INTERNET — Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, CEO and founder of Internet Chronicle, chairman of the World Fake News conference, issued a stern warning to the world, Friday. The beloved editor emeritus told reporters, “Fake News and its path of deceit reveals a transcendent truth, but only if readers have a good intention in their hearts. Get right with god, and it doesn’t matter what lies you believe or recount to friends, you will be on the shining path to glory and truth.”
The conference room, filled with millions of dollars of silver vapors that ensure everlasting health, erupted in cheers and orgasmic shrieks from the amyl-nitrate snorting Thompsonites. This group, dressed exactly like Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing, sent forward its deputy spokesperson who would answer to no name but Dr. Gonzo. “Even at this moment,” Dr. Gonzo said, “There are millions of people who believe the world’s governments are run by pineal gland eating, adrenochrone suckling, child-blood injecting satanists who make babies into pepperonis. And they’re stroking their guns, eyeing their own children, wanting that piece of power for themselves.”
Alex Jones took the stage at one point, giving everyone the finger and saying, “What you people do is to cheapen what I do. You’re just trolls. Can’t you get with Freedom? Can’t you rise above the trolling, and be a part of something real?” Jones was promptly escorted off the premises, but not before several of the Thompsonites held him down and took a dark, dehydrated, toxin-rich piss into each of his orifices.
Brian Williams also took the stage for a moment, but due to technical difficulties was maimed by a sudden helicopter attack and was wheeled off the premises with third degree burns and severe internal bleeding.
A group of CIA strategists watched the conference erupt into violence, quietly nodding in a corner and taking notes.