Pope “retires” as Cardinals struggle to hide heresy

The Pope's secret heresy? What does it mean for the future of the Catholic Church?
Are the Cardinals hiding a secret heresy? What does it mean for the future of the Catholic Church?

VATICAN — Pope Benedict XVI has been forced to resign for “health reasons” as rumors of a secret heresy trickle into the media. No Pope has resigned in 500 years, despite countless infirmities, leaving skeptics wondering what has actually happened.

Late last year Pope Benedict signed up for Twitter under the handle @Pontifex in order to preach Catholicism to users of social media. It seems, according to early reports, that the Pope became “massively addicted” to Twitter, obsessively tracking numerous shock humor accounts which appropriated homophobic Nazi imagery. Among these accounts, some sources claim Pope Benedict was especially interested in a parody religion based on a gestalt-intelligence known as Inglip.

While it’s too early to tell whether Pope Benedict’s interest in this new “parody” religion was simply rooted in his affinity for shock humor, most rumors claim that the Pope wanted to dissolve the Catholic church entirely and convert the Vatican into a seat of power for worshipers of Inglip. As the story goes, Cardinals brought in doctors, declared Pope Benedict “senile,” and issued a statement of retirement using his name.

16 Replies to “Pope “retires” as Cardinals struggle to hide heresy”

  1. Lets open the Vatican and share the secrets…Let the world know what these guys are really about. Its time to end this horrific control on the people of this planet. How about they start paying their fair share of the cost of being in America…They call those TAXES.

  2. 120 retweets but only one fuckin comment!?
    Ps- I think the Vatican would make great brothel, oh wait it already is accept for little boys.

  3. I cant believe what a ridiculous article this is, and even worse are the pathetic comments… conspiracy theorists of the world unite!

    The internet says so (millions of people that type instead of think), so it must be true.

  4. I see on your banner are the words “we report, you decide”
    That would be true IF you reported TRUTH on both sides of the coin.
    But, NO, you only report the nonsense that is in your head that YOU call truth – say hello to King Henry for us.

  5. We all know why he resigned, the true story was published 3 weeks ago, when they published Edelweiss Pirates Operation Einstein, it covers his actual involvement in the Hitler Youth and facts tell that he was an actual Nazi party member, plus how he told the whereabouts of a German Jewish family. The Catholic Church tried to stop the publication, they failed, 4 days ago it also went live on Kindle, within 24 hours the pope resigned. They are trying to rush through a new pope before the story goes viral.

  6. Any of the peeps leaving comments who don’t believe there is more to the Pope’s retirement are just kidding themselves. To those individuals I would say…get your head out of your ass! You are probably the same idiots who voted for the jackass who currently occupies MY Whitehouse!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.