SEX SCANDAL: Casey Anthony ‘barebacked’ Barack Hussein Obama – Casey cums to Washington

Casey Anthony wearing the American flag - the colorsOral sex in the Oval Office is something like a rite-of-passage for any American president. Kennedy had Monroe. Clinton had Lewinsky. Both Bushes had Barbara. And for the first time, the Internet Chronicle can reveal: Obama had Anthony.

Casey came to Washington shortly after a Florida jury found her—rightfully, dutifully, judiciously—not guilty of killing her two-year old daughter Caylee. With her big ole titties strapped tightly to her chest and her conscience as clear as a liter of chloroform, Casey was greeted at Dulles airport by Obama’s former chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, who had arranged the meeting at the behest of the president after being struck by her “natural, celestial” beauty on the tube.

“What can I say?” Emanuel said by phone. “Barry needed to get his rocks off. We were balls deep in this healthcare battle, Benghazi, Abdulrahman. It all was starting to add up. Not to mention Michelle was menopausal, so that hole wasn’t exactly a moist prospect for our country, if you catch my drift.”

When Anthony arrived at the White House that evening, the president wined and dined her with the White House’s finest.

“Casey comes from good stock, a real classy broad,” said Obama’s executive chef, Sam Kass. “We weren’t going to pour her from a box of Franzia. No, we broke out the Chateau Margaux that night.”

Their meeting lasted the entirety of the evening. Though details about the specifics of their doings are kept firmly under wrap, Emanuel let slip that the president did, in fact, show her that weeks copy of his so-called “kill-list”—a list of potential drone strike victims, made up mostly of innocent women and children in Bedouin villages.

“I can only guess that he wanted her input, her expertise,” Emanuel said. “He admired her cold, detached demeanor. It’s what the job dictates: killing children. And even though Casey is 100%, totally, unquestionably innocent, PBO knew he could glean some insight from a person who had at least suffered the same type of uninformed horseshit hysteria and accusations from the liberal Jew media.”

Emmanuel did confirm, off-the-record (oops), that Mr. Obama got fellated by Anthony that night in the Oval Office. His “first blow-jay in the O.O.,” as a former chief of staff of the Obama administration-turned-mayor of Chicago put it.

“Surprised it took him that long,” Dr. A.H.T. Roubadour, professor of American History at South Carolina Technical Community College, said in an interview Wednesday. “You know what? That might be the first interracial hummer to take place in the Oval Office… no, no. I forgot. 43 performed cunnilingus on Condoleezza a couple times. But that’s not the same thing.”

Commenting further on the tradition of the situation, Dr. Roubadour added, “It’s a competition for these Alpha’s. As one former president put it to me (Carter): If you’re gonna get your johnson smoked, the more extra-marital the better.”

When reached for comment by the Chronicle, Casey only said, “Bella Vita, bitches.”

SHOCKING IMAGES FROM CASEY’S D.C. SEX ROMP

HEY GUESS WHAT? MORE WAR!

Here’s the shit CNN won’t report

It’s not Kim Kardashian. It’s not Casey Anthony’s dead little baby. It’s not even Weiner’s dick. Nope. It’s another fucking WAR!

In April, the lying United States President Barack Obama said there are “no boots on the ground” in Libya but we reported there certainly are “shoes on the ground.” And boots. America continues its oil campaign through the desert as Obama prepares to declare war on Libya, who is currently already at war with itself.

Obama wants in on dat

Obama submitted a 34-page document to House Speaker John Boehner in support of all-out war on Libya. Lawsuits are being prepared against the administration which is currently engaged in illegal acts of war inside the oil-controlled nation of Libya, and Obama was required to justify his weird acts of war.

Many Americans will not even ask the question “Why not Syria?” where cold-blooded slayings of innocent, unarmed protesters take place as you read this – because Americans smart enough to ask that question are smart enough to know America’s role is not to spread Democracy, but to keep its own oil prices low.

