Doc Watson NOT killed by the Illuminati

Live Forever In Peace As We Perish


The “Technorati,” an extreme AnarchoSocialist element of the Illuminati far above Anonymous in terms of skill and secrecy, quieted Doc Watson away to a CyberGrave and publicly announced his “Death” on Tuesday. CyberGraves are the biggest new craze among secretive elites like the Bilderbergers and Illuminati. By recording only a few hours of brain activity with incredibly sensitive equipment, sensitive down to the cell, a CyberGrave could potentially lead to a state of virtual immortality for even this very generation! The secretive nature of this technology is of course kept under the tightest of tight wraps, tied down, and used by only the super elite.  The first celebrity to ever be given a CyberGrave was Tupac, and current hologram technologies allow him to make appearances in public saying entirely new things which are genuinely taken from his real, preserved consciousness. Engineers for Tupac reported Anonymously that rendering Tupac’s appearance at Coachella this year took ten whole years.

“This is probably the New World Order, folks. I’ve finally figured it all out. The reason why the Denver Airport is geared out to gas an entire continent in a single act of monumental unscalable terror and genocide is because all the fucking Elites from Bilderburg to Doc Watson have all had themselves digitized and they’re just waiting until they have their own digital fucking Minecraft world supercomputer to retreat into after this one is FUCKING DESTROYED. This is how they will achieve MAXIMUM POWER OVER ALL. Well, I’d rather be a damned victim of the biggest genocide in the history of the entire damned planet than a sucker living inside a world of computer glitches where some heroic myth generated by a computerized hack will repeat recursively ad nauseum.” ~ Alex Jones Infowars.com

FACT #1: Right now the “NSA” is building the world’s biggest supercomputer storage database near Area 51 which will be so fucking big it can contain the entire internet 10,000 times and that’s before they upgrade it. Plus, it’s heavily defended by armed guards at all time. Anonymous Insiders says the secret location is codenamed EDEN

FACT #2: Why bother with the material world if you can retreat into an endless realm where you are now actually “God?” If you had this power, would you ever tell anyone about it? NO!

Fact #3: This makes more sense than lizards because David Icke just thinks Jews are nonhuman.

Adam Yauch “murdered” by Illuminati

We killed him

Are you actually googling this right now? I mean seriously, every single fucking time some celebrity dies there’s a surge of you crazy fucking conspiracy theorists trying to fit the event into your “absurd” world view. Well, you know what? You were fucking right to think the Illuminati killed Adam Yauch because we’re killing EVERY celebrity off slowly. Yes, we control every fucking thing you see on television and the Internet as well.

If you want to know what the Illuminati is up to, hell, come to the Internet Chronicle. We’ll give you the straight dope, right from the highest levels. Bookmark this page now if you want to know who’s gonna die next. Will it be Rachel Ray? Or will it be George Clooney? Hey, we’re all going to die some day. That is, of course, unless we all pray to Inglip and cross over to PostHumanity. That’s right, the first “real” PostHuman is actually Tupac. We copied his consciousness into a secret computer system back in the early 90’s and you saw him take the stage at Coachella. This ain’t no joke. No sir.

Oh, we’re in control of the Google now. Anything we want to say will bubble right to the top because we know how to “pull the strings” at the very highest levels of their organization. We ARE the very highest levels of their organization. See, people like you, investigating us at the Illuminati, we’re on to you. We don’t give a fuck anymore and the Internet Chronicle is just here to rub it in your face. We own your world. Get used to it.

 

Internet Chronicle writer “Kilgoar” Trout dead at 27

Fans mourn the loss of Trout.

WASHINGTON – Monday, “Kilgoar” Trout, founder of the beloved Internet Chronicle, died from a simultaneous drug overdose and car wreck while on his way to a “business meeting.” Police forensics experts seemed befuddled reporting, “We’ve never had a case of death by the combination of overdose and car accident, but this is what appears to have happened.” Trout was not driving the vehicle at the time of the wreck, but the driver, who escaped unscathed, was tested by police at the scene and was reportedly extremely drunk. Obsessive teary-eyed fanboy Geo Hotz said, “This is just like Princess Diana. We will have no justice.”

