#ISIS joins Al Qaeda in mutual promise to deliver Ebola virus to USA

President Barack Hussein Obama was visibly upset by what they done to our boys today in upstate Canada.

President Barack Hussein Obama was visibly upset by what they done to our boys in upstate Canada.

Wash. D.C.– Not to be pushed into obscurity, Al Qaeda has teamed up again with #ISIS  to deliver the deadliest biological weapon known to man: Living Ebola carriers who are not yet symptomatic will bring the virus from Africa to the United States by exploiting dangerous flaws in airport security.

Once thought to be a Western myth, ISIS was originally kicked out of the Al Qaeda terror-ring for being “too extreme.” But desperate times call for desperate crimes, according to the world’s biggest Muslim, President Barack Hussein Obama. And Al Qaeda’s back, and blacker than ever.

“Conventional warfare is no longer hip,” Obama said Wednesday. “If Al Qaeda’s going to keep up, they’re going to have to play by a whole new set of fucked up rules.”

The new wave of terror, dubbed by the President as “Terror 3.0,” is spearheaded by a Canadian sleeper cell bearing direct ties to #ISIS. Rumor has it they had plans to attack a Parliamentary building in Ottawa, however there is no evidence to suggest they carried out their idle, meaningless threats. Still, Obama has said, the new terrorists do not need sleep. They persist without food, air or water. They are white ghosts behind the black, ink-stained pages of pure, unwritten history.

“The terrorist is a grim-faced lunatic who wants nothing more than to destroy freedom by instilling fears into the hearts of good, white American people, and exterminate babies out of hatred for life itself,” Obama said. “They eat clean coal for breakfast and sweat concentrated, crude oil. Just one glance from one of these Jihadist maniacs can turn even our bravest soldiers into stone.”

The president, who has already spoken out against the terrorist organization’s heinous crimes against babies, sparked controversy again by mandating forcible, rape-like anal searches for every man, woman, and especially child, coming into the US via airplane.

“I want fingers in every hole,” the President dictated. “There will be the gnashing of teeth. There will be … tribulation.”

President Obama, moments before he assumed his final form.

President Obama, moments before he assumed his final form.

And with the last breath of his final, ominous warning, the President of the United States exploded into a cloud of bats, enveloping the front row of the White House Press Corps, and carried them to Mount Vesuvius where torture awaits lost souls.

The devil is coming, scripture reads. The Antichrist is borne of hatred and paranoid superstition. And he’s looking you right in the eyes, promising a better tomorrow in 2016.

Snowden unveils secret surveillance mission of X-37B

Plans for the X-37B revealed by Edward Snowden show the military's attempt at total global surveillance of the entire Earth's surface

Plans for the X-37B revealed by Edward Snowden show the military’s attempt at total global surveillance of the entire Earth’s surface

INTERNET — Edward Snowden, hacker and NSA leaker, told reporters Sunday that the United States Air Force plans to deploy hundreds, if not thousands, of production variants of the X-37B spaceplane to maintain constant and total worldwide real time video surveillance.

Snowden told reporters, “In another few years the X-37B will be renamed the SR-76, and planners hope it can carry up to seventy surveillance satellites per orbit, deploying them strategically for constant video coverage of an area the size of Texas. Because the SR-76 is reusable, designers plan for at least fifty launches in the lifetime of each of the spaceplanes. Black budgets I’ve looked at call for the purchase of at least seventy SR-76 space planes to justify development costs, so we can assume that the aim is total surveillance over all populated sectors of the earth’s surface. The huge data storage centers built by the NSA will be able receive and store these surveillance videos indefinitely, leaving no event on the surface of the earth outside of the permanent gaze of law enforcement and the US military, decades or centuries later.”

Supporter of the US Government and former engineer for the Army, Jebediah Kermon, said, “If it saves just one soldier’s life, it’s worth it. We can’t be caught with our pants down. The Space Race never ended, and we’re really winning, now.”

