As the Israeli occupation and subjugation of decadent hedons in Palestine continues, young excited Jewish-Americans lined the streets of every major American city this weekend to show their unwavering support for the Zionist state.
On a day typically reserved for reflections on America’s puritan foundation, fanatical Zionists – per tradition – celebrated our nation’s independence by calling for Palestinian extermination.
“Independence comes in many forms,” Benji Benjamin said, an eight year old Ohio native marching up the streets of Manhattan. “I think the Palestinians, for their own good, might be better off wiped off the map. It will, at the least, free up some space in the budget, which is important to many third graders I know.”
Mr. Benjamin was in New York City on his way to board a flight for his birthright trip, a rite-of-brainwash for most Jewish Americans.
Tensions have never been higher between Israelis and Palestinians as crime within the Holy Land has seen a sharp spike in the last week. In part, this dramatic flux can be contributed to the recent kidnapping of three Israeli youth, the bombing of Palestinian children before that, the Palestinian rocket attack on a local Regional Council before that, an Israeli raid on an aid ship en route to the Gaza Strip before that, Hitler’s Final Solution, the Israelites murdering Moses, and God’s supreme fuck-up by promising land rights to chosen religious groups in the first place.
Angstrom H. Truedaberg, the Chronicle’s resident schlemiel, said, “These folks are expressing their right to exist. Many-a-Mensch took to the streets on this July 4th. I’m proud to be a part of such a peaceful, compassionate movement like Liberal Zionism.”
The United States has historically had nothing but support for the Zionist movement, rightly shunning the legitimate concerns of the residents of the occupied West Bank and Gaza Strip. However, many hard-knocked Zionists view the current administration’s attitudes towards the Jewish State as not supportive enough.
“Sure, Barack ‘Roof-Knock’ Nobama has increased funding to Israel’s military to $3 billion and denied Palestinian statehood, but why does he stay silent on the real issue: the savage barbarianism of the Arab, in general?” a beautiful Aryan editor at a local college newspaper said, speaking on the condition of anonymity so as not to expose her fucking stupidity.
“Is it because he himself is a Moslem?” she asked. “Is it because he was born in Kenya? Which almost borders Iran? Cuba? Hitler? The President must be forced to answer these types of questions.”
At the time of publication, the White House commented, “Look, it’s Ramadan. Give our Pres a minute. Can’t solve ethnic tensions on an empty stomach!”
Israel is attacking American universities with data shared to them by the National Security Agency, and “busy” professors are responsible for the degradation of Occupy Wall Street, author and journalist Chris Hedges said.
Hedges said while he and Dr. Cornel West were having dinner, the two of them lambasted lazy journalism professors and other intellectuals of being “too busy” to support free speech. During a speech to Northeastern University in Boston, Massachusetts, Hedges revealed a sinister Jewish plot to undermine American efforts at free dialog.
[Teachers] develop a secret respect for television media; a self-reinforced trust of the government.”
Documents leaked by former NSA contractor Edward Snowden – who previously worked for Booz-Allen Hamilton – revealed the zealous scrutiny of private American citizens’ information provided to Israel by the NSA. Experts have pointed out Israeli intelligence agencies are beginning to target intellectuals who question the two nations’ militant right-wing confederacy.
Internet Chronicle anthropologist and Chief Executive of Economic Research Adviser Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour said American university professors recuse themselves from forming a strong opinion because of a combination of factors.
“The omniscient gaze of the NSA and Israel are one reason you don’t want to be caught planning a demonstration against your government,” Troubadour said. “Fear of losing their jobs. Should they become impartial and dare to question Obama’s commitment to transparency, why, a teacher could disappear for that. So they develop a secret respect for television media; a self-reinforced trust of the government.”
Officials behind the 2014 World Cup said they have deployed the most extensive security apparatus ever to create what is anticipated to be the safest, most patriotic gaming event in the history of sport.
American robots will monitor the ground while Israeli drones patrol the skies over the Confederations Cup football (soccer) tournament in what’s being called a “dry run,” by security officials, before the World Cup next year.
