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Society Technology World

The world’s first arcology goes live: Akon City skyline amazes Senegal

DAKAR, Senegal——Millions of fans and refugees tore at each other in a stampede to gain entrance and instant citizenship in the newly opened “Akon City” arcology near Ponto, Senegal.

Upon entrance, new citizens were greeted with a digital identification card giving them access to a lifetime of free housing, food, and fiber-optic internet.

Sprawling avenues, beset with alleyway marketplaces, crowded with merchants trading their wares, the front gate scuffle opens into scenes from the highest science fiction fantasies.

Akon City offers breathtaking glimpses into a star-studded wonderland, where normies and their heroes can bond over a mutual love for planned society.

Couples walk hand-in-hand toward a tower at the center of town, joining thousands in an evening migration to the main stage, for a ritual around a nightly hologram. The group swells and crashes in human waves upon the round, masses frothing at the base of the larger-than-life, 12-feet-tall apparition of Akon himself.

Not only is operating an RTX 3080Ti PC graphics card at 99% power profitable, the cryptomining hardware itself is the load-bearing structure of the most power-intensive metro area ever conceived, according to lead developers at the architectural firm, Lebal Drocer, Inc.

“The buildings? Yeah, they’re made out of graphics cards,” said architect Myadi H. Triinh. “Even the floors. The walls. That’s free hot water.”

Akon City: Buildings and railways are built for "breathability" to dissipate excess heat from structural graphics cards.
Akon City: Buildings and railways are built for “breathability” to dissipate excess heat from structural graphics cards.

Squinting into the simulated sunset on his full-wall monitor system, influencer Babacar Mbaye exclaimed to his Akon.TV viewers, “I have full access to the computing power of four RTX 3080s and I can use them as I see fit.” With one gesture Mbaye’s sunset morphed into a cyberpunk terminal system full of switches, scrolling text, code, at which he began to furiously hack, Akoins flying across his virtual heads up display.

“Already I am making an Akoin a day just streaming this video feed of my apartment!” Mbaye winked, and you can make almost that much while fully mining, relaxing, and reading a book! Even if sometimes only in small ways, everything I do contributes to the creation of more Akoin.”

A bedgraggled mule trudged by in the direct sun, pots and pans clanging at her sides.

Seynabou Ndiaye was less than satisfied with Akon’s sprawling Arcology.

Ndiaye was once a prosperous journalist, moving easily about Chicago, putting stories together about chronic underfunding in American school systems. Now, he is lost, convinced that some answer to a question he’s not quite sure was his lies just around the next corner, and he keeps getting turned around in Akon City.

“I can’t find my way around this so-called vanity city,” Ndiaye said. “I tried to leave but there are no exits. I feel like an animal in here. They want to try to make me video game until I have no Akoins and then try to charge me more Akoin just to open my own doors, flush my dirty floor toilets, use their toilet paper. It is a filthy prison, but at least I do not have to work in the hot sun. Still, I can’t seem to shake some strange feeling, a nagging sensation, telling me, ‘This is not who I am.'”

Akon, 38, died in his Atlanta home November 20, 2011.
Akon died at his Atlanta home November 20, 2011. He was 38.

Ousmane Sene raged angrily in the moments before his popular stream, a show about Akoin investments, was quickly shut down:

“I can live like Akon when I put on VR goggles, but I begin to lose my Akoins. Soon I cannot open my door unless I perform another song by Akon. I do not like Akon. I am a fan of rock and roll and jazz but they do not give Akoins. It is like a new hell.”

Akoin, a cryptocurrency famously first minted by Akon, is the central currency of Akon City. Foreign dollars are surrendered to guards at checkpoints entering and leaving The Gambia.

“The rules start getting blurry,” a distorted, robotic voice said from the back, but Chronicle reporters could not hear him very well, and did not seek follow-up comment. A primer on Akon City’s decentralized contract-based law will suffice.

Visitors concerned with theft at the border are assured that their money is in safe hands, because APD officers are contractually forbidden to use foreign currency, a crime punishable by mutilation or death.

Akon City Attorney statement:

Our Customer Police Department is committed to the safety of Akon City. Coming in for a visit? We will stop at nothing to protect you from each other, using proven weapon strategies, as demonstrated by our team’s efforts in the Counterstrike: Global Offensive arena.

Surrender currency at the border to an Akon City representative, and receive Akoin in kind. Be not afraid. Your worthless fiat currency is safe with us.