 

5 Pictures of Great Leader That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity

Kim Jong Un - justgreatleaderthingsKim Jong Un - #justgreatleaderthingsKim Jong Un - #justgreatleaderthingsKim Jong Un - #justgreatleaderthingsKim Jong Un - #justgreatleaderthings

Police "Desperately Outgunned" by Nonviolent Criminals, 'Obama Study' Shows

Roanoke County Va. police officers cower behind one of only four humvees, and await public insurrection.

Roanoke County Va. police officers cower behind one of only four humvees, and await public insurrection.

WASHINGTON – Raped by images of rioters menacing barely-armed peace officers, President Barack Obama received results from a comprehensive review of the Department of Defense program which hands down military-grade equipment to police departments in need.

What the study found was concerning: Obama said the shocking results of his study revealed police departments are not receiving enough decommissioned body armor, mine-resistant trucks, flashbang hand grenades and silencers, and forces nationwide are “desperately low” on illegal fully automatic rifles.

Executive of Freedom James Clapper said the findings deliver a staggering blow to police forces across the country operating in a culture of growing intimidation and fear.

“We’re taking their legs right out from under them,” Clapper said in a statement. “Without the advanced weaponry they need, our boys in blue are powerless to overcome ecstasy and pot dealers poisoning our youth from behind their videogames and Led Zeppelin regalia.”

Clapper said police forces are unable to escalate many situations beyond baseline paranoid hostility.

“Just the other day, one of our men went in without a gas mask and lost his bearings in a cloud of marijuana smoke. He couldn’t even shoot a dog that was asleep on the rug, threatening the safety of our fellow officers.”

Clapper concluded that “more guns, not less” is the only way to satisfy “a police officer’s natural bloodlust and desire to kill,” without the added responsibility of proper training and moral integrity.

Chief of Roanoke Police Department Rambo H. Atesic said his officers are dragging their knuckles around like apes, beating their chests in a savage display of impotent rage, setting up daytime checkpoints just to menace motorists in 5 o’clock traffic.

“Roanoke, Virginia just placed 1,000 package orders of midnight-black flak jackets, ski masks, rape sticks and explosive hollow-point rounds that spray awesome radioactive sand all over a crowd of demonstrators,” Atesic said. “So naturally, they’re itching to use it. Hell, I can’t fucking wait to shoot a dog, let alone some meaningless colored person.”

Atesic’s pupils dilated as wide as the iris, and a tiny flame flickered behind his hollow gaze.

“Our boys’ dicks are harder than Donkey Kong and there’s niggers that need oppressing,” Atesic surmounted. “Don’t take their guns away right when they need them the most. No sir, boys. We got a war to win. Now get out of my face with your camera, before I fucking kill you.”

Of VICE and Men

The subject of Gavin McInnes being fired from the news outlet he created because of a piece he wrote was brought to my attention today through Justine Tunney’s article “In Defense of Gavin McInnes“. As a transwoman myself, I completely identify with Tunney’s words, however unpopular they may be. Not because I’m transgendered, but simply because she’s right. She speaks of freedom of expression and press, and as a journalist it frightens me that we can be torn from our own publication, have our families targeted and threatened with financial ruin by a mob of hysterical speech-hating cretins, simply for the words we write.

The public forums with integrated up/down-voting mechanisms for discussion, such as reddit, showed a rise in the idea that you could lessen the value of speech with the press of a button, not because it was wrong or because you rebutted with a superior counter-argument, rather because you just don’t like what you’re reading. It’s this mentality that has seeped into the minds of most people using the Internet, and it’s truly a testament to a willing erosion of our rights to express ourselves. When it becomes not about discussion, dialogue and diversity of opinion, but instead about censoring what we don’t agree with(along with trying to destroy the other persons life), we have truly lost our way.

