INTERNET — The Trump White House, already struggling under multiple scandals and unprecedented low approval ratings, is desperate for any distraction. Most of the new administration, including Trump himself, are believers that 9/11 was an inside job, and have begun discussions on how to repeat this Bush-era success on an even larger scale. Leakers tell Internet Chronicle that discussions have focused on whether to use a “dirty bomb” or “two or three megatons” on Trump’s least favorite city, Chicago. Trump has even brought in expert truther, Alex Jones, to plan the specifics of the attack for maximum psychological impact.
“It’s a tall order to top 9/11,” Jones reportedly said, “And I don’t think a dirty bomb is going to do it. It’s got to be full-on nuclear or forget about it.”
Military advisers are struggling to appease Trump but believe there’s no way to pull off a nuclear false flag. General Petraeus told Trump, “Our weapons leave unmistakable traces, and any nuclear scientist can detect where the material was mined and produced by simple tests of the fallout.”
Jones roared at the generals, “We KNOW about the thermite, we KNOW about the missile at the pentagon. We CONTROL the news.”
General Petraeus suggested, “We have a disarmament program and exchange nuclear materials with Russia. This would be the easiest way to make it look as if terrorists are behind the nuking.”
This suggestion enraged Trump who stood up and began to strategize, “If we can land Seal Team Six and grab Obama– I mean Osama–out of Pakistan, can’t we just go in there and grab a bonafide Islamic nuke? I get no respect, no respect.” The group of generals began to laugh at this witty one liner, delivered in Trump’s typical bombastic, outrageous frat boy stand up style. However, the mirth turned to stunned silence as Trump turned on his evil grin and sat quietly in his chair, pointing at each of the generals and delivering his most famous catchphrase. “You’re fired, and you’re fired, and you’re fired,” purging the military of its most competent leaders.
General Alex Jones was last spotted hyping up Seal Team Six, shouting at them, “I envy you WARRIORS! YOU have a chance to give your life for something bigger than 9/11, the final fight that will bring freedom to every individual on earth. Go in there and GET THAT ISLAMIC BOMB.”