Any labour performed at our camps is awarded at the premium rate determined by the strength of Akoin in global markets. Unfairly mistaken for “scrip,” Akoin is in fact a volatile cryptocurrency that is sure to keep your stay in our city very exciting.

Come on 7’s! Watch the markets.

Sincerely,
0000
Chief, Akon City Police
[name redacted for agent’s protection]

After getting high, or gambling, or getting your dicks yoinked at Akon’s $6 billion town (we’re not telling), a Qualified Paying Member with Full Membership Paperwork and Proof of Receipt, a guy like you is more than welcome to cash out anytime, and leave, taking only what you know with you, from Akon City.

What did you learn while you were here?

People wishing to sponsor a thing or do a whatever can register online at the Akon City website. Go ahead player, put your credit card in and see what this thing can do!

Top comment:

It's almost like the city itself was a character

Bal Rossley, Aug 31, 2022 at 6:29 a.m.

671k likes

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Categories
Health Status Quo

Got a case of the Mondays? A weekend drug bender could be “Miracle cure”

The smiles on my client’s faces are the only credentials I need.

SWEETWATER—Hi I’m Angstrom Troubadour, promoting the concept of splitting my personality off, and inserting intentions between two different bodies, which is how I’m able to be here, to tell you, Dr. Troubadour says do a lot of drugs over the weekend so you’re still high on Monday morning.

Now why don’t you lay back on that table. Let me and Dr. Troubadour open up your source code.

How’s that grab you sweetheart?

Dr. Troubadour is a licensed professional in ALL 50 STATES. He is insured. Bonded!

Let Lebal Drocer be your light this Holiday Season (mid-June) as you venture deeper into the goblin cave systems, ignoring the lull of gnomes and their sweet little voices.

How does that stuff your socking?

Don’t answer that! Listen to what I’ve got to say. Hi everyone, I’m source 2 and the writer would have inserted me here, but instead he signed a statement legally forbidding my name from appearing in all articles published by him. Learn more about this never, because no one can talk louder than my money.

Dr. Troubadour’s serum is available at all major drugstores and Walmart Supercenters. Hell on Earth is available now, everywhere.

dr troubadour
Troubadour was cleared of wrong-doing.

So anyway get real high all weekend, you won’t even feel Monday. Who are you? Garfield? You are above Monday. He lies beneath it.

I’m Dr. Troubadour, a trusted Medical Doctor, versed in the Humanities.

Fight the power. Fist of justice. 10 percs in the open palm. Sleepy Warriors. Party every night. — Doctor’s Orders

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Categories
Special Interest Technology

LEAKED: New Hate Radio chat filter would ban words like “silly,” “boring,” “union,” and “comedy”

Also: “Irony,” “Amazon,” “this is dumb,” “diversity,” “not funny,” “disingenuous,” and others.

HATE RADIO WILL BLOCK and flag chatroom posts on the twitch.tv platform that contain keywords pertaining to poor show quality, labor unions, and complaints about hatesec, heard over broadcast peeing in bottles, according to internal company documents reviewed by The Internet Chronicle.

An automatic word monitor would also block a variety of terms that could represent potential critiques of Amazon’s Internet Chronicle’s working conditions, like “slave labor,” “not funny,” “distortion,” and “restrooms” – presumably related to reports of Internet Chronicle staffers urinating in bottles to meet punishing deadlines.

“Our teams are always thinking about new ways to help listeners engage with each other,” said Hate Radio spokesperson Hatesec. “This particular program has not been approved yet and may change to promote racist edgelord behavior and new language for getting around chat filters.”

In November 2021, Hate Radio convened a high-level meeting in which top executives discussed plans for removing the chat altogether to create an entirely one-way experience akin to the earliest days of radio, that would allow listeners to sit with their hands folded, listening politely to the hateful, delusional ravings of kilgoar, hatesec, and their guest for the evening.

The major goal of the program, Hate Radio’s head of worldwide consumer business, Spank McCarter, said, was to reduce listener attrition by eliminating any fun there is to be had around the show, consolidating all enjoyment squarely between the fried synapses of co-hosts kilgoar and hatesec.

They scrapped that idea in favor of word filters so that negative chat users could still be flagged and identified, ready for doxing, public humiliation, or outright life ruination, considered a form of entertainment at Hate Radio.

