Michael Moore enlists in US Army as apology for American Sniper comments

"THIS IS MY TWITTER. THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT BUT THIS ONE IS MINE
Experts predict Moore could turn on his drill instructor in a Full Metal Jacket spectrum emotional breakdown, ending in a murder-suicide that will color the remaining plot of his 2015 buddy comedy.

Flint, Mich. — After calling American Sniper hero Chris Kyle a “coward,” and “a camping faggot,” US filmmaker Michael Moore issued a colossal apology in the form of his own enlistment in the armed forces.

“Not only should I not have said those things, I should not have a right to say them,” Moore explained in a tweet. “I understand there are limits to free speech. These people died so Seth Rogen and I could make movies.”

In a statement, Moore acknowledged that the American Army is the best in the world, adding that their fight for freedom has nothing to do with defense firm profits or the goals of arms manufacturers.

Because of his superior physique, commanding officers plan to fast-track Moore into an elite Navy Seal school, where he will learn how to become a master killer, and speak only when necessary.

“Semper Fi motherfuckers,” Moore stated. “I’m an infantryman, now. Bare bones. USA! USA!”

8 Replies to “Michael Moore enlists in US Army as apology for American Sniper comments”

  1. Micheal Moore is too fat to join the army he won’t fit in a tank nor HUMMVE and had to be carried under a sky crane helicopter or C 17 globemaster 3 transport plane. He wet his pants or more likely diaper at the sight of a gun. The only use he has for a army is to eat the enemy say North Korea out of house and home. He could always bore his enemy to death say Iran.

  2. It is fucking obvious this is photoshopped and fake. Since when does a soldier says “semper fi”? That is for the Marines. I can clearly see the lines in which the picture of Micheal’s head is cut out.

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