A Modern Effect

Your latency is 32ms – supposedly. You can handle this. You’re under control and you have the simultaneous support of both the Spetznaz and U.S. Marines. Your aim is true. But is your connection? . . .

Glory holes – unlocking the mystery

A new study coming out of California reveals glory hole “goes both ways” in coordination with Einstein’s theory of relativity . . .

Facebook drinking at an all-time high

Getting drunk and sitting at Facebook is the new way to party, and Elf Wax Times goes in-depth to find out why, and with whom we can score. . . .

WORLD HAILS GLORIOUS NEW LEADER

THE MIGHTY KIM JONG-UN IS DECLARED OUR NEW MAGNIFICENT LEADER. NORTH KOREA IS THE MOST BLESSED AND POWERFUL NATION! . . .

North Korean weapon vessel turns around, "left the stove on"

“It could start a fire,” said one analyst, Ernest H. Way, at Elf Wax Research Laboratories. . . .

Area man loses mind

Has the gubment taken your pension? Is the man keeping you down? Look no further than the government to get you back on your feet. . . .

Area man reheats macaroni, "Isn't the same"

Roanoke, Va. – Steve Grabowski, a Roanoke factory worker, was disappointed […] . . .

Black hole unlocks quantum secret to cosmos, accretes Earth

This evening, a black hole instantly spawned inside our solar system. The event occurred so suddenly that scientists have not been able to determine its preconditions, but more presently, they are concerned with how humanity will go about tackling this catastrophic phenomenon of rapidly-impending doom. Two brave Elf Waxtronauts

Commented . . .

Hold yourself hostage

It’s as easy as BCC: Barricade, Concoct, Communicate.

Barricade:

Pile all of your furniture up against your front and back doors, along with any other additional entrances to your soon to be Alamo. Bust apart whatever furniture is left and cover the windows with spare wood and upholstery. Pile all scraps in the middle of . . .

Don't live a sham. Know the truth, with EvoCam

Since the dawn of time, paranoid delusional people have been denied the opportunity to dodge reality and dive into the upward-spiraling colossus of a self-feeding reward system of worry. But now we can, with EvoCam.

Combining the award-winning prestige of the highly adaptive miniature video camera with the competence of your common desktop or laptop . . .