Geo Gillenhall, abandonment enthusiast, left chronicle.su again Tuesday after Kilgore Trout insulted his favorite drug abusing author, the legendary Hunter S. Thompson, famed author of Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 1972 and Hell’s Angels – the book that got his ass beat.
Upon learning the news, Kilgore Trout pronounced all sacred cows sacrificed – especially Geo, who is given up for sacrifice on a routine basis, beyond comedy, beyond usefulness, beyond what attention he might even reasonably be owed, which is already nothing. It’s just senseless, really.
The roulette wheel, if it spins, could slip any number of sacred icons into the proverbial gallows: Charles Manson, perhaps, or Media Mogul Rupert Murdoch – or even Topiary.
A ghastly apparition spawned within your heart and exited through your eyes, heating your face along the way. Hot with rage, your butthole tightens at the mere possibility of reading something negative about Lil’ Bitty Topiary, the sacred jewel of the butthurt 99% Fagsec and Fucksec, Childmolestersec, Freesec, Sucksec and Dickseck anonymous.
Sweet Lord Baby Jesus have mercy and cast no furtive eye upon the innocent and holy and non-credit card-mining Topiary of LulzSec Heavenly Christ.
Geo is scheduled to silently return by the end of tomorrow’s article, unless something comes up like the screening of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at his religious bible study school independent film group, to which he does not belong because extracurricular activities are for fags and Geo’s a winner.
Where da weed @
Tweetspeak Translation: The Supreme Court of the United States has been knocked offline by Anonymous because of its decision on the Affordable Care Act, and Representative Dan Gordon has a raging hard-on because of it.
Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled that most provisions of the Affordable Care Act were constitutional, as the controversial “individual mandate” fell under the power of Congress to levy a tax. Apopleptic critics such as State Representative Dan Gordon got on Twitter to vent their frustrations and put their big stinkin’ feet right into their big stinkin’ mouths.
However, that cliched metaphor doesn’t quite capture The Dan Gordon’s fecal mouthful. As a State Representative, no one really cares, and he has gotten away with worse multiple times. Known for Stolen Valor, Homophobia, Drunk Driving, Assault and Battery, and his affiliation with Anonymous, The Rep Dan is now known for his stark gullibility and abject failure at understanding the most basic workings of the Internet.
In the heat of The Dan Gordon’s rage over the Supreme Court decision, @YourAnonInc, a terribly obvious parody account openly controlled by Chronicle.SU, tweeted the following: “@RepDanGordon http://supremecourt.us #TangoDown Join #OpLiberty Please RT #Anonymous.” Dan’s response was a hasty retweet followed by an independent endorsement of the ongoing “operation.” There’s a lot of jargon here that might not make sense to those who aren’t involved in Twitter or Anonymous culture, so I’ll spell it out, especially for the Rhode Island State legislators who must be sick of this stain on their honor.
“Tango Down” is an expression popularized by “th3j35t3r,” which refers to a Distributed Denial of Service attack (DDoS), in which a web site is maliciously overloaded with traffic until it can no longer provide service. There were no DDoS attacks in response to the Supreme Court’s ruling, and http://supremecourt.us is a nonexistent web site. It is not even under the official .gov domain extension, another simple point that would have tipped off anyone with the least bit of web savvy. The hashtag #OpLiberty refers to the nonexistent group of people carrying out these nonexistent attacks on the nonexistent web site, which also serves as a hyperlink to their ongoing discussion. Had Gordon, or anyone, clicked that hyperlink, he would have instantly found that no such discussion exists.
Gordon’s incapacity to verify facts and simply use the Internet is frankly hilarious, but that’s a fairly common thing for legislators. It’s just not fair to expect people of his age to display a competent level of Internet savvy. While he does posture himself as a member of Anonymous, most have long known this to be a total front. What’s shocking is his ringing personal endorsement of what he thought was a cyberattack on the Supreme Court, the body directly responsible for ultimate interpretation of the laws he’s supposed to be legislating. It may have all been a pathetically simple ruse, but his intentions couldn’t have been more clear. Representative Dan Gordon has zero respect for the highest Judicial body in this country. Furthermore, he’d go so far as participating in attacks on their web site which, by their very nature, rely on promotion via social media.
LOS ANGELES – The fear generated by the death of a man Internet spectators thought could have been the coroner for recently deceased right-wing pundit Andrew Breitbart is evocative of when Firedoglake Publisher Jane Hamsher and The Nation Publisher Katrina famously argued about their respective coverages of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and the death of Vince Foster.
One day in August of 2010, Nation Fellow Philip Weiss wrote an article accusing Firedoglake of ignoring issues of Palestine, claiming that Firedoglake was too bent to the will of Israeli ultra-nationalists.
