Dearborn, MI — In a Post-Sony-9/11 world, sometimes Great Leaders have to take drastic measures in order to save our freedom. The once glorious and proud industrial nation of Detroit, home to Ford Motor Company, is nothing more than a large “Urban Garden” and collection of “Urban Decay” Flickr photo albums. Until now.
In what some are saying is simply an “effort to save face,” Kim Jong Un has purchased Ford Motor Company to hopefully bolster the United States’ torn and frayed economy. Considering the United States already owes China trillions of rubles in back taxes, Un was happy to pony up the funds necessary to keep Detroit afloat. Are there big collaborative plans for a prosperous partnership on the horizon or is this all just a smoke screen, a mind-trap for the upcoming memetic Cyber War?
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, a finance minor at Ball State and the Internet Chronicle’s Own Boy, believes Un was simply exercising his financial strength as a show of force. “Kim Jong Un is just buying low and selling high, baby,” Troubador says, referring to the timeless Wall Street idiom. He added, “it’s the American way, and I support that.”
President Obama was too preoccupied with hysterical vine clips to comment.
NORTH KOREA, Korea — Game theorist and Glorious Leader Kim Jung Un announced via a series of Vine videos today that North Korea was not involved with the Sony hack and provided an alibi that will shock the world far more than Joe Rogan and James Flaccos film “The Assassination.” An obviously pumped up . . .
Former President George W. Bush is upset over the Sony hack, says “Americans shouldn’t be confused about how to respond to a Cyber 9/11″
TEXAS — Friday from his office in Texas, Former President Bush responded to President Obama, who held a press conference to criticize Sony for censoring The Interview. Bush praised Obama’s . . .
ISIS mocked North Korean cyberwar tactics, touting their own powerful program’s invisible and effective operations
INTERNET — Friday, FBI spokespeople told Fox News that their investigators found final and conclusive proof attributing the landmark cyberattack on Sony to North Korean state-sponsored hackers. Like the Anonymous attacks that shuttered Sony’s video gaming network in 2010, . . .
An angry flash of pinkish-white light sparked the signal fires of a burgeoning utopia. Evaporated with the rest of humanity were its triumphs, achievements, and star-spangled banners. Its failures, too, burned up in the pulse. The domination, subjugation, torture and genocides behind them, an innocent people survived for some time on rations of Hamburger Helper . . .
Some that have suggested the Darknet isn’t so Dark have ignited a controversy causing a spate of vicious doxings and e-torture
INTERNET — Activism for a free and democratic internet took a grim detour this week as developers of the anonymizing Tor network defended their military funding amid a conflagration of hateful doxing, . . .
Anonymous leader Barrett Brown is serving two years in prison for revealing America’s possession of a Weapon of Mass Manipulation (WMM) propaganda “atom bomb” known as Metal Gear
CYBERSPACE — Tens of thousands of protesters across America taking part in the Black Lives Matter movement were declared a threat to homeland security and . . .
The most destitute sport on Earth
SIBERIA– Igor Ivanov took first place after his only surviving opponent took his own life during the hotly anticipated Siberian Open Russian Roulette Tourney ’14. The to-be annual championship is held at the prestigious abandoned number station south of Kayerkan Кайеркан.
Event coordinators came up with the . . .
A Vice owned and operated “Anonymous” brand twitter account perversely called for a boycott of Vice
PERVERSITY — Saturday afternoon YourAnonNews, one of the most popular Anonymous-themed twitter accounts, shared advice on how to boycott Vice after Sabu, the infamous traitor and former leader of Anonymous, was seen partying at Vice’s 20th anniversary . . .
Gorbachev announces “New Cold War,” rallies Soviets to seek New World Order that isn’t totally dominated by American power.
MOSCOW — In a speech blaming American triumphalism for the New Cold War, former Soviet Prime Minister Mikhail Gorbachev told reporters, “There will be people who have the courage to stop [the New Cold . . .