The rest of the American public allow warmongering to continue because 98% of them are kept ignorant by corporate media and their own lazy, noninquisitive lifestyles; they probably just assume it’s all good in the ‘hood as long as their reality TV shows don’t exhibit signs of political polarization.

The U.S. State Department is considering lifting its ban on women in combat roles. This is likely less in the interest of women’s rights, and more because they don’t have enough meat in the field to sustain four simultaneous wars. Libya can expect a flood of women’s rights, where women will soon be found legally behind the gun pointed at your terrorist sand-nigger children.

Germany couldn’t warmonger on half the fronts we do but we’ll pull it off, because America’s number 1.

Chronicle.SU reporter Old Brutus called the CNN tipline to let them know Obama submitted to Congress what he said is a “legal basis for war” on Libya. Brutus assumed they had not yet learned of the development since they were broadcasting stories about Angelina Jolie and people having a hard time playing golf.

Old Brutus called the New York City CNN tip-line to make them aware of the news but could only speak to a machine. He left the following message:

[audio:http://chronicle.su/wp-content/uploads/message-from-old-brutus-to-cnn1.mp3|titles=Old Brutus’ message to CNN]

Then, dissatisfied and wishing to speak with a human being, Old Brutus called the Atlanta, Ga. headquarters where computers have not yet assumed oppressive control over the flow of information. In Ga. it recently became legal for women to work, so a girl answered the phone.

She said she was not aware of the President’s justification for war on Libya to Congress, and forwarded him to the same tip-line he called to reach her. While holding, Brutus quickly plugged his voice recorder back into his hyper-encrypted landline handset and recorded the following conversation:

[audio:http://chronicle.su/wp-content/uploads/tip-line1.mp3|titles=Old Brutus submits a news tip to CNN]

Elf Wax Media Ethics Analyst Billiam Falshe, who is glued constantly to CNN and supports their every move, was available for comment. Shortly before increasing the volume on his television, Falshe had this to say:

We like pretty dead babys with pretty mothers. We don’t like ugly sand-niggers blown to pieces by our political hate machine.

In the news today:

  • Someone injured during an angelina jolie visit to bumfuck nowhere
  • John Boehner plays golf “under pressure” [editor’s note: Boehner is scheduled to play golf with the President, who Boehner asked to submit a proposal for his thus-far-illegal war on Libya. *Gasp!* I wonder what they will they talk about?]
  • A new battlefront! [oh, between republicans and democrats]
  • For at least 30 minutes, Casey Anthony’s trial dominated BOTH CNN channels
  • Sarah Palin, for some reason

END OF THE WORLD "CAN'T COME FAST ENOUGH"

The End of the World is just around the corner, and for the first time ever, the  predictions are not met with fear, but hopeful optimism that they are true.

“I want to die,” said 53-year-old Jacob Bremaur, “and I want everyone I know to die a fiery death. I deserve a reward for living a good, forgiving life in the footsteps of Christ, and the sinners who live among us deserve to rot painfully in eternal hellfire – especially Noam Chomsky, for saying that bad stuff about George Bush.”

With a wink of his eye, Bremaur added, “See you there, George.”

News of the Rapture falls equally on the apathetic minds of a culture in which religion and spirituality take the backseat to sexting, iPods and electronic sex organs.

Stan Rosenstein, social scientist and professor emeritus of Sexual Psychology said most people will not notice their friends’ and families’ ascent into unending blissful peace, especially those closely following Nancy Grace’s coverage of the Casey Anthony case now in full swing.

“The whole world just doesn’t give a fuck,” said Rosenstein, “because for a baby-killer, that mom is hot as shit. Though I concede that she may not have been quite as pretty while smothering her baby with chloroform in the trunk of her car. But nobody’s perfect.”

The Religious Right will keep their eyes to the skies tomorrow, where Lebal Drocer, Inc. jets are scheduled to spell out in chemtrails the hourly countdown to eternal salvation – or damnation – depending on whether or not you read the Chronicle.SU