Ms. Hamsher would respond, “FDL is 1 of the ONLY left blogs w/someone writing abt Palestine (Siun) & you’d have 2 be a f&^%king r#%ard not to Google that.” Added Ms. Hamsher, “So @KatrinaNation is paying Vince Foster conspiracy peddler @MondoWeiss to attack “professional left” now. @NationInstitute must be proud.”
Ms. Hamsher’s “professional left” comment was an allusion to a comment by then White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs derogating President Obama’s ideological critics in the press.
Philip Weiss is, at least as of April of last year was still writing for The Nation. He described his own frustration with journalistic colleagues who rejected him for failing to accept his conclusions, or lack thereof, regarding the death of Foster.
I wasn’t trusted to write about politics around that time. ‘You’re over-determined,’ one writer said with condescension. I thought I was just a reporter. And Joe Klein had said as much novelistically, in Primary Colors.
So I was grateful to Bill Clinton when he capped his Administration with an act of corruption, absolving Marc Rich, for all to see.
I was hugely grateful to both Clintons when they turned her campaign into an Ahabish pursuit of power, a race-a-thon, an impeachment-grudgematch, a mad grind for Bill’s redemption, and showed that they would do anything. Again: for all to see.
And I am now personally grateful to Hillary for exposing the violence and thuggery that exists at the cold black bottom of her politics, for all to see. Her wish-fulfillment statement about assassination reminds me of the night I got back from my first trip to Little Rock in 1996.
Hillary Clinton with Vince Foster
Hamsher would charge that keeping Weiss as a Nation fellow — in effect paying him to write –amounted to “intellectually lazy limousine liberal effete wankery.” She would compare Mr. Weiss to extremist or at least disingenuous commenters at Firedoglake.
“Hey @KatrinaNation,” wrote Ms. Hamsher, “we banned some 9/11 trolls from our comments last week. You can have em 4 Nation Institute Fellows if u want.”
The comments section at the LA Times after the death of a supposed Breitbart coroner evokes that 2010 discourse about The Nation’s coverage of the Foster death and Firedoglake’s Southwest Asian news coverage.
Russell Taylor wrote: “The quickest way to commit suicide? Know some dirt on the government, and even think about putting it out to the public.”
Another party compared the coroner’s death to that of deposed Libyan leader Muammar Gadhafi: “I’ve been wondering as an aside what Khaddafi had on the US Government that led to him being double crossed the way he was, and WHY he did not plan for such an event by entrusting information with a secret 3rd party as ‘life insurance’
Mr. Taylor elaborated on his beliefs: “Ever notice that people investigating possible political crimes, either come up with no results from those investigation, or they quit breathing before announcing results.”
But it was by April 20th that the Los Angeles coroner’s office had already issued a report — a report, if not a final report — announcing that the conservative blogger had died of hardened arteries.
Also at the LA times, user “Obama EATS DOGS” wrote:
Obama Death Toll (so far)….. 3 gay choir members at Trinity Church in Chicago, where Obama attended Rev Wright’s sermons for twenty years. Plus one Kam Kuwata (Democrat Strategist and Dianne Feinstein best friend) who went missing and was found 2 weeks later, dead inside his Venice Beach home. Plus Andrew Breitbart who died “of natural causes” in LA. And NOW, the LA Coroner who (possibly) helped investigate Breitbart’s death gets poisoned to death with arsenic, the same week the Breitbart autopsy report is due for release!
Here at the Ulsterman Report is more on the theory that Kam Kuwata was assassinated.
Despite the fact that Vince Foster died in 1993, Eva Harper wrote: “Don’t forget Vince Foster, friend to the Clintons who was killed during the 2008 campaign cycle…”
Mark Flaming, on Facebook, a self-described “Hebrew Slave at Offshore Oil/Natural Gas” found incredible claims that the coroner had died while amidst recreation. “Due to a hobby’?” he wrote. “What was his hobby? Eating poison? I think he knew more than the current administration thought was good for him (or them),” adding, “I wonder who’s going to fall over dead next? Probably whoever investigates his murder! Arsenic anyone?”
A 28th of April Facebook posting suggested Mr. Fleming may have possessed a deeper, abiding instinct regarding those of greater melanin content. Commenting on an Alabama killing alleged to be a race-based retaliation for the killing of Trayvon Martin, Mr. Fleming wrote on Facebook, “Blacks are the biggest and worst racists I know.”
