Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford ‘alive and well’ at 46

TORONTO – The infamous former mayor of Toronto, accused of stealing public money to fuel his own crack cocaine addiction, was pronounced ‘alive and healthy’ Sunday by Jeremy Lions, the Ford family doctor, who added, “But I don’t see what the big deal is. Why, did something happen?”

On the front lawn of his home in the suburbs, Ford told supporters, “I appreciate your concern, but don’t act like you care now.”

He paused and looked around at the audience of eager reporters and gawking onlookers. “As long as we’re talking about concerns,” he said, “as far as I’m concerned, you can all go fuck yourselves right here on the street. That’s my position on this matter.”

The Internet exploded into a ticker tape parade for the disgraced leader who, by some prankster trickery, was feared dead. The “Ontario Trump” as he’s called, is a celebrated figure among redditors, who will upvote anything that intensifies the reverberations of their Silicon Valley of Death worshiping echo chamber.

3 Replies to “Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford ‘alive and well’ at 46”

  1. Creepy that mom & I shared the same cheek bone structure. First time you showed a picture of her with long hair. This past weekend was the 1st anniversary of one my best friends dying (misuse & abuse of prescripted pain pills) in front of her 10 year old kid. Saw the kid last week. Funny how more resilient kids are about whole death of parent thing. Adults more often than not have survivors guilt. Not bitter, never ever will I become bitter even after a 100 plus deaths in my short life time; just something like a deep never ending well of sadness that ebbs and flows, and sometimes there is just nothing left not even tears, anger or pain BUT just dark humour & laughter.
    “Life Does Not Cease to be Funny When People Die Any More than it Ceases to be Serious When People Laugh.” ~George Bernard Shaw~

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