The unmanned aircraft feature thermal cameras that can see through walls and clothing to scan individuals concealing bombs strapped around their bodies.
Other security measures listed for testing are flyovers by Air Force fighter jets equipped with surveillance equipment.
Thousands of extra troops are being brought in to patrol the stadiums used for the Confederations Cup, to create a family-friendly atmosphere of rigidity and stringent control.
Experts, however, believe visitors will be immediately vulnerable to street crime once they stray from tightly secured areas because the local police force is being pulled from street duty to satisfy the public’s undying urge to see shiny riot shields and paramilitary crowd control gear.
“We are strongly concerned with ensuring safety and security to all our athletes, tourists, heads of state and delegations,” Sports Minister Aldo Rebelo told reporters on a conference call last week. The call is now known to have been monitored by the National Security Agency, an ironic and horrifying security breach.
At least 45,000 personnel will be deployed to all the events leading up to the World Cup in Brazil, meaning one guard will be assigned to every 50 spectators of the matches. In addition to 3,500 military police officers, security forces will also include a battalion of riot police with two armored vehicles, a canine unit of sniffer dogs trained to detect drugs and explosives as well as eight fucking sharpshooters, said Fabio Pizetta, the head of Brazilia’s riot police division.
No facts from this story were fabricated for hyperbolic effect.
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AUSTIN, TEXAS — This afternoon federal agents killed Alex Jones and 52 Genesis Communications Network associates, each with two gunshot wounds to the back of the head. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, now investigating the incident, describes these wounds as “self-inflicted.” Before the standoff reached its bloody conclusion, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney clarified at the daily briefing that Mr. Jones faced charges of pedophilia, illicit gun alteration and roughly two decades of back income taxes. Photographers captured ATF agents placing the bodies of the 52 employees into plastic coffins. The compound collapsed in place after suffering damage from armored Caterpillar bulldozers specially deployed by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Thursday morning undercover Waco Child Protective Service agents showed up at the door of the GCN compound and asked to speak to Mr. Jones. They presented themselves as wandering members of the milita movement, sympathetic following what Mr. Jones had termed his “explosive” appearance on “Piers Morgan Tonight.” When surrogates showed Mr. Jones to the door, they presented him with a Remington 870 shotgun. CPS asked if Mr. Jones could help them shorten the barrel below 22 inches. Mr. Jones, standing in his doorway, they say, happily agreed, took the American-made 12-gauge shotgun into a back lot and shortened it. When child protective services asked to take Mr. Jones’s children, the radio host disclosed that he was a sovereign citizen tax protester, having avoided the income tax due to its “unconstitutionality” since 1913.
Mr. Jones was 38 and is survived by millions of followers, having hosted the 10th most popular radio show in the United States. Mr. Jones was most famous for his December 31, 1999 broadcast, during which he was the only media source to break a taboo on reporting on the Russian missile attack that occurred that evening. During Y2K numerous power plants imploded due to computer error, and the North American Aerospace Defense Command failed to intercept Russian missiles, which killed millions of Americans in secret.
The radio host attracted international attention, including from the British royal family, after having made statements referring to his owning more than 50 “guns” and those “firearms” having increased in value two, three or four times. “It was at that point,” said FBI consultant Kenneth Lanning, previously responsible for helping cover up the Boystown fiasco with Larry King, “that we felt comfortable assuming that firearms referred to child spouses, and so we moved in.”
Friday morning ATF bulldozers, shipped to Houston 12 years ago from the West Bank, made their way slowly toward the South Wall of the Genesis Communications Network Compound. Upon mowing down solar panels and finally the outer wall of the compound, the six bulldozers reached a sudden halt. Their path, said one of the drivers, was impeded by cache of bullion six feet high just inside the inner wall. Representatives of the Dallas FBI Bureau, speaking by phone, said they feared the worst. “We were worried that the Prison Planet crew might be able to hold out for years on end.” Regardless, soon after having breached the flaming outer wall, the building collapsed.
