Aaron Swartz was Murdered

Murderers of Aaron Swartz tried to disguise his death as a suicide.

NEW YORK — After reports of Aaron Swartz’s apparent suicide circulated around the Internet this weekend, investigators found evidence of foul play. A former architect of Reddit, the online forum scandalized earlier this year by child pornography and “creepshots,” Aaron Swartz was . . .

Mitt Romney Draws Cute Picture of Islam Prophet Muhammed

Mitt Romney drives the final nail into the coffin of his political career with an offensively bomb-inducing sketch of sacred Islam Prophet Muhammad, and then blames Google for starting it. . . .

Internet Chronicle Ignites Race War: HELTER SKELETOR!!!!!

Cum join us for some sexual fucking of illegal natures, in this blog post full of cum and blood. Find an illegal fuckmate near you! . . .

MILEY CYRUS TURNS 18, n00ds coming soon

Miley Cyrus turns 18 today, breaking purity vows made to the Status Quo. Will she turn into Brittany Spears, or some other celebrity slut? You decide. . . .

miley-cyrus-lapdance-video

Like your uncircumcised, shriveled up little excuse for a winky, The Chronicle.SU has risen to the call of the next, and possibly last, Miley Cyrus article. . . .

Google Googles self, search feature 'disabled until further notice'

Google collapsed under the weight of its own self-searching, a glitch that has cost many their lives. Why, God, why? . . .

Google and the LHC converge to snuff humanity

Our existence is destined to funnel into a black hole of data, in which all 1s become 0s. Google enslaves mankind, only to erase it. Why, Google? . . .

The Elf Wax Times Boasts Monumental Success

The Elf Wax Times has exploded onto your computer screen like a poorly-timed orgasm. Read more to find out how literal this disgusting metaphor really is! . . .

God damn internet

The internet has taken control of our long-range nuclear missile silos. Richmond, VA readies itself for mandatory evacuation. Prepare for chaos. . . .

Dick Means Business

Silly Mahmoud should know we are the only country allowed to have nukes.