Lebal Drocer cuts funding to Charlie Hebdo

Charlie Hebdo maniacs are busy investigating their own assholes as they've advised all terrorists to do before car bombings.
Charlie Hebdo maniacs are busy investigating their own assholes as they’ve advised all terrorists to do before car bombings.

INTERNET — We’ve always loved Charlie Hebdo. But now we hate them. They have taken things exactly one half-comprehending social media outrage explosion too far. That’s why Lebal Drocer, Inc. is dropping out of financing the Charlie Hebdo comic book. We never read it anyway.

When Molly Crabapple turned on them this afternoon after painting loving memorial of the dead splattered in blood, we knew they were bad. Real bad. She, like, speaks Arabic and should know. You don’t just memorialize heroes and then hate them at the first sign of pitchforks unless they’ve fucked up. So far we aren’t sure what they’ve done, but they’ve done it. It’s not the essay, probably, but an offensive choice of a certain metaphor having to do with an iceberg. But we are smart enough to take it all in as a whole as well as divided into its most virally offensive constituents. At Lebal Drocer there are many truths. On the one hand, Charlie Hebdo fiends are calling all Muslims terrorists and rapers just to piss on people with less power than they have. On the other hand, they are incisive satirists who depict and investigate the culture of hate that suffuses the world. How can they be so racist and anti-racist at the same time? A panel of experts are here to weigh in.

 

Sexpert Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador shared his analysis, saying, “We used to think this kind of ruthless self anal examination had some health and ideology benefits that prevented terrorism, but from the data we now know it was the biggest factor contributing to the terror attack. It is known that the Hebdo cartoonists were shot to death while fisting one another and examining the extra taboo of busting onto Muhammed’s depiction. And now they’re telling Muslims and orientalist liberal ninnies to join in on the blood and cum bath of their brand of self-examination? Lebal Drocer did the right thing, in my opinion.”

ISIS spokesperson Aladdin Ramadan said, “When we shot Charlie Hebdo to death I didn’t think it was their fault. We just knew it was Allah’s will. Now I have read the editorial and I know I will have a lot of second thoughts during my next suicide bombing. But I won’t think too hard because ISIS newspapers showed us the cumstains on their jeans, anal gapes, the manic grins of ecstasy locked onto their dead faces with rigor mortis. Like they died from their own trolling, not from our warriors. As for Lebal Drocer, it won’t bother me too much as long as they keep paying my way. I support their decisions.”

PR frontwoman for the shadowy Lebal Drocer regime, Dr. Danka Painface, said, “The Lebal Drocer board of executives fabricated everything, using drones and robotics to fool the press everywhere into jacking up some anti-Muslim mania. Win-win. Cultivating the hell out of this outrage just to mix things up and fire a few bad apples was the best move in decades. Go ahead and report it all, see who cares. Hell we’re riddled with leakers and it doesn’t make a damn difference.”

Lebal Drocer’s in-house press elite, famed chronicle.su reporter Frank F. Mason and former czar of Severnaya said, “I’ve been on this beat for ten years. I can even read French. It’s the damn truth. All of it.”

28 Replies to “Lebal Drocer cuts funding to Charlie Hebdo”

  1. I want a pet drone for my first birthday **pokes the corpse of Frank ‘Eazy E’ Mason** And that was some pretty good writin’ there fishbeardfag. You sure u didn’t let Wayne write that under your digital pen name since you seem to suck at it lately.

  2. Being tortured with a George Michael’s 80’s song in retail hell right now. Ugh canned FM radio. It’s my punishment for making too much money in my 20’s & 30’s. brb stabbing something or someone.

  3. ‘Now I’m not saying the Russians an Co. are innocent – just that someone in the US needs a huge story to break to cover over something else or perhaps it is just that they are really unhappy with Puttin.’

  4. “Jaw dropping, awe inspiring, and not afraid to shock, Crabapple is a punk Joan Didion, a young Patti Smith with paint on her hands, a twenty-first century Sylvia Plath. There’s no one else like her; prepare to be blown away by both the words and pictures.” :::BRB sticking head in oven:::

  5. Inmates at up to five Texas prisons pledged to refuse to leave their cells today. The strike’s organizers remain anonymous but have circulated fliers listing a series of grievances and demands, and a letter articulating the reasons for the strike. The Texas strikers’ demands range from the specific, such as a “good-time” credit toward sentence reduction and an end to $100 medical co-pays, to the systemic, namely a drastic downsizing of the state’s incarcerated population.

    “Texas’s prisoners are the slaves of today, and that slavery affects our society economically, morally and politically,” reads the five-page letter announcing the strike. “Beginning on April 4, 2016, all inmates around Texas will stop all labor in order to get the attention from politicians and Texas’s community alike.”
    #opPrisonBreak

  6. Okay fishfag since you’really going down whole conspiracy theory rabbitt hole on 9-11 go listen to the blog talk radio podcast on Canadian Glen’s show where he interviews researcher Amy MacPherson on the Mormon Mafia http://www.blogtalkradio.com/canadianglen/2016/01/28/latter-day-saints-aka-the-mormon-mafia-exposed-with-amy-macpherson
    Amy states that more investigation needs to be done with their business dealings and their possible connections to World Trade Center. The Saudis maybe the outward pasties and foreign funders but I am willing to bet the Mormon Incorporate has some form of involvement the US funding of what took place. It’s worth a look.

    1. im impressed! (btw did ya know that kenny got aids fom his cat? cerially! just read it on the internet. or sommting like that)

      1. Actually supposedly Prince got the aidz & /ded. BUT he’s dead from the Cat Flu. Heard the good old boys here at Lebal Drocer are responsible for the latest round of human testing of bio-weapon Cat Flu.

  7. ‘ape fiend – ‏@Kilgoar
    We are all Lowercase Anonymous @hatesec’
    Niggas plz, y’all just a bunch of lowercase assholes.

  8. Best hotdoc so far League of Exotic Dancers. 7 more to go. 3 out of 10 so far. First one was shorts, it sucked, only reason it did not total suck was decent cinematography. Mellie Mel (The Message) was dope in the hip hop doc .. he was there in person speaking after film. I haz video =b

  9. @chroniclesu ddos’d by Joe Rogan and the Jester. Is Joe Rogan Jester? Chances are, yes
    Just nope … besides I wanna read a story about scifi sexworkers would double as sp00kz that mind and tencile raep dictators. So what functions do future drones play in this thriller that ain’t so vanilla? Are they some kind of mechanical mechanism slave$ that mine bitcoins for their Dark Web mistresses. Oh the profits and prophets.

  10. Actually I am walking and typing .. good thing I am not a blond or still be standing in same spot

    1. ‘Instead of this disqualifying her from a platform, it endears her to publications such as VICE, an imperialist, racialized burlesque show in its own right.”
      Boi ye gooden olde boy$ r in dryspell i c hare

  11. bitter.jesterscourt.cc/index.php/main/public I am t/rollin/indexing thru the boring gerateric part of the webz filled with good old boy who are miserable old men of god and country

  12. People who haven’t sucked a real cock for cash and prize need shut the fuck up especially when they go on about needing to wear high heels and have fake nails and then post pics on twitter for unwarranted self importance. Glass houses my dearest bearded fishfag.

  13. Just like sex work, scrubbing shitty toilets is so misunderstood. Perhaps someone has been inhaling too many commercial cleaning solutions.

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