backed website imgflip – and were subsequently mass-produced by college students – rare pepes took a catastrophic plunge in lulz value. Rare pepes were at one time so rare, people thought they’d never lose value. In fact, prices even sustained over time as imgflip got stale. But somehow, the influx of pepes continued.

Through the popular underground imageboard 8ch.net, pepes continuously emanated without explanation from the /b/ subforum.

Like every meme consumed by 8chan, rare pepes were first validated through the shitposting website “reddit” before adoption by 8chan. As a result, rare pepes are now worthless and the Internet once again shifts its focus to outmoded but ironic Tweetie and Sylvester jokes most commonly spread via Facebook: a forced irony that will soon become canon.

We collectively have sunk to new lows. We’re still searching for the new floor.

– Jim Kramer, Shitposting Speculator

Local News

Heroic Walmart Employee Admits to Not Caring About His Job

Post author By Jaime Cochran
Post date September 16, 2015
4 Comments on Heroic Walmart Employee Admits to Not Caring About His Job

Cookeville, TN — Tuesday morning a Walmart employee admitted to shocked coworkers that he didn’t care about his job. In what some are calling a “heroic, yet fruitless act,” Jackson Sneed of Cookeville’s Walmart Supercenter did the impossible. While store managers were doing inventory on the newly stocked, yet somehow discounted TV’s, they noticed that one had gone missing. An emergency meeting was called.

Sneed, who was already well known for losing the keys to various doors, was in attendance. “We thought for sure it was Jackson, I mean who wouldn’t, given his track record and all around aloofness?” Said store manager Charles Collingsworth. The team was confronted about the missing television set that the higher ups insisted was gone. They put the pressure on Jackson, having colluded beforehand to get him to talk. They got him to talk alright, but what he said would shock the foundation of that Supercenter.

“We knew Nathan had been working with Jackson to wrap them up in anti-theft film, so we pressured him,” said Collingsworth. Sneed replied with “TV? I don’t remember working with any TV.” So they went to the surveillance tapes and sure enough, there he was, standing there for 20 minutes like an old soul, watching Nathan pull his weight.

When asked for comment, Sneed replied “So then I remembered it later. I had just gotten back from break and i was verrrrry stoned and I do remember standing there, staring at the TV while he wrapped anti-theft around it.” When pressed further he cracked, “So I just admitted that I don’t think about work, even when I’m there, and it’s all just a blur to me, which I forget the moment I clock out.” Jackson said he believes that they appreciated his candor.

Management is currently planning to let him go.

Society

The Ruins of Malvern

A subdevelopment:

And the crowds came down to break Old Malvern’s legs. But they didn’t stop there. They couldn’t help themselves. They encircled him and snarled.

“This terrorist doesn’t deserve to live among us. The civilized.” Arms were raised in celebration, and came down in a fury. The hurting stopped only because he died.

Now the Malverns keep a stone by the fireplace, inscribed by the only Malvern son. “Us.”

His peers lit a torch. His followers cut lumber like he was still there among them. Watching. But no one watched their work that day. No one saw through the haze of Malvern’s memory.

Now a quiet settles like dust on the ruins of his achievements. At 4 a.m. the Malvern wife and mother does watch. A calm washes over her as she surveys the wasteland. To know sweet Mr. Malvern never saw it with his own eyes, how she saw it, this colorless morning.

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