Internet “gets real” after murder goes viral

The Internet kills thousands of people each year, including CHILDREN.
The Internet kills thousands of people each year, including CHILDREN.

The Internet was responsible for an estimated 2,460 deaths in 2014: an alarming trend as the number of Internet-related murders triples, doubles, double-triple-double-double-triple-checks each year.

26-year-old Maria Constanelli, who died on New Year’s Eve when a craigslist response went dangerously wrong – so I was wondering how late you’re open to – fell victim to her Facebook stalker during a routine w4m no-strings-attached meetup.

Theresa, her mother, said Maria – who did not want her mother to worry – always told her where she was going to be prior to meeting strange men on the Internet. This time was no different.

“I thought Dugan Nash sounded like a nice boy,” Theresa said. “When she said she was meeting one of them Nash boys, I thought to myself, ‘He sounds right proper.'”

Theresa said Nash, the man Maria was alleged to meet, was known for his R&B single that goes like: Flip. Double flip. Double-triple-flip.

“They do that one song, that’s like, uh, double-flip, double-triple-flip-flip. Triple check. Double flip, triple-triple,” Theresa said. “They do that one song that’s like, uh, triple-double-triple-triple-check.”

While Maria’s whereabouts are still unknown, countless others continue to suffer by the invisible hand of the Internet. Won’t you do something today?

4 Replies to “Internet “gets real” after murder goes viral”

  1. ‘Why are people acting surprised a member of the royal family in England fucked children? This is the exact group we should assume fucks kids.’ So how’s your soon to be childbride Frank? And out of curiosity what were the total profits from 2014 for the chronicle.su subsidiary that engages in human trafficking?

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