New America Municipal Internet Provider defies NSA

New America's inhabitants are all inside, on the incredible paranoia-free Internet
New America’s inhabitants are all inside, on the incredible paranoia-free Internet

New America, NM — Citizens in small New Mexico town of New America are taking on both the NSA and corporate data-collectors in a big way with local policies.

New America Mayor Patrick Durndle told the Internet Chronicle, “We’ve adopted our own more patriotic additions to the Bill of Rights for citizens of New America.” Although he admits they do not have any force outside of New American courthouses, he says, “Our municipal internet is implemented with sophisticated cryptography and there’s no fast lane allowed, no mass hoovering of your data. But we believe in the free market! If you want to opt-in and allow marketers to collect your data, you will get a check in the mail.”

New America’s local Bill of Rights states:

  1. Any human beings’ intentional and unintentional creations and metadata are the natural property of that human being and not that of the state or any other enterprise
  2. All human beings are entitled to the right to be forgotten on the Internet
  3. All human beings are entitled to the reasonable expectation of ephemeral privacy, that is, existence outside of coerced eternity in mass data storage.

Democracy Now!, The Real News Network, and other provocative journalism outlets have already put offices and computer servers in New America, applauding its local Bill of Rights on air. Amy Goodman of Democracy Now! told viewers,”The NSA will have real trouble using most of their tools to snoop on our municipal internet, that’s how tight we’ve got the cryptography set up. Our sources can feel extraordinarily safe when communicating with us, and their lives are always on the line. The local Bill of Rights promises to never store or release our personal and professional information without court order and a notification of mass-storage style surveillance.”

Alex Jones, fringe radio anchor, also moved his headquarters to New America and told listeners, “Businesses are flooding into town for the safe internet. Bitcoin bankers, especially, are installing servers in a big way. This is it folks, Bitcoin has a safe zone, a data haven. Freedom has a hold, folks. We’re finally winning. We’ve been looking for this pinhole of light in dark times for decades. I’ve heard that there are these guys, dataheads, hanging around making all their living just by surfing the free local internet. Free Market Free Internet, Rare earth deep earth ionic silver crystals. There’s no need for welfare anymore, it’s all free market. Anyone who doesn’t think New America is the best place for investment opportunities on the entire globe should be killed. That’s how good the economy here is.”

14 Replies to “New America Municipal Internet Provider defies NSA”

      1. the new watkins site. the banter on here is better than any of them crappy forums. watch out jo you think you can shut people up who are expsoing your lies,

    1. I think kilgoar turned them off because you guys are targeting women you don’t like and saying they were involved with Watkins. I am not saying they aren’t, but we don’t tolerate the exposure of personal identities of otherwise private persons, whether they raped a baby or not. It’s not just bad practice; it’s probably libel.

      I turned the comments back on. Don’t do that anymore.

      1. Bobsterjo, Janedoesntcare ,watkinsbitch87 are 3 biatches on Twitter that want to suck Ian Watkins off even if his dick has been up every ass on his tour bus 9which it has!)

  1. Because we’re an annoying bunch of cunts and they kicked our arsed into touch. Have you not noticed what an annoying pestilence of wankers we are?

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