Anti-hate protest results in 'no additional love'

The Elf Wax Times goes deep into fake hippie territory to bring you a startling exposé of despicable fear-sheep who respond better to Facebook groups than true injustices. . . .

Larry And His Flask

The Elf Wax Times got fucking wasted and saw a great show, vomited in an alleyway, then drove home to tell you about it. . . .

IMPORTANT SCIENTIFIC DEMONSTRATION RE: ALL DRUGS

A study conducted by the trustworthy United States Government reveals all drugs fuck you up equally, severely and permanently. . . .

Elf Wax Times announces anti-lesbian platform

The Elf Wax Times doesn’t hate lesbians, but statistics show that as the number of lesbians increase, the number of girls willing to fuck Elf Wax staff writers declines, threatening America’s freedom. . . .

MILEY CYRUS – TRIBULATION

“When Miley Cyrus broke the sound barrier, we thought we’d seen everything. However, after punching through the Earth’s exosphere, the Disney Star approached escape velocity at 7 miles per second, then exploded brilliantly into a stream of atoms.“

-Eyewitness report

Miley Cyrus, moments before reaching critical mass over the . . .

Surfin' USA

Our right to privacy extends only as far as our ability to protect it since technological advancement and the government have joined hands against us. The right to privacy will be as void for humanity as the right to a fair trial was to the Guantanamo Bay detainees. We’re basically . . .

Study: Olympic Torch Relay Completely Unrelated to Tibet-China Conflict

PALO ALTO, CA–Amidst recent protests disrupting the Olympic Torch Relay throughout several countries, a recent study conducted by the Logical Institute of Thought, or LIT, in Palo Alto has concluded that in no point in the modern Olympic Games’ 112-year history has the worldly tradition of relaying the ignited Olympic torch ever interfered or influenced . . .