Long-time friend of Trout, Niall Coffey, said, “Kilgoar fell prey to his own lavish lifestyle and instantaneous Internet success. We knew it was bad when he did a cameo on EpicMealTime, but we didn’t know it was this bad. He will be deeply missed.” Critics of The Internet Chronicle say the site descended from a darkly funny and intelligent source for satire into an endless stream of transparent death hoaxes, which were nonetheless highly successful in bringing in massive streams of advertising revenue.

Known for obsessively attacking the hacktivist collective Anonymous, perhaps Trout’s most famous and controversial work was the Anti-Leader’s Handbook, a longwinded 8,000-word self-centered exegesis full of  red-faced rants and recycled postmodern tropes on the paradoxical nature of Anarchist Collectives and archetypal anti-heroes. It also featured the now-famous “Stratfor hack is not Anonymous” hoax, which rightly accused Sabu of working with the FBI months before the public became aware. The self-styled “King of Trolls,” Trout viciously taunted every sect of humanity in the name of non-violence and tolerance.

The Internet Chronicle’s remaining assets have been transferred to Tyler Bass, who plans to sell the business to News Corporation for 11.2 million USD. Mr. Trout’s personal fortune, upwards of $5.6 billion, has been set aside to buy laptops for children in the third world. These laptops come with an operating system designed personally by Trout to block all viral content and only show information produced or curated by verified experts.

Thomas Kinkade: Murdered by the Illuminati?

This is a surreal study of temporal space. The houses are rendered on a winter night, their windows glowing with a warm light while smoke billows from chimneys on snowy rooftops. Meanwhile, the outside world appears to be an evening in spring, as flowers bloom and the creek runs full. Also, people in this world are buried in their front yards.

Thomas Kinkade, famed “painter of light,” died on Friday under mysterious circumstances at the age of 54. Early reports from a police autopsy have told a bizarre story: Kinkade died from a polonium 210 poisoning, which is an extremely potent poison lethal in incredibly small doses.

Analysts suggest that only a very well-connected and powerful entity could possibly have access to such a rare poison, prompting a spat of wild speculation. This automatically narrows the field of suspects to governments and supergovernmental organizations such as the Illuminati. But why would the Illuminati have an interest in killing off Thomas Kinkade?

It’s a well-known fact that the vast majority of the Illuminati’s wealth is invested in timeless works of art, and a large proportion of their annual income is derived from copyright claims and the sale of art memorabilia such as posters. By providing such overly popular images, Kinkade actually undercut the Illuminati in the same way Michael Jackson did. Artistic success is a zero-sum game and the Illuminati is always undercut by emerging popular artists.

Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Kobain, Jim Morrison, and Amy Winehouse all died at the age of 27, but Kinkade’s age of death was exactly twice that at 54. Why does the Illuminati work only in intervals of 27? Expert numerologist Angstrom H. Troubadour explained the numeric aspect of this ritual is very important to the Illuminati, and said, “Artistic cleansing is especially significant to their theories about advancing society towards their mystical anti-Christian agenda.”

Selena Gomez dead at 19

Selena Gomez died in a fatal car accident

Selena Gomez was pronounced dead at the scene of a fatal alcohol-related accident.

Los Angeles – Fans mourn the loss of Disney star Selena Gomez, who was pronounced dead in a fatal car crash Friday. According to police on the scene, alcohol is believed to have been a factor in the accident.

Gomez had to be cut loose from the wreckage of her late model Ford Escape Hybrid, which was tangled between a guardrail and telephone pole off Santa Monica Boulevard, authorities said.

“When I see this happening to kids,” explained LAPD’s Deputy Foster, holding back tears, “I wrench up inside. This is a tragedy. They weren’t even old enough to drink or have sex with me.”

Attorneys confirmed profits from Gomez’s new clothing line, “Dream Out Loud by Selena Gomez,” are contractually obligated to absorb into Disney, which has outraged family members seeking comfort from the corporation which capitalized so heavily upon Gomez’s image, at the cost of her life.

The teen starlet, who just recorded a song with heartthrob Justin Bieber, was not alone in the accident. Two others died at the scene, however because they are not famous, and never will be, their names will not be printed here.

Uncomfirmed reports of two other individuals have surfaced amid reports Gomez was cheating on Bieber. Unnamed sources close to the couple indicated the two had “been having problems” but would not comment on the accident, or Gomez’s awesome underage drinking “problem.”