I was featured in an article in VICE about a trolling organization I was a part of, known as the Rustle League. In the article I openly support the Westboro Baptist Church, not because I agree with them, but because they are one of the final bastions of freedom of speech in America and I will defend, to my death, their right to protest as many fags as they want. I also received threats because of that article.

VICE

OH FUCK!

Before that, I was included on an Australian television show about Internet trolling, where I was portrayed as the devil incarnate as a crowd of onlookers passed judgement before the show had even begun, not for what I said or had said, but because it could be said. The following week, I did an interview as a companion piece to the airing of the television show and the amount of vitriol spewed toward me in the comment section far exceeded anything I have ever said or done, but God bless them for saying it. It’s unfortunate the website had to close the comments section down because of the influx of troll-hating trolls being trolled into trolling, it made for quality trolling.

My tenure on the Internet spans from the mid-nineties to present and the amount of hatred directed towards me in a week is more than some people get in a lifetime. Does it bother me? No. Why? Because we all have a right to our opinions. What does bother me, however, is how quickly people will be there to try to take that right away and most of all, how successful they are.

Love it or leave it, just don’t delete it.

Ascend Unto Savings

With the 2016 primaries fast approaching, a lot of Americans are asking themselves which white collar criminal they should vote for. It’s a Hard Choice.

Why not both?

There is no reason not to trust an oligarchical institute of competing parties.

When I drive my family to the polls November after the November after next, I’ll make sure that we’re all ready to vote for Hil͏̟̳̱̤̘l̜̞̫̝͈̝̫a͇̼͓̘͠ͅr̯̹̩͝y̠̹ ͔͔͈̖̰͖ͅR̴͓̲̥̠̜od͈̳ͅh̼͇̯̗ͅa͚͚͘m͈ ͎̪̦̯̤̜C̢̱̲͈͇̯̦l̶͎̺̯͎in͉̘̩̭̖̬ton, of the 45th estate of Dark Lord Inglip, Home of the Titans.

I am so confident in the Democratic Party to represent my interests, I’d even trust a Republican to vote for them. Besides, i̴̱̲͓t̤̦͖͚̲ ̼͈̦̖̺̫̳̤̀d̬̗́o͏̥͖̙̻̗̦̣ẹ̛̼͕̠̪̹͢s̤̼̜͈͔̀͟͝n͏̜̻̟̮̣͈̘̼̕’̙̦̣̳̟͝t̵̩̮͕̳̩ ͟͏̳̤̮̟͘m̪͖͓͎͟a̢̨͔̦t̵̡̞̲͝t͏̶̺̜ḙ͍͝ŕ̬̗̳͕͓̺̬̺ ̨̖̤̲͚̦̘̭̙̻͜á̵̵̰̯̭̳̝n̶̟͇̭͓͓y̨̠̪̤̗͈͇̰̙ͅw̷̢̱̯͉̜̝̺͢a̷̘̙y̧̡̝͚̪̟̦̬̤̩͟.͕̣̫̤̺͞ We’re all gonna die!

I am the night. I am the crystalline hatred of His Glory! I am the cold void of space, dark matter itself. And I’m always shopping for bargains. That’s why I cut coupons. I even have a coupon for open democracy I plan to inject next Tuesday, assuming the F̤̹̼̣̠̿ͫ̊ͦiͩ̚͏f̗̺̬͇t̹̹̥̱͍ͫ͑h̠̆̄̈́ͥͬ̀ ͙̻͉̲̕Dimensional Pa̧̤̱̰̰̘͗̏́̒̋̅ȓ̵͇̼̱͍̗̼̞̜͉̿͗̂ͫͬ̿̚a͍͇̼͈̎͌ͣ́͑̍̿digm Shift doesn’t invert the 98th God’s isosceles invective (like last time!).

