Dr. Troubadour’s Tips for a safe, healthy 9/11 Remembrance

Sup dudes! After this year’s underwhelming 9/11 memorial (Presidents crying in a field), the kind men in charge of Internet Chronicle asked me to write this short, easy-to-understand 9/11 remembrance for dummies. Spice up your next 9/11 with a television-based diamond-encrusted, double platinum freakout, using my simple tips. Forged in a furnace of Internet Memes, the next 9/11 memorial will be even more Never Forgetty than the last.

[Editor’s Note – shop talk edition: The entertainment braintrust at Lebal Drocer reflected and realized: We simply  don’t take enough time here at the Chronicle to remember 9/11, which makes us hypocrites after swearing we’d Never Forget. This is strictly unforgivable.]

Today we are Anonymous: We do not forget. We do not forgive.

9/11 — Never Forgive

promo

In the course of remembrance, you might experience mystic events. This feeling of intense nationalism produces a sudden euphoria. This is not normal. This means you are a chosen patriot made up of pure, impulses. Take the world from darkness into light with Dr. Troubadour’s tips for a healthy 9/11 memorial.

walking through body scanners doses you with gene altering radiation and fights terror! Freedom isn’t free. We once nuked the land of our enemies. Now we irradiate our own people with machines.

Tip 1

dr troubadourDr. T says

If you want to wage a war on terror, you’ll have to fight a few battles with cancer.

Tip 2

Act like you don’t know what 9/11 is. This will endear you to your fellow citizens. Ask sincerely what 9/11 means. You’ve never heard of it.

Tip 3

Never forget. If you’re a real patriot, like us here at Chronicle, 9/11 is every day. September 11th is every fucking day. I wake up and say a prayer to the victims. And there’s certain stuff I won’t laugh at before 10 a.m. Just because today isn’t 9/11 – it’s not even September – doesn’t mean our hearts don’t go out to the victims of that terrible tragedy. It would be absurd to think otherwise.

Just the thought of it sends me into frenzies wherein I foam at the mouth and curse whatever God cast the dice of our very existence. Maybe I’m taking it too far. That’s just what 9/11 means to me.

This article is part 1 in an October series entitled Why Now? An Internet Chronicle introspective series in which we undermine and discredit sacred things for no purpose at all. Just shitting on you and stuff.

15 Replies to “Dr. Troubadour’s Tips for a safe, healthy 9/11 Remembrance”

  1. JT
    @JohnTiessen
    2h
    Replying to @hatesec @NBC12 and 2 others
    Your are both little rat finks snitches! chronicle dot su is run by snitches cry babies rats… pic.twitter.com/PP8rTUQ8J7

    Look you dumb ass snitchjacketing mouthrapin goof, TITS OR GTFO. In others words proof or I’ll make it our cabals mission in life you that you truly live the traditional life, outdoors with no running water, sleeping in the bush since you like to brag how Nish you are sweetie, you douche canoeing wackleaks supporter retard. Creator help us all, even bb the girlfriend beaten-cousin rapin asswipe doesnt even support those idiots anymore either. Come play fuckwad. What we’ll do will be child’s play compared to what the jestertards did when they took your wife, kid and job away. Internutz have a long memory sweetie, we mean stuipid bitch.

    1. We here in the motherland just kill rapists whether they raep dat pussy or mouth. And you don’ t want to know what we do to the pedobears like him. He mouth raped a relative that was only 17 at the time & over a cocaine fuelled debt rage by another relative.

        1. John Teissen’s life is a 9-11 Groundhog Day.

          ‘Dustin Hoffman is a great man,” Murray said on Wednesday night at Manhattan’s 92nd Street Y. “He’s crazy, a ‘Borscht Belt’ flirt, has been his whole life. [But] he’s a really sweet man.”’

          1. again one of kennys soliloquys.
            assange, appelbaum, brown and so on. the agency always stage the same bs, catering to their brain dead, puritan audience. now, after pussy gabbing donny, teeny raping roy, beer loving brett and the whole shit blew up in their face, there is maybe a change of tactics necessary to keep a shred of credibility. cause the editors share not only the president’s physical deformations, but also his feeble mind, so there is no change in sight. for shame!

            1. *pour gasoline on the mouthrapin’ coked out pedobear, lights a whole pack of match, throws them on Johnny T walks away and smile$ at the smoke signals he makes.

            1. no sir, i wouldnt touch donny and the poor boys with a ten foot pole. and hate groups, i hate them so much, makes me wanna punch their muffs.

              1. Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. … Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. … All the animals come out at night – whores, bald pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal.

  2. let me get dat straight ya all hate ya old butt-buddy tiessen cause he “mouth raped” a relative that was only 17 at the time & over a cocaine fuelled debt rage by another relative. that sounds like a chillaxed saturday afternoon in appalachia to me.
    i like his goatman vids. like the one in which he fondles a wog (cerealy, no racist slur. literally a household item). hilarious

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