LulzSec Leader Betrays All of Anonymous aka “wheres your guy fawkes mask now” lol

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Andrew Breitbart hoaxes his own death

Goodnight, sweet prince.

Fans mourn the loss of Andrew Jackson Breitbart, the pundit better known by the name ‘Andy,’ who died early Thursday morning at his home in Los Angeles.

Breitbart was pronounced dead at 3:48 a.m. EST. Cause of death was listed as “Complications associated with acquired immunodeficiency syndrome,” or AIDS. He was 43.

Breitbart is survived by twelve ex-wives and six children.

Because no will was entered into the public record, Breitbart’s charity for underprivileged children in Africa, the Konfidence Foundation, will dissolve.

Remaining assets are to be turned over to DR (Congo) for future disbursement to nobody in particular.

After a recent vitriolic and hateful explosion at an Occupy event, Andrew Breitbart has been accused of hoaxing his own death. Breitbart didn’t receive the kind of attention he had hoped for from his drunken hate speech, so now he’s sunk to the same level as the Internet Chronicle and is on the road to infinite blog hits.

Disclaimer – This is all completely fucking true and you’d be a fool to believe anything BigGovernment.com says. No, it’s not just another formulaic Akon death article, it is so much more.

Barrett Brown murdered by the infamous Zetas cartel

Barrett Brown

DALLAS – Fans mourn the loss of Barrett Cockram Brown, who was found murdered in his modest home Sunday morning.

Police stated Brown died slowly from a controlled blood loss which took “at the very least,” several hours.

Coroners report Brown died at 3:32 AM CST on Sunday. Not all of Brown’s remains were recovered, and investigators suggested Brown’s testicles had been kept as a small trophy by a group of high-ranking members of the Zetas, a drug cartel Brown repeatedly threatened on YouTube.

Brown’s prolific writing career was sullied by his repeated attempts to act as a spokesperson for Anonymous, the hacktivist collective which largely treats Brown as a total pariah.

Brown’s recent book deal with Amazon, known enemy of Anonymous, created intense controversy because of Brown’s hunger for dirty corporate money to support his drug habits.

Brown is survived by a few junkie friends who have dedicated their latest binge to his memory.

Anonymous hack reveals Illuminati behind Whitney Houston’s murder

Tina Turner

Whitney Houston

Our close friends within Anonymous infiltrated the e-mail accounts of Illuminati agents several months ago, waiting for the kind of scoop we got this morning. The following is an uncensored excerpt from an Illuminati e-mail which has not been fully disclosed to the public because of its sensitive nature and the extreme discretion Anonymous uses when dealing with Illuminati material.

“The target was intercepted at Tru Hollywood and the poison was administered with very little altercation. The agent was disposed of using the established Jack Ruby method.”

Anonymous generally keeps Illuminati related hacks close to their belt, but found it outrageous that their beloved Whitney Houston – with similar eyebrows to the iconic Guy Fawkes masks – was murdered just for the purpose of distracting people from the massacres the Illuminati are currently directing in Syria.

Our analysts suggest that this is the final straw for the Illuminati. Anonymous will soon be swept away with a single campaign of false flag murders from the Illuminati, posing as angry j35t3r fans and Zetas.

Investigators suggest Whitney Houston murdered

Whitney Houston

Los Angeles– Fans mourn the loss of Whitney Elizabeth Houston, who died Friday evening in her room at the Beverly Hilton.

Whitney Houston died from fatal injuries sustained after an apparent violent encounter in her hotel room, say police.

Whitney Houston was pronounced dead at 6:55 p.m. EST. Cause of death has not been determined by police. Sources close to the musician suggested Whitney Houston may have dressed like she was “asking for it.” She was 48.

Whitney Houston is survived by her mother Cessa Houston, who has so far refused to speak to media about the circumstances surrounding her daughter’s death.

Whitney Houston’s charity, The Whitney Houston Foundation For Children, suffered financial losses after rumors of Whitney Houston’s crack abuse caused major donors to withdraw pledged funds.

Houston’s tumultuous relationship with Bobby Brown was marked by rumors of physical and sexual abuse which has raised several questions about the nature of Houston’s death. UPDATE: TMZ is reporting investigators have interviewed Bobby Brown in relation to the murder of Whitney Houston. UPDATE: Click this link to find the truth behind Bobby Brown’s involvement!