So come on out and try the all-new 2015 Ford Focus with rear-facing artillery cannons. For a limited time sign up for a new subscription on timespace-distorting plasma charges and receive your first cybernetic counter-enslavement upgrade ABSOLUTELY F̙̫̩͇̰͍̠̦̯̀͜R͕̰̬̹̼̦̙̕͟͡ͅE̷̻͙͉̝̟Ȩ͚͇̯̝͈̦. I am the darkness which flows through the hearts of men. Act now and SAVE on inner-oblivion anti-trust coating. D̪̟o̩̙̻͉͟ͅn̗̫̩͔̝̖’͘t́ ̀w̢̩̬a̞̙͙s̩̥̲̯̞̰ͅt̺͡ę͚̣̗ ̝̣̲̲̳̀ḁ͚̟̤͕̬ͅw̰̳̣̥a͉̼̼̰͜y͙̬͎̩ ͈̺̜̠͕̣l҉̘̫͖̲͕̟ḁ̰̮̱ț̦e҉r̰͙͈̼͕̥ ̣̣b̶̦̦̺̘e̢̗͚͎̫c̛̼a̲͍͎̣u̲̲̹̳͓̖ͅs̼̗̰͚e ͍͍͓͎̭y̯o̤̩͔͍͖̳̳ṳ͞ ̵̠͎̲̹̤̝̱͖͍̰͙̘̯̜̰̗͡c̵̸̸̱̫̘̟̰̀͘o̸̶͙̮͎̪̠̫̗̤u͏̴҉̰̙̖͉̪̼̣͎̱̭̠͉͡͞ͅl͎̳̘̮̦͈͇̬̜͞d̸̷̡̯̘̠̤̖̩̮̻̥̯̞͍̣̮͘ǹ͔̜̯͚̝͎̗̱͖͙̘̰͖̰͙̣́͜͟ͅͅ’̸̨̢͡҉̤̬̪̙̮̫ţ̴̣̬̫͈̖̬̫̀ ̸̷̨̗̣̟̜͘͝i̴̢͖̠̯̖͖̱̕͘͘ͅn̢̛͢҉̞̘̩̱͙̪̲͙̺͓̠͍̳͇͖̙ͅs̸̢̛̙̞͔̫͈̺͈̥̪̰̜͖̻͙͚̯̞͎ư̶͎̩͉͔͚͍̹̻ͅͅr̗̘̝̞̫͘͜e̝̻̩͓͚̻͟͜͝ ̳̞̝̹͍̠̜̪͕̘͍̖͢á̲͎͕̮̥̟̥̀̕g̛͚̖̣̘͢͝á̸̻̬̯̩̯͍i̧̧̗̩̘̻̤̟̲̮̻͓̪̱͈͍͙̺͎̕͝n̴͚̞̝̞̕͞s̴̛̱̩̝̩͓̖̪̩͍͚̮͍̲͡ͅt͘͜҉̧̱̥͔̭ ͏̵͇͕̥̗̗̣̩̳̣̞͉͙̲̤̫͟͞ṭ̮̹̲͇͎̖̼̥̲̻͙͜͟͠ḩ̼̱̯͎̘͎̗͈̩̗̲͉͉̥͍̘̣̭̼̕e̴̡͖̹̱̳ ̟̰͓̩̥̪͕͕͝H̡̦̜͍̗̮͉̣͈͍̺͠ͅͅa̵̩̩̫͈̜̭͇͜t̸͖̤͚̘̮̩̪̝̙͚͉̲͝͞e͏͙͍̞͍̼̗̥͉̮̘͉͍͖̠̜̻͚̕͜ ̡̛҉̮̣̲̖̩R̟̗̠̫̞̜͕͜à͇͚͙̺͕͕̥͠i̡̤̤̮̣͎͓̮̯̱̪͓͙̤̦͙̩̼̕͜͢͠n̴̢҉̬͚͍͉̻͈̻̮̲͘ ̕҉̶͓͎̬̪̺̬̣̩̟̬̱̤̥̮̹̯̱͇t҉͏͏͙͕̥̙̞̘͚͉͍̼̗͙̦̤͠ó̸̡̹̺̼̼̱̝̱̖̝͖͕̠̯̼͜d҉̵̗̞͉̟̯̗̗̱͍̝̳̲̼a͏҉̗͔͚̦͕̜͕̻͚̞͙ͅͅy͡͞͏̰̲̠͕͈̩.