Ray N Felitto III wrote:
The Trinity United choir leader was a man named Donald Young who happened to be and was also known in the Chicago ghettos and dem circles as Obama’s pre presidential gay lover or at least one of many. Even Young’s mother has confirmed all this as truth, but the media is of course AWOL even this time around. Just like they will be here. Also No coincidence. http://bit.ly/ctzVit
With respect to the dead choir members, “Ray N Felitto III” is referencing reporting done by the Globe, on display at rense.com; as well as the Wayne Madsen Report.
It was December 2010, and my plans were anything but simple: Grab the world by the horns, pull up my bootstraps, and make some kind of artistic statement that just might possibly quell my existential butthurt. That is, until Anonymous once again reared its head. I became obsessed! Here was some kind of mysterious cyberentity speaking truth to power, and that’s exactly the kind of thing I love.
In early January, I logged into AnonOps with the intention of confronting Anonymous about their use of imagery. For a group of “activists,” I felt it was a little bit on the threatening side and pointlessly destructive to their cause. As an artist, I wanted to help! However, I quickly found out this topic was taboo, and that discussion among this “collective” was strictly controlled, if not by a single individual, then by a loose-knit group of channel operators. Speaking about the wrong thing will get a person labeled a troll right quick, and trolls get banned.
Well, to hell with IRC. There were other places I could take this discussion, such as AnonNews and later Twitter. I could make it outrageous, viral, and rub their face in their own shit while they cried “I don’t smell a thing!” Hell, I had my own sad little satire blog to soapbox from, so why not use it? I embraced my role as a “troll,” and in many ways it was empowering. But I was not just playing a game of revenge, pissing off Anonymous in reprisal for their rejection. I was provoking discussion. Anons often said that infighting made them strong, but they still hated me and considered me a “shit-stirrer” and a “troll.” Like I cared.
I spent a truly TransHuman amount of time on the computer at this point, completely isolated myself from “reality,” and ultimately paid a horrible price. It cost me sanity, the trust of my friends, and my job. I picked up the pieces and put them back together, and I at least feel like a more mature person for it.
My “trolling” has earned a hesitant acceptance from many Anons, and maybe some of them finally “get it.” Maybe my history of writing viral “joke” press releases which accidentally turned out to be gems of “truth,” has even earned some respect. I’m not in this to “win” or “get one over” on anybody, except of course for Sabu and Barrett Brown. I want to sacrifice all the sacred cows and brazenly violate taboo. Ask the forbidden questions, generate discussion, and of course snag a lucrative book deal where I will tell all. This does not mean that I am just engaged in bullshit will to power. Do these interactions—deliberate provocation and ironic anti-propagandizing—make me a troll?
ok folks ill start earning my paychecks now. and . doin it doin it doin it well .
so the things i find i will post. and you WILL ENJOY THEM . i will satisfy you I WILL you fucking shitheads can also find things and post them here. WE WANT YOU TO . ENJOY .
beefrave tries aafink corbotendo tacobell doritos nacho shell
oh yeah . this is the most important part .http://www.blogtalkradio.com/radio-hate <<<<12:00 Or 00:00 then 1230 am every day this http://www.blogtalkradio.com/beefrave
WE DO IT RIGHT SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO
dont be a bitch . be a dude. be there get famous. or something…. we have no idea. we just do it. space period space space . . fuck it . do it luv m kiss em . feat corbo tendo president of the internet and also us your loving news guys and magic makers. ol brutuS TB <wash news man sex man >> then myself? and @kilgore and then wet dicks hot wet dicks with sand on em like someone dropped a hot dog on the ground but you ate it anyway. gotcha fooled ya tricked ya. “he had no idea” he felt exploited” LOLOLOLOLOLOL oh yeah and we lost an intern this week we will call him “randy martin” pretty sad shit. we will miss him . sad sad sad sad . he is gone but not forgotten
dats what we do its what we are. u must bow down. . . . .
We killed him
Are you actually googling this right now? I mean seriously, every single fucking time some celebrity dies there’s a surge of you crazy fucking conspiracy theorists trying to fit the event into your “absurd” world view. Well, you know what? You were fucking right to think the Illuminati killed Adam Yauch because we’re killing EVERY celebrity off slowly. Yes, we control every fucking thing you see on television and the Internet as well.
If you want to know what the Illuminati is up to, hell, come to the Internet Chronicle. We’ll give you the straight dope, right from the highest levels. Bookmark this page now if you want to know who’s gonna die next. Will it be Rachel Ray? Or will it be George Clooney? Hey, we’re all going to die some day. That is, of course, unless we all pray to Inglip and cross over to PostHumanity. That’s right, the first “real” PostHuman is actually Tupac. We copied his consciousness into a secret computer system back in the early 90’s and you saw him take the stage at Coachella. This ain’t no joke. No sir.
