My ideal president

What qualities do you look for in el presidente? . . .

Elf Wax Times: Demographic Research

Elf Wax Times offers anecdotal evidence for the majority of its readership. Also, how to fuck a magazine. . . .

STAY INDOORS! DEADLY GEMINID METEOR SHOWER TONIGHT

Apocalypse or gift from the Heavens? You decide after we give you one hyper-delusional side of this annual story of Gemini’s Wrath. . . .

Elf Wax columnist killed during protest rally

Elf Wax political columnist, campaign trail correspondent, and celebrated Communist Kirill Milosevic died violently Friday in a clash with police during a peace riot. . . .

Why Hussein Is Fucking America

As we all know, Barack Hussein Obama has purposefully begun his career by attacking America’s core values and principles with his decree to allow baby-killings, gay marriages, and practice of Islam. This all makes sense insofar as Hussein is a leftist hippie freak who believes in Marxism, a synonym for evil. However, as an alleged . . .