Categories
Reviews Technology

New Product uncovers nightmarish realities

Have you ever witnessed the birth of multiple universes, only to realize you were too stoned to verbalize it to your friends?

That’s why Lebal Drocer Labs has invented Mind Over Matter™ to pattern out your logic trees in REAL TIME so you can share it with your friends and trusted family members!

The Lebal Drocer Hate-Coil: A little girl shows her family how she believes 46.789% of our known universe will die in a gamma ray burst originating from the Great Attractor
A little girl shows her family how she believes 46.789% of our known universe will die in a gamma ray burst originating from the Great Attractor.

ABSOLUTELY FREE [with purchase]: upload your philosophical renderings to Facebook and Twitter today!

Mind Over Matter™ can be inserted directly into the brain stem* and is powered by any wall outlet, and your thoughts thoughts thoughts

Forgot what you were thinking? NO PROBLEM because Mind Over Matter™ offers a fully-interactive and comprehensive read-write experience. Just turn a dial with your thoughts and select how far back in the past you wish to go, and Mind Over Matter™ overwrites your current state of mind with previous mental states! It’s magic!** Repeat as many times as necessary, going as far back as you like.***

——————

*Mind Over Matter™ should not be used by children or people over seventy. This product is not a toy. Mind Over Matter™ has been shown to cause irreversible psychological damage to people who insist upon misusing Mind Over Matter™. Use Mind Over Matter™ in a controlled environment away from sharp objects and television.

**Some users of Mind Over Matter™ complain of a sensation of experiencing themselves as shadows lurking in the periphery. If you become a shadow behind the scenes of your own memories, come into close contact with (or find yourself becoming) a religious superlative, or witness the death of the Universe, discontinue use of Mind Over Matter™ immediately, and avoid sleep for at least 36 hours. Mind Over Matter™ can not bend spacetime, but studies have shown the ability to rearrange neutrino star structure from billions of miles away, and should only be performed under close adult supervision.

***Do not reverse mental state any farther back than before 1 years of age. Studies have shown using Mind Over Matter™ to recall pre-natal thoughts has led to heart attack, stroke, and brain-death. Mind Over Matter™ is fun for the whole family and the multitude of accidental horrors that lie in wait (for you and your children).

A Lebal Drocer Product

The Lebal Drocer Hate-Coil "Mind Over Matter"

Categories
News

NPR EXECUTIVE IMPLIES CRITICISM OF FATAH VERBOTEN

BALTIMOAR – Sunni Khalid, long-time managing editor at WYPR-FM, posted Facebook comments deemed controversial about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. NPR’s reaction to the comments would indicate the author’s remarks were at odds with core values of the radio station.

Mr. Khalid posted this on a friend’s Facebook page:

“I, for one, have had enough of this pandering before the Israeli regime . . . The war-mongering toward Iran has, once again, distracted the world from Israel’s brutal military occupation of the West Bank, East Jerusalem and the Golan Heights.”

Sunni Khalid no longer works with NPR after posting Facebook comment
Sunni Khalid, journalist and Facebook user

Tony Brandon, president of the station, seemed very interested in understanding the outlet with whom he was speaking. Due to Mr. Brandon’s apparent decision to terminate an employee for his political expression, we thought it best to go undercover, and had a reporter pose as an ordinary, concerned citizen. While transparency is ideal, Chronicle editors agreed that Mr. Brandon’s ability to formulate personnel policy might have been jeopardized by specific, powerful political interests, rather than vague ideas outlined on a generic policy page.

What began as a call of a concerned citizen eventually yielded Mr. Brandon’s claimed deference to NPR guidelines, which have seen the termination of Washington-based employees for attending Daily Show host Jon Stewart’s 2010 Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.

Mr. Brandon declined to answer a direct question as to whether criticism of West Bank-dominant Palestinian political party, Fatah, would engender a termination of Mr. Khalid, whose gender a Chronicle reporter was unaware, due to his completely politically correct, gender-blind sensibilities; in addition to utter ignorance of different cultures.

Listen, in real time, as Tony Brandon, President and General Manager of NPR Baltimore dodges a question of ethics:
[audio:https://chronicle.su/wp-content/uploads/LS1101261.mp3|titles=Sunni Khalid inquiry to Tony Brandon of NPR by Tyler Bass]

“Damn kids and their questions without answers! When will they learn to consult our policy first!?”

Categories
Hate News

Extra Rage Comics

You know all those exaggerated bullshit stories you read on Reddit, which trick you into believing it really happened to someone? 99% of the time, people embellish their stories dramatically and this is the only reason they get upvotes. Yet somehow, you want to believe it because it’s disguised as a sillyass cartoon that gives you chills of cult like love for your precious, sweet, loving redditors. Oh, you know about the trolls, though. They’re always downvoted and exposed because of Reddit’s precious direct democracy.

Well prepare to have your mind completely shattered, REDDIT.

I use hundreds of sockpuppet accounts to constantly push MISERABLE rage comics into Reddit – HELL, I INVENTED THE LIVEJOURNAL RAGE COMIC.

I did this by making sure the comics would play to all the fucktards who go “aww” and upvote something that isn’t funny.

WELL BY GOD, I’ve got something you’re going to HATE. This is designed for all the little trolls out there, who are now going to RUSH to f7u12 spamposting and spamvoting up horrific comics which will possibly ruin the seriousness which has taken over this CANCEROUS and HIDEOUS scar upon the internet and possibly the worst abscess in COMIC HISTORY.

YOU WILL RUE THE DAY, REDDIT!




Imagine the comments… Infiltrate Reddit…. Upvote…. Profit???

I LOOK EDGY AND FUN WHEN I MAKE TEH IMAGES TOO BIG