Hillary 2016

T̷̛̮͈̹͕̘̬̞̞̋͆ͨ̈́̋͑͆͂̽̓͆̀h̴̡̢̛̠̬͇͚̮̺̠̼̘͕͈̻̜ͪ̑ͦͭ̿ͫ͐̋͑̽͌̀ͧ̇ͮ̚ͅeͮ̅ͣ̀͡͏̯͍̱̬̻͓̗̗̻̠̥͔͈̞͞ ̗͖͍ͩ̏ͫͮ͆̉͛̌̈́͒ͤͦ̑͋ͫ́ͪͫ̕͟͟C̓͑̏̍̿ͮ͊͗̓̇ͪ͑̂͘͏̴̵̨̝̯͚̲̦̱̳̩ȍ̶͛̓̾ͯ͋̑͂̂ͬ̊ͭ͂͋ͭ҉̛̯̟̙̞̯̥̮̱̪̀ͅŗ̶̤̫͓͓͉̱̗̘̲̯̫͔̞̖͙͓ͤͨͦͦ̀́p̧͇͉͈̥̜̘̣̞̬̠͉̣͔̭̹̦̿ͦͮ̅͋̓ͨ̑̾̽̒̑̈́̅͆͑́͞ͅo̧̿͒̍̎ͧ͆ͭͭ̿ͣͧ͌̚҉͉͔̲̜̥̱͙͍͍͈͇r̛̳̠̦̗̩̭͖̲͇̠͍͊̅̈ͥͪ̓ͪ̓͑ͭ́͢͠ḁ̴̡̧̙͙̫̣̮͇̫̰͕͊̏͗ͧ̾ͯ͐t̨̢͈̠̗̻̻͙̞͙̱̜͓̫̟̝̺͕ͣ̀̂̆͜e̱̮̥͉̟̦̮̹͙̗ͥ̀͌ͯ̂̓̆ͪ͗ͨͣ̽̃̊̒ͭͭ̚͟͟ ̷̧̥͎̤̳͕̼̲̭͈͙͚̯͗̀͛̈́̀͠M̧̛͚̹͎͍̝ͤͦͫ͂ͩͨͧ͋̀̂ͩ͋͠a̷̢̤̥͖͖ͨ̓̇͂̽̉͐̅ͣͤ̿̕̕͠sͤ̎̋ͫ͏̧̥̗̗̜̳͇͚̙̺̦̞̯̱̰̗͓͖̼t̸̶̡̮̱̹͎͇͍̝̻̼̱͔͖͈̝̑̾͒̍̅ͬ̍ͬ̓́͢e̢̧̨̯̙͇̳̹͍̼̥͍̗̥̘̝̭̣̝͈̓̏̿̀̽̈́̈ͥͥ̇̚͢͞ͅͅr̡̗̹̥ͣ͆ͧ͂̍ͦ͒ͪ ̗̞̤̹̝ͧ̋͋̌̀͠Ä̴̸̴̲̹̳̪̩͍̱̙͇͇̗̙̎ͫͭ͂̾̓ͯ͂ͧ̃̿͌̎͜͢w̨͙̣̬͓͉̖͈̺̣͚̯͍̠͌ͬ͊̔̔͂̏ͮͥ̍̔̇̒̔ͮ͐̀̊̀́͢͜ͅą̧̛͎͉̣̦̭͎̫̯̻̯̯̘͉̪̣̻͔̺̔̏̆̽͋̑̂ͣͮ̎͐͠i̅͐͒͗͏̶̟̮̬̦͈̻͉͙͉̣̻͞t̸̢̡͉̜̦̠̲̮͛͗ͬ͐̐̑͆̿͂̈́̾̊̔ͧͣ̌ͨ̈́̚ş̴̥̬̦̼̮̖̻̃͆̑͐͐ͤ̀͊̎̏ͥͥ̀̚

