Murderous Syrian Leader Just Wants Citizens To See Things His Way

Bashar al-Assad wishes people could afford shoes in order to know what it's like to walk a mile in his.Syria–President Bashar al-Assad told reporters Friday he feels that in spite of the crushing oppression of his dictatorial regime, the Syrian people are just not as empathetic as he would like them to be during this tumultuous time.

“I just wish those peasants could see what it’s like to be me before I order them to be mercilessly slaughtered at the hands of my death squads,” President al-Assad said.

Thousands of people have jumped on the Bashar al-Assad Hatewagon and now flow through the city streets like enraged water. “That is why it is so important that I must kill them all,” the leader said.

“How many rounds must I fire into vocalized women and dissenting children before they learn I am their best, if not only, option?” asked al-Assad.

How many rounds must I fire into vocalized women and dissenting children before they learn I am their best, if not only, option?”

-Bashar al-Assad

The troubled Syrian President said he is starting to think his people believe he has grown weak because he sends other people to do his dirty work for him.

“I even ordered my troops to shoot the troops who protested the shooting of the protesters. Is this not a sign of strength? Do I need to shoot them myself?”

Syrian state spokesperson Ahmed al-Kahardi said a new commercial paid for by The Al-Assad Campaign For Unending Control will broadcast amid damning footage of unsympathetic Syrian protesters being gunned down on the Al Jazeera news network.

The commercial is said to feature footage of the Syrian President killing dissenters with his own two gloved hands so as not to appear spineless. Assad is also reportedly seen choking a young man and crushing his windpipe on camera before he can even squeak out “Death to tyranny!”

Such strength.

What's on Bashar's playlist?

Al-Assad said he hopes to kill enough protesters to “flip the ratio of haters,” until there are so few people left in his mean, dispirited state that all who remain in existence will represent none other than a majority of pure Syrian nationalists – good-natured folks who are willing to gladly accept all the abuses and indignity his oppressive regime has to offer, and who are so sympathetic to their ruler’s cause they are willing to starve to death and pay with their lives so their non-dissenting children may eat another day.

“If only they knew what I have to go through,” said al-Assad. The leader reported back pains that develop in the sixth hour of his sometimes day-long rape sessions upon women picked up by Syrian security forces.

“Sometimes I just want to lay down after that, but I can’t,” al-Assad complained. Occasionally the beleaguered President is even required to pick up the phone to order hot meals or tell reporters and UN diplomats to “fuck off” while he continues to ravage his unforgiving, unsympathetic nation.

Stay tuned as more details unfold around the President’s delicate emotional condition.

Reporting from the front lines of the World Cyber War

There really is no historical context that adequately frames the World Cyber War. The warriors are disparate and their numbers are unclear. The tactics are most often symbolic, but sometimes vicious and personal. The target is usually an establishment but occasionally an individual. Governments, corporations, and even fringe religious cults have found themselves under constant symbolic threat representative of massive public distrust and disgust. Anyone who angers the population enough will fall symbolic prey, hated by mankind. This phenomenon is known as Anonymous.

Anonymous has become increasingly fractured because of its anarchic and nihilistic origin. The users who try to define this anarchy are known among Anons as moralfags. They attempt to influence the creation of a political cult around promises of utopia. These moralfags use the oxymoronic ideology of anarchy to control others. Several splinter groups have tried and failed to hijack Anonymous in this way and a few have succeeded in some small measure. Still, true Anarchy seems to have stayed decidedly on top of the moralfags. This is evidenced by the recent DDoS attacks on AnonNews from a massive bot-net comprised of over 4,000 machines. No credit has been taken for the attack because the attackers are not moralfags and the action speaks for itself. AnonNews has long been a source for propaganda of all kinds. By its very nature, propaganda is the weapon of the moralfag. Only Chronicle.SU has turned propaganda into a tool to destroy propaganda.

The news feed on the Internet is not a simple 24 hour cycle like with papers and television. It is a behemoth so starved for information that it eats its own diarrhea to keep itself fed. Can Anonymous blame us for gleefully feeding this monster poison? When we claimed AnonNews was run by the US Government, the story was copy-pasted to more than just a handful of news outlets. The photoshopped image of a fed Anon behind a podium was photoshopped and then photoshopped again. Some people actually seemed to accept that AnonNews really was run by the Government.

AnonNews probably isn’t run by the government, but it’s a lot like any other propaganda outlet. It is a source for misinformation and ideology to be ingested into the diarrhea eating beast. Only Chronicle.SU is willing to stand up to this beast and feed it poison. I was paid for this service by having my personal information, my dox, published on AnonNews. It is  my guess that this is why AnonNews suffered such a vicious DDoS attack just a few hours after my personal information was published on their site. Yes, I just claimed partial responsibility for the recent DDoS attack on AnonNews. You have my dox. Call the cops on me. I dare you.

I’ve shamelessly inserted myself and my opinions into nearly every piece of writing about Anonymous. Now I do it with righteous purpose exposed. I got doxed and I deserved it. I engineered it by becoming an enemy to Anonymous. There are conspiracy theories about the nature of Chronicle.SU all over the internet. Some have theorized we are an experiment at manipulation from NewsMax or the US Government. Many have shared the belief that we are in fact being paid a lot of money to do what we do. I have only been paid by having all my most personal information published. To me, this is payment enough.

Posted via pastebin straight to the news feed at AnonNews.org, my dox were perhaps the most vicious piece of media to ever grace AnonNews. It was personal, misguided, and outright hateful. The link to my dox and all other dox were removed before AnonNews went back up. These were the stones hurled at Wilbur Mercer as he summited the metaphorical mountain of human struggle. With me as substitute for Mercer, the collective has felt pain for the first time. The collective has begun to learn empathy.