“Now I’m not the typical rapper that you’ll see. I gotta have my toka cola and I want it free. So here I am layin it down, I hope my rapping doesn’t make you frown!”
Secretary of Blazin’
The following is a list of the most awesome uses of the simile this article gets its title from. Also, everyone’s favorite tragedy, except for Cole Hogan. A bad week in Queercasting, or Heath Ledger’s death? That’s practically 9/11, ‘dude.’ Look at the animation to the left carefully if you don’t understand.
“That cockpit eject shit is crazed. It’s like the 9/11 of explosions, with less laughs.” – Wayne Moss.
So to recap, being ignored, celebrity death, celebrity ugliness, and unsportsmanlike conduct in the NBA: 9/11. 9/11…eh, that’s like a small VT Massacre.
Realizing that their product is no less than 100% pure ethanol, moonshiners in Franklin Co. Va have run gasoline out of town. They have perfected the process of producing ethanol on a scale that makes a happy drunken life with cheap renewable energy completely plausible. Usually commercially available ethanol is “denatured” or rendered poisonous, through introduction of gasoline or other poisons. Not straight moonshine. The fact is, if you grew your own corn, and made your own ethanol, you might not ever have to pay for gasoline, electricity, or alcoholic beverages. No wonder such self-sufficiency is illegal. It is a well known fact that the oil industry is the real reason moonshining has been cracked down upon. We should be up to our faces in corn, in every corner of every street, in every neighborhood and every alleyway. This would be a land where the power did not come from the people, who are unjust and prone to hate, but from the corn, who share up to 99.9% of our DNA anyway. Everyone should be encouraged to grow corn for the purpose of moonshining, to create something from nothing, for this is the only way an economy works. If ethanol is Jesus, those hacks with their cellulosic ethanol pipe-dream garbage super-genetically-enhanced bacteria that will probably kill us all is perhaps… the Anti-Jesus?
WARNING: Parental Discretion IS ADVISED. THE FOLLOWING IS EXTREMELY INSENSITIVE AND SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY ANYONE, EVER. Original Tragedy graphic is Copywright Cole Hogan, 2006. Modified graphic and animation are copyright Jesus Hubert Christ, 12 AD.
(So that’s what that H stands for!)
that little bastard bought guns from my home town…….Cavalier, Tarheel, Captian, Turpin…..we all gotta little hokie in us this right now.”if cops eat bacon is it considered canabalism?”
If cops got to the scene of the Virginia Tech massacre and ate all the dead corpses, is it considered ‘canabalism’? NO! There’s no such thing as ‘canabalism’.
gone to bed, pray for our hokies, pray that is well, and pray to god that cho’s rotting in hell……….yes I meant for that to rhyme.”if cops eat bacon is it considered canabalism?”
My favorite line in that wonderful poem is “Pray that is well.”
for all my fellow captains, I have a new profile image on facebook that contains captain chris and the hokie bird, I”m hoping it will catch on. If you want the original jpeg to upload to your own profile, email me and I will glad you send a copy.”if cops eat bacon is it considered canabalism?”
Wanna see it? Tragilicious!
“If cops ate bacon…” remained at the end of every single one of Cole’s away messages from March 4th to October 14th, a total of 7 months and 10 days. The precise amount of time that that joke is still funny. What a great joke.
Sick of the children at your door begging for candy? The yearly news story about getting rid of trick or treating, and how it’s all Satan’s fault? Well why in Satan’s Hell else would you be here with your friends at Elf Wax?
Check out some of these SPOOKY web sites.
Now, I don’t normally do this. Hell, I never do this. But if anyone’s got the right make fun of Roanoke, it’s either a current or former citizen. NOT some wackjob from Tucson, Arizona! They can’t even spell Tooson right.
Lost? You should be. Here’s the deal. Dolla Billz came across this lovely article, describing the journalistic abilities (or lack thereof) of one Jennifer Waddell, a former reporter in Roanoke. Oh, did I mention that she’s smokin hot on TV and even hotter in person? Hell, in journalism that’s like 85% of the job. Now, this article, posted by some crazed, no-life at a gay people community in Arizona, bashes Ms. Waddell for being biased and prejudice because of blah blah blah. What struck my rage vein was this quote:
“Perhaps that kind of biased and prejudicial reporting worked in Ms. Waddell’s native Roanoke, Virginia, but I hope she has learned that in Tucson it is not acceptable.”
Nah dude, I think not. Not while there is a Ronald W. Nitro on this planet will this shit fly. No one from Arizona is going to bash Roanoke nor (more importantly) Roanoke goddess, Jennifer Waddell like that. He should be thanking Heaven that she even moved out there. But that’s not my point. Point is good ol’ Kent Burbank, for mentioned douche, got a nice ragemail from me. “Will ya post it?” Pleeeeeeease. Who do you think I am? Dick Cheney?
This is in response to your lovely, childish post, “Wingspan Responds to Jennifer Waddell’s Sensationalistic Journalism.”
First of all, you need a hobby or something if a simple news story causes this type of child-like behavior, I.E. you calling for everyone to email, call, and bother her at any expense to complain. Get a life, dude.
Secondly, I’m not one hundred percent in love with the tone of this statement:
“Perhaps that kind of biased and prejudicial reporting worked in Ms. Waddell’s native Roanoke, Virginia, but I hope she has learned that in Tucson it is not acceptable. We hold our journalists to higher ethical and journalist standards.” – Yourself.
What’re you implying sir? What did Roanoke do to you? Did I miss something or is Roanoke the biased and prejudice capital of America? Do you recognize your contradiction here? You post a full article criticizing Ms. Waddell’s “prejudice” and then you lower yourself to the same level by assuming that Roanoke is a Mecca to prejudice values simply because Jennifer Waddell used to be a reporter there. Shame on you, Kent. If there was “Wingspan” type community for the citizens of Roanoke, you’d be on their list, pal! Why don’t you give me YOUR personal cell phone number so I can call and harass you for being prejudice? How’s that sound?
Two wrongs don’t make a right, you hypocrite. Just because there’s no cacti in VA doesn’t mean you have to jump to conclusions. And by the way, just for your information, I’ve met Jennifer Waddell in person when I was living in Roanoke, and she’s so beautiful that she could turn any gay guy straight. Maybe next time, open your eyes, close your ears, and please, for the internet’s sake, turn off your computer. For good. That’s all… for now.
More on this story as it develops. Hopefully.