Oral sex in the Oval Office is something like a rite-of-passage for any American president. Kennedy had Monroe. Clinton had Lewinsky. Both Bushes had Barbara. And for the first time, the Internet Chronicle can reveal: Obama had Anthony.
Casey came to Washington shortly after a Florida jury found her—rightfully, dutifully, judiciously—not guilty of killing her two-year old daughter Caylee. With her big ole titties strapped tightly to her chest and her conscience as clear as a liter of chloroform, Casey was greeted at Dulles airport by Obama’s former chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, who had arranged the meeting at the behest of the president after being struck by her “natural, celestial” beauty on the tube.
“What can I say?” Emanuel said by phone. “Barry needed to get his rocks off. We were balls deep in this healthcare battle, Benghazi, Abdulrahman. It all was starting to add up. Not to mention Michelle was menopausal, so that hole wasn’t exactly a moist prospect for our country, if you catch my drift.”
When Anthony arrived at the White House that evening, the president wined and dined her with the White House’s finest.
“Casey comes from good stock, a real classy broad,” said Obama’s executive chef, Sam Kass. “We weren’t going to pour her from a box of Franzia. No, we broke out the Chateau Margaux that night.”
Their meeting lasted the entirety of the evening. Though details about the specifics of their doings are kept firmly under wrap, Emanuel let slip that the president did, in fact, show her that weeks copy of his so-called “kill-list”—a list of potential drone strike victims, made up mostly of innocent women and children in Bedouin villages.
“I can only guess that he wanted her input, her expertise,” Emanuel said. “He admired her cold, detached demeanor. It’s what the job dictates: killing children. And even though Casey is 100%, totally, unquestionably innocent, PBO knew he could glean some insight from a person who had at least suffered the same type of uninformed horseshit hysteria and accusations from the liberal Jew media.”
Emmanuel did confirm, off-the-record (oops), that Mr. Obama got fellated by Anthony that night in the Oval Office. His “first blow-jay in the O.O.,” as a former chief of staff of the Obama administration-turned-mayor of Chicago put it.
“Surprised it took him that long,” Dr. A.H.T. Roubadour, professor of American History at South Carolina Technical Community College, said in an interview Wednesday. “You know what? That might be the first interracial hummer to take place in the Oval Office… no, no. I forgot. 43 performed cunnilingus on Condoleezza a couple times. But that’s not the same thing.”
Commenting further on the tradition of the situation, Dr. Roubadour added, “It’s a competition for these Alpha’s. As one former president put it to me (Carter): If you’re gonna get your johnson smoked, the more extra-marital the better.”
When reached for comment by the Chronicle, Casey only said, “Bella Vita, bitches.”