Stoned Phish Fan Finds Rapper DMX's Drivers License, Posts on Forum, Becomes "OP"

DMXhouse

Photo of DMX’s “poverty house”

INTERNET — Thursday evening, an arguably blazed fan of dad-rock band Phish, found and posted the drivers license of hardcore rapper DMX(Earl Simmons) to Internet forum Phantasy Tour, claiming his place as “OP” of an “epic thread.” In OP’s first post, he explains how DMX was always getting arrested up for driving without a license in the small town of Lyman, South Carolina. As it turns out, Simmons finally procured a drivers license, only to lose it whilst riding around town in his drop-down.

The now archived thread began with OP posting a photograph of the bankrupt rappers license, asking if he should go return it. After an overly caring second post, other forum posters took the information into their own hands and began ordering DMX pizzas, the hallmark of “epic threads.” Soon, an argument erupted over the fact that one pizza-bomber had done cash-on-delivery, prompting rabid Phish “phans” demanding others show “respect” to the destitute rapper(these posters were later dubbed “DMX white knights”). The pizza delivery man confirmed that the delivery had been made.

Among the wave of self-congratulatory and “thread of the year” posts, forum goers began cleverly combining DMX lyrics with that of pizza ingredients, bringing phans to many lols. Forum goer stipe1 even seized the opportunity to read the thread aloud to his son. One poster went as far as to looking up women on Craigslist to send to his house, for a nominal service charge. Much to the chagrin of posters, this plan never panned out. Someone ordered him Phishs’ new album off Amazon, which apparently, was hilarious.

As the thread moved closer to the 499 post limit(the staple of a Phantasy Tour “epic thread”) and the shoddily photoshopped memes kept flowing, phans began to wonder about OP’s whereabouts. Soon, OP appeared to his adoring fans, savoring his 499 posts of Internet fame, to say he was not murdered by a crack fueled Earl Simmons.

When all was said and done, phans concluded that OP had delivered.

UPDATE: In a new thread attempting to continue the “lulz,” the no-longer OP said in a typed statement: “All the sudden this isn’t as funny to me anymore. I’m sure you guys are loving it though. He might kill me for real.”

Comments on the Internet are stupid, and so are you

You stupid bunch of motherfuckers. You worthlesss piece of shit. You racist, consumerist, self-interested products of incest. I mean wow, who would have thought that if you lead a life of blindly half-assing everything, you would finally, eventually, get what you want? Well, your day has come. The world sucks now, just a little bit more than it already did before. And it is your fucking fault.

Everyone on the Internet is a horrible piece of trash. At The Internet Chronicle, We know and understand this. Leaving comments on videos, on news stories, on reddit, on The Internet Chronicle: You are all, ALL, of you, are ignorant, shitty people.

Nobody cares about your stupid, fucking uneducated opinions based on the one thing you just read or watched. You don’t know shit, and what’s worse is you don’t even try to reach for anything better. You are an ignorant fuck commenting on a website, and you don’t even want to learn more about whatever stupid thing it is you’re about to say. You are just going to say it, and let all the rest of the world worry about it, like an atom bomb of chain-reacting, brain-deadening stupidity.

“What did he mean? Well, did he honestly not know about the subject, or does he actually have unique access to information that nobody else has, and that’s why he says his politician cares and the other ones don’t?”

No, obviously, the reason you are talking is because you don’t know shit, because it’s supposed to work like this: If you keep your mouth shut and listen, and read, then you are learning. But when you’re talking, when you’re writing the BULLSHIT that comes out of your head, then not only are you not learning anything, but you are literally contributing to an ongoing, universal ignorance by delaying everybody else’s chances to read something interesting or learn something they didn’t know as well, because EVERY BODY STOP!! — YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. That is why they call it the great equalizer, because you can help drag everyfuckinbody down with you.

