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Categories
Health

chronicle.su dangerous to your health: new study

Bieber died on March 7, 2013
Bieber died on March 7, 2013

A PEW RESEARCH study claiming to be from the future demonstrates a burgeoning reality in which the truth is meaningless and the mind is guided only by the myth of raw instinct.

Your mind is under control by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

The American Union was born on May 22, 2015 – a day that will be burned into the milky eyes of all who regard the birth of this new nation with jealousy in their hearts. The time is upon is.

Chronicle.su can no longer be trusted.

This message brought to you graciously by Lebal Drocer, Inc. We will destroy everything you love.

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Categories
World

Germany stopped sharing internet surveillance info with the NSA because both nations use the same spy software

German Chancellor Angela Merkel is under new pressure to choose a sex already.
German Chancellor Angela Merkel is under new pressure to choose a sex already.

BERLIN — Germany’s surveillance agency, the BND, used to spy for the NSA in the the United States. They stopped, however, when news broke they were sharing their communications with USA, which pissed a lot of people off.

“A row” following bad press in the German government seems to have put a stop to certain surveillance sharing, but does that really mean anything?

Both Germany and the US, as well as Canada, Iran, China, Russia and even fucking Macedonia (and a bunch of other countries that has many thinking “why the fuck would they need THAT?) are all using more or less the same spy software suite as the US, which pretty much makes all spy agencies the same in terms of what they are technically capable of.

So no, it doesn’t mean shit. Germany, just like the United States, Canada and Mexico, and whoever else owns that software – including the companies that engineered it – are all equally capable of spying on the same stuff, regardless of the imaginary territorial boundaries subjects of the nation state believe they are protected by.

So the next time you are farting around on Facebook and you think you’re being funny, making remarks like, “Oh man I hope NSA doesn’t have a copy of THIS drunk text!” maybe instead you will remember that more than 40 countries have copies of everything you do online, and with the new wave of legislation to legalize ongoing surveillance techniques, the only legal protection you truly have is to not use the Internet.

And you read it here, on the Internet Chronicle.

Get fucked, political junkies. This was never up for debate.

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Categories
Uncontrollable Patriotism

ISIS: American Patriots

Rawdah Abdisalaam
Rawdah Abdisalaam left journalism school to pursue a future in American servitude, by joining ISIS.

DENVER, Colo.– ISIS recruit Rawdah Abdisalaam’s twitter account is suspended and none of it is archived anywhere. Considering the United States manufactured #ISIS by bombing Middle Easterners’ homes (after manufacturing their predecessors by arming Afghans who fought against the Soviet Union), it seems like the best thing we could have in response would be their side of the story – at least for laughs, right?

Nope, suspended. We get shitty Newscorp interpretations of events like it’s always been. You know who #ISIS ultimately serves? Lockheed-Martin and Boeing, war machine manufacturers who knew this would happen and worked closely with policy makers to ensure when it does happen, their toys will be purchased even if the budget shrinks. The Pentagon budget has shrunk so much though, they’re now selling war toys to Saudi Arabia for bombing Yemen, and things will continue in that pattern for a while.

ISIS exists to perpetuate a cycle of American profit. Everything they do is to an American company’s profit, especially Boeing and Lockheed-Martin. Although they won’t admit it publicly, this girl who joined ISIS is a “fucking patriot” when they look at what she and her new sand-friends are doing for American bank accounts.

This war is brought to you proudly by Lebal Drocer, Inc. We own everything that matters.