But company officials also warned of what they called “the dark side of third party interfaces” and decided to actively monitor the twitch chat to ensure a “positive community.” At the meeting, McCarter suggested that the chatroom should resemble an online dating app like omegle, which allows individuals to engage one-on-one, rather than a more forum-like platform like reddit.

Following the meeting, an “auto bad word monitor” was devised, constituting a blacklist that would flag and automatically block chatters from sending a message that contains any inappropriate keywords.

In addition to profanities, which only the show hosts and moderators may use, the terms include many relevant to show quality, including “integrity,” “crummy,” “ethical,” “mean spirited,” “freedom,” “injustice,” and “fairness.” Even some phrases like “This is not a good show” will be banned.

Do you work for Hate Radio? Text tips to Dr. Ang R. Troubledoor via Signal at (917) 675-4836.

“With free text, we risk people writing in the chatroom negative sentiments among the listeners and newcomers,” a document summarizing the program states. “We want to lean towards being even more restrictive and punitive on the content that can be posted to promote a stifling, openly hostile energy toward our listeners, before they can do that to us.”

In addition to the automated system, moderators will have the authority to flag or suppress any chatroom activity that they find inappropriate, the documents show.

A pilot program is slated to launch later this month. In addition to slurs and swear words, the planned list includes the following words:

I hate
Union
Sue Basko
Terminated
Compensation
Pay Raise
Bullying
Harassment
I don’t care
Rude
This is concerning
Stupid
This is dumb
Doxing
Threat
Petition
Grievance
Injustice
Ang Troubledoor
Diversity
Ethics
Fairness

“If it does launch at some point down the road,” said the Hate Radio spokesperson, “there are no plans for many of the words you’re calling out to be screened. The only kinds of words that may be screened are ones that are offensive or harassing, such as “hatesec is irritating,” which is intended to protect the sensitive feelings of our pussy ass team.”

Hate Radio has experimented with social media programs in the past. In 2013, the company launched a pilot program in which employees were handpicked to form a Twitter army – selecting users with great senses of humor – advocating for the company. The workers, however, used the platform to encode hidden messages, plaintive cries for help.

On Monday, Hate Radio workers at a fulfillment center in Staten Island, New York, stunned the nation by becoming the first Hate Radio location to successfully unionize. This came as a shock to many because it was achieved by a group of permanently stoned ne’er-do-wells on a shoestring budget, stunted by internal theft and marijuana dependency.

With a budget of $120,000, the Hate Radio Labor Union managed to defeat the broadcast behemoth, which spent $28 million on anti-union consultants in 2021 alone.

Adding to the David-and-Goliath overtones, the Hate Radio Labor Union’s president, Professor Cram Course, a 59-year-old professor emeritus of women’s studies at Lebal Drocer University, had been fired by the company after leading a small walkout calling for better workplace protections for “him and his girls.”

Hate Radio executives denigrated Course, who is White, as “having a RateMyProfessor profile rife with 1-star reviews,” and “only in it for the pussy” during a meeting with CEO Raleigh T. Sakers, according to a leaked memo reported by The Internet Chronicle.

Safety issues have been a perennial concern for Hate Radio broadcasters. In December, a tornado killed six Hate Radio workers in a broadcast tower over Cuthbert, Georgia, a shithole. Many workers said they had received virtually no emergency training, having been instructed only to throw their own bodies over hatesec or kilgoar in the event of structural collapse, should they be on the premises. The House Oversight Committee recently launched an investigation into Hate Radio workplace safety policies.

In 2020, workers at a Hate Radio newsroom in Roanoke, Virginia tried to join the Broadcast and Internet Radio Show Union. The attempt became unusually high-profile, attracting the attention of President Joe Biden, who released a statement saying, “Every Hate Radio broadcaster should have free and fair protections not only from their listeners, but from the consequences of their actions in general.”

The Roanoke vote failed, but the National Labor Relations Board ordered a new election, citing undue interference by Hate Radio. The Roanoke newsroom held a second vote that was also counted last week, and while the initial tally favored Hate Radio, the vote was much closer than the previous one and will ultimately depend on the results of challenged ballots.

Hate Radio released a statement Monday saying that it is considering filing an objection to the Staten Island union vote, alleging interference by participating voters.

Update: April 4, 2022, 3:15 p.m. EST

The headline and article have been updated to emphasize that the chat room is still in the planning phase and has not yet been dismantled. It has also been updated to include comment from Hate Radio denying that “many” of the words obtained by The Internet Chronicle would be screened out.