So you know what? Fuck you, and fuck your stupid comments. Fuck the whole god damn Internet. Just, fuck it. I’m out.

you wanna delete my stories motherfucker, how about i delete you

FUCK YOU WORDPRESS.

FUCK YOU WORDPRESS. YOU FUCKING OPEN SOURCE PILE OF MORMON SHIT.

FUCKING WORDPRESS IS A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. You know what else is open source? Religion.

WORDPRESS, I FUCKING HATE YOU.

WORDPRESS ATE MY FUCKING ARTICLE, I PUT UP AN IMAGE AND ALL IT FUICKING SAVED WAS THAT PIECE OF SHIT IMAGE.

“OH, YOU WANTED TO SAVE THAT PIECE OF SHIT DOCUMENT YOU WERE WORKING ON FOR 90 MINUTES? PFFFFUCK YOU, LOL, BUT I SAVED THE IMAGE YOU UPLOADED, IN FACT I OVERWROTE YOUR PIECE OF SHIT STORY WITH IT.”

I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S THIS FUCKING SERVER THAT CAN’T HOLD ITS OWN ASS IN ITS HANDS. I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S OPEN SOURCE WORDSHIT OR THE WHOLE GOD DAMN WHATEVER THE FUCK IS OUT THERE, I WANT TO NUKERAPE THE EASTERN SEABORD.

The USA is a Binary nation-state

[Editor's note: Okay, alright now we are going to write this. I smoked a big old fat thing of weed and now we are going to write an article about]

The state of our world

…digital and otherwise – assuming there’s a difference (based on a paper forwarded to me by Kilgoar, I unconsciously pore over the definition of reality. The paper – originally published in a scientific journal, but now Aaron Swarz’d on this subversive website – stipulated that substantial evidence “exists” to suggest reality as we know it is a computer simulation.

The cat pictured is exhibiting extra-binary political analysis.

The cat pictured above is exhibiting extra-binary political analysis.

Let’s just say for a second that we do live in a computer simulation designed to reproduce (or produce for the very first time) each facet of our existence – from the evolution of the single-celled organism to mankind, or from illiteracy to telekinesis. Let’s assume that every instance of reality exists not only in probability but in practicality. If we are part of “one” simulation then we may infer there possibly could be many others. Perhaps these alternate realities play out in widening variations – even to the extent we no longer recognize existence in its many otherworldly iterations.

Or let’s just say that’s all bullshit. Either way, does a two-party system actually reflect the needs of mankind?

Even fucking binary code “needs” more than 1′s and 0′s to function. Binary needs a processor.

Our false-binary political system does not allow us to recognize what goes on outside that vote – or that the government itself is a sort of processor, and not the result of voting itself. The processor is designed for certain purposes; all of them acted out, at its most basic level, in binary. And that is how America votes (and the results are menacingly consistent). Republican or Democrat, “left” or “right,” this one or that one, the lesser of two evils, and so on … it is by design that these are our choices.

It is of the utmost importance that we question, at every opportunity, what “reality” is, or is not.

To be, or not to be, that is the question—

This is a classic example of pre-computer false binary. I would have sailed out across God’s green ocean, and to hell with revenge and the idolization of one’s enemies.

But Prince Hamlet let himself get wrapped up in the binary when he should have been thinking about wrecking the processors. If you don’t like what your Pentium IV from 1999 is doing, then you don’t delete out a line of code. You replace that motherfucker. I’m talking about a processor revolution, and people don’t think like that. We are taught to think in binary. Yes and no.

So what if you KNEW “everything” was a computer simulation. Wouldn’t you want to play in it? Wouldn’t you be interested in seeing what it can do? Or does being a process relegate us to certain behaviors, certain parameters – certain “rules.” Maybe, right? But isn’t it worth a try?

#replaceallprocessors