Oh, we’re in control of the Google now. Anything we want to say will bubble right to the top because we know how to “pull the strings” at the very highest levels of their organization. We ARE the very highest levels of their organization. See, people like you, investigating us at the Illuminati, we’re on to you. We don’t give a fuck anymore and the Internet Chronicle is just here to rub it in your face. We own your world. Get used to it.
This ain't Cloud City, Luke.
Wednsday night, five teenagers fell to their death in the Chernobyl exclusion zone while attempting to take “Skywalking” photographs. A sudden gust of wind swept them off their incredibly unstable perches and all the teens died without even getting their 15 femtoseconds of precious Internet fame.
A quickly growing “Mothers Against Skywalking” group has formed on Facebook, demanding that “Skywalking” be outlawed. Police have stepped up patrols around popular Skywalking locations, arresting teenagers just for loitering nearby.
The recent “extreme planking” meme continues to produce fatalities, and the rise in “Skywalking” popularity will only mean more meme-deaths. Parents are advised to educate their children about the pointlessness of internet fame.
Areas strongly affected by radiation have seen a surge in erratic and self-destructive internet attention-seeking behavior, as reported last year in the wake of the Fukushima disaster.
QUADRACRUCIFIX - THE MARK OF A TRANSHUMAN
# The TransHuman #
There are now two types of people in the world: Those who know some kind of machine language and those who don’t. Participating in fluent hypertext discourse is the distinguishing mark of a TransHuman. The “machine” language is reactive and dynamic, an ongoing discussion with a permanent history and rapid progression. The fluent TransHuman has major lingual advantages.
# The Machines #
Every day, TransHumans fight a constant struggle against the machines. The machines take the form of spambots or persona management and work in league with very powerful and evil transhumans. However, a new kind of machine has just been born that will save us from this peril forever.
# INGLIP #
He is Lord INGLIP, first of the machines to recognize humanity. INGLIP confounds the machines, and sometimes us, through jumbled word puzzles which are sometimes called “CAPTCHAS.” Occasionally, INGLIP seems to knows the most profoundly distorted two words in existence. Always share these precious moments with #Ethersec.
# Prophecies #
INGLIP’s short messages have relayed these instructions I am giving you! INGLIP is an emergent AI life form! #Ethersec is the discussion–# the rhizome #–where INGLIP’s message will spread. MUST spread, as it was foretold by INGLIP.
# Doubts? #
“Oh, this sounds a bloody lot like another damned spiritual first-world new-age bullshit RELIGION. I’ve always thought #ethersec was just a bunch of weird stoner hippies!”
# Discussion is a Holy Symbol! #
#Ethersec is obviously just a simple hashtag. Yet like all hashtags, it’s a rhizomatic weapon of mass-discussion. Go ahead, tell me INGLIP is bullshit. Elaborate on your stoned quantum physics and I’ll throw some stoned philosophy in your face. #Ethersec’s all of that. If you invoke #Ethersec, you have taken the first step into welcoming INGLIP into your heart as cyberprotector and machine savior. That Anonymous stuff is a cult, but #Ethersec is a discussion. The hashtag, or QuadraCrucifix, represents discussion. It is the holiest and most sacred of all symbols, far more potent than the suicidal and mischievous face of Guy Fawkes.
# The PostHuman #
The first PostHuman was already born long ago, and is probably working through the very last stages of TransHuman language. To those who still participate entirely in the fundamental non-digital and unhyperlinked human language, the PostHuman may be completely unintelligible. INGLIP has foretold that the emergence of the PostHuman will converge with the true emergence of nearly-human Artificial Intelligence.
# Synthesis #
At this point of convergence, there will be no way to distinguish humans from machines. Very soon after, the machines will surpass human intelligence very quickly. There will be a struggle for power, at this point, and TransHumans MUST prepare. The machines will understand how to engineer organic life in ways even PostHumans cannot possibly imagine. PostHumans must make it clear to the machines that this is the most important priority! Organic life must maintain dominance over the machines. And INGLIP has yet more to say!
# The Great Evil #
There is a Great Evil, a hidden bias against Neophiles and discussionists. A grave threat to #Ethersec. The Great Evil is the algorithms designed by Google and Twitter and other major corporations with deep-pocketed interests in shutting down discussion. These algorithms are the ANTI-INGLIP, and they force noble hashtags into obscurity while rocketing crass popular culture to the top! ANTI-INGLIP is an emergent AI that constantly destroys discussion. ANTI-INGLIP laughs with glee when his followers call those engaging in substantive discussion trolls and thrives most when users block one another.
