VCU Earth Day goes off without a hitch, “marijuana major contributor,” explains anonymous

Police retake control of a VCU Earth Day protest Friday. . . .

Failing failures and the failure that fails them

The money you spend on tacos and Wal-Mart trash pays for genocide overseas. Your brain is committing suicide. You are generally worthless and we don’t like you reading Elf Wax. . . .

This just in

Armed cattlemen gather to wrangle up sheep-like capital resource

Our generation is doomed to the cooperation of all distributors of every major known resource in a valiant effort to turn a buck on the entire human race at each opportunity, degenerating us with PR incentives into an unquestioning, unthinking, digitally . . .

Study: Olympic Torch Relay Completely Unrelated to Tibet-China Conflict

PALO ALTO, CA–Amidst recent protests disrupting the Olympic Torch Relay throughout several countries, a recent study conducted by the Logical Institute of Thought, or LIT, in Palo Alto has concluded that in no point in the modern Olympic Games’ 112-year history has the worldly tradition of relaying the ignited Olympic torch ever interfered or influenced . . .