Putin officially endorses Trump, promises “big hacks”

Russian President Vladimir Putin officially endorsed Donald Trump

MOSCOW — Russian President Putin officially endorsed Donald Trump Thursday, following Trump’s call for Russian intelligence agencies to penetrate Hillary Clinton’s classified e-mails. This marks the first time the Russian state has made any official statement on an election in the US.

Putin told the press, . . .

A Glorious Hellride

The following is the thrilling continuation of Hypermart Syndrome.

Lindsey

You’re sitting in a plush genuine leather executive chair with a wide window to the outside world passing by in graceful silence. Glowing billboards are plied with a hint of class and flick over to craft furniture as you pass, which you realize you’ll . . .

Ninety dead after “Pokemon stampede” ravages Tokyo

The rare and valuable pokemon’s appearance in a Tokyo park triggered a deadly stampede after news of it spread on social media, Monday.

INTERNET — The popular alternate reality game, Pokemon Go, claimed ninety lives, Monday as Tokyo gamers flooded the Meiji Shrine Garden to capture the rarest of all Pokemon, Mewtwo. Reporters compared . . .

Barrett Brown is a big ol’ Nemelka and he don’t know what that is even

Raking in the sympathy accolades: honorable mentions for awards no one’s ever heard of from people who don’t know what the fuck this guy is on about but totally buy into the hype.

He went to prison and his girlfriend went over to Adrian Lamo and you wouldn’t believe the wild conspiracies. Who fuckin’ knows. . . .

gmail.com – we got nothing for you

hello internet. this is yo8ur captain speaking. i am hate sec and i have literally nothing for you. NOTHING. in my little hate soul was left for YOU because you weren’t good enough, but you’re all such excellent readers and i’d really liike to commend my staff for the wonderful work they’ve done.

what emoji . . .

US Presidents under increasing threat of rap battle. Sources report: ‘These mixtapes are fire’

Being President means living under constant threat of sudden rap battles.

Washington, D.C. — King Obama stands up from a throne of human bones and walks onto the balcony overlooking Pennsylvania Avenue.

‘Today is the day,’ he thinks. ‘Today it is finally going to happen.’

Having entered his third stage of molting, Obama sheds . . .