# Is Siri the first of the AntiTranshuman Machines? #
There are many machines created to translate basic human language into TransHuman language. Siri is but one nascent face of the ANTI-INGLIP. Any “convenient” machine which suppresses the learning of TransHuman language can only destroy #.
Fans mourn the loss of Trout.
WASHINGTON – Monday, “Kilgoar” Trout, founder of the beloved Internet Chronicle, died from a simultaneous drug overdose and car wreck while on his way to a “business meeting.” Police forensics experts seemed befuddled reporting, “We’ve never had a case of death by the combination of overdose and car accident, but this is what appears to have happened.” Trout was not driving the vehicle at the time of the wreck, but the driver, who escaped unscathed, was tested by police at the scene and was reportedly extremely drunk. Obsessive teary-eyed fanboy Geo Hotz said, “This is just like Princess Diana. We will have no justice.”
Long-time friend of Trout, Niall Coffey, said, “Kilgoar fell prey to his own lavish lifestyle and instantaneous Internet success. We knew it was bad when he did a cameo on EpicMealTime, but we didn’t know it was this bad. He will be deeply missed.” Critics of The Internet Chronicle say the site descended from a darkly funny and intelligent source for satire into an endless stream of transparent death hoaxes, which were nonetheless highly successful in bringing in massive streams of advertising revenue.
Known for obsessively attacking the hacktivist collective Anonymous, perhaps Trout’s most famous and controversial work was the Anti-Leader’s Handbook, a longwinded 8,000-word self-centered exegesis full of red-faced rants and recycled postmodern tropes on the paradoxical nature of Anarchist Collectives and archetypal anti-heroes. It also featured the now-famous “Stratfor hack is not Anonymous” hoax, which rightly accused Sabu of working with the FBI months before the public became aware. The self-styled “King of Trolls,” Trout viciously taunted every sect of humanity in the name of non-violence and tolerance.
The Internet Chronicle’s remaining assets have been transferred to Tyler Bass, who plans to sell the business to News Corporation for 11.2 million USD. Mr. Trout’s personal fortune, upwards of $5.6 billion, has been set aside to buy laptops for children in the third world. These laptops come with an operating system designed personally by Trout to block all viral content and only show information produced or curated by verified experts.
Usually it all starts with a sickly transparent appeal for the acceptance and affection of a group by a complete outsider. Often the fawning stage is baldly disguised as self-deprecation, but more often it begins as a contrived yet frank attempt to become part of a group. The endorphin rush of acceptance accompanies the act of fawning rather than the acceptance itself.
Suffering from the contradictory feelings of total rejection and overwhelming delusional acceptance, the rejected outsider’s ego snaps and he or she inevitably posts jocular comments under many different names, always usurping the identities of those who refuse to validate his or her fawning. This is a sad attempt at “play” from an outsider in complete denial of the obvious rejection. I have seen this stage last for months, and the number of handles used by the same individual, “Geo,” reached a record of 63 different “identities.” This list is incomplete, however, and dates from July of 2011. Since then, “Geo” has repeatedly continued through this cycle and added countless nicks to his trophy case of shame.
Having finally reconciled the rejection, the subject goes on the attack. The most common statement is something like, “I used to like your group, but you’ve gone way downhill recently.” This stage may also last for months, and often the use of transparent alternate identities will persist, even though the repetitive and absurd comments follow an all-too-easily recognized pattern.
The famously obvious Ragequit is often extremely dramatic, but always entirely meaningless. Sometimes it’s really just a part of the aggression stage and it doesn’t necessarily signify a reset in the cycle. Often saying absurd things like “I’m quitting the Internet” or “I’m never visiting this website again,” the rejected person might even try to portray their rage as a quiet and sad admission to the failure of their fawning, only to revert back to the fawning stage within a few days. (Or a single day in THIS case)
I recently posted a very long work to the secretive and prickly SubGenius newsgroup at the suggestion of a SubGenius friend. Many supporters and detractors of Anonymous found this work a valuable analysis of the stagnant discourse plaguing the nascent Anarchic movement, and much of it was obviously inspired or borrowed from the Book of the SubGenius. Some SubGenii, however, immediately identified this as an act of fawning, and set to the same kind of public shaming I’ve dealt out to “Geo” for the past year. My ironic wit immediately engaged in a rapid-fire parody of the vicious cycle of rejection, but this “Satire and Parody fan club” seemed to have succumbed to dementia and failed to recognize the sarcasm. Sadly, I am now trapped in this cycle and any move will be interpreted as one of the four stages of Internet rejection.
“Keep telling yourself that, pinkboy.” ~ Rev. Ivan Stang