A defector from the followers, whom Mr. Jones refers to as “listeners,” former Infowars.com contributor Mark Dice, informed authorities that GCN’s contract with eFoodsDirect would mean that freedom-loving audiovisual technicians and website contributors might be able to hold out for up to seven decades.
Citing the deaths of 20 children in Newtown, Connecticut last month, Bilderberg President and ATF chief David Rockefeller said, “We’ve had such terrible loss of life, maybe the smartest thing to do is pull it. And they made that decision to pull and then we watched the building collapse.”
At a Friday morning press conference in Washington, FBI Director David Mueller described subsequent events. He said Israeli Armored D9s, “teddy bears,” caused the walls of the compound to collapse. Mr. Mueller said, “Once the ‘doobis’ breached the outer wall, the mosquito-netting-like structure of the compound was compromised, causing the building to collapse, first starting with the penthouse, and then the children’s bedrooms.” Producer Aaron Dykes escaped, but his son, whom authorities believe to actually be Mr. Jones’s, was found in the remains of the compound.
As bulldozers approached initially, federal marshals demanded that Mr. Jones exit the building. After he did so, he ignored their calls that he continue walking toward waiting SUVs, instead re-entering his doorway. Returning from the doorway, facing away from authorities, he brandished what appeared to them be an M-16, but what was actually a Bushmaster he purchased at Wamart in early December. Officials say it was then, walking backwards, that Waco sheriff’s deputies opened fire. All of their bullets missed, but Mr. Jones, deputies said in sworn statements, placed the Bushmaster to the back of his head and pulled the trigger twice.
The fire spread faster due to hundreds of kilograms of uncured cannabis, which Mr. Jones’ one surviving child claimed no one was imbibing as a psychoactive but rather that Mr. Jones was encouraging his children to eat raw for anti-carcinogenic properties.
MOUNT CARMEL, TEXAS –Alex Jones, famous shock-jock and gun enthusiast responsible for popularizing Waco conspiracies, found his compound under siege after a brief, but violent, confrontation with local police. After recently claiming to own over 500 assault weapons on-air, police responding to a noise complaint decided to take extra precautions for their safety, kicking down Jones’ door with fully automatic assault weapons. Witnesses disagree about what happened, but both Mr. Jones and a police officer were grievously wounded in the exchange.
Mr. Jones, holding his many wives and children hostage, continues to broadcast the first of many revelations considering the true nature of the Illuminati, Bilderbergs, Bohemian Grove, chemtrails, 9/11, and other folk tales which explain away the collective guilt of America.
Meanwhile, Jones has been accused of rape in Sweden, and Interpol has issued a red notice for his arrest. Jones has brought his many wives on air to talk about their perfectly happy sex lives, extolling the many holistic benefits of the kind and gentle touch of Alex Jones. “People, this smear campaign is just the beginning. This is Waco, this is 9/11, this is Ruby Ridge. Wake up, people!”
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THE MIGHT OF THE HARMONIOUS WHOLE – STRONGER THAN ONE THOUSAND NUCLEAR WARHEADS – CAN BE SEEN ONLY IN THE CHRONICLE.SU. NO ONE IN THE WORLD CAN MATCH THE WAR-LIKE STRENGTH OF SINGLE-MINDED UNITY FOUND WITHIN THE HALLS OF CHRONICLE.SU HEADQUARTERS.
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LOS ANGELES – The fear generated by the death of a man Internet spectators thought could have been the coroner for recently deceased right-wing pundit Andrew Breitbart is evocative of when Firedoglake Publisher Jane Hamsher and The Nation Publisher Katrina famously argued about their respective coverages of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and the death of Vince Foster.
One day in August of 2010, Nation Fellow Philip Weiss wrote an article accusing Firedoglake of ignoring issues of Palestine, claiming that Firedoglake was too bent to the will of Israeli ultra-nationalists.
Ms. Hamsher would respond, “FDL is 1 of the ONLY left blogs w/someone writing abt Palestine (Siun) & you’d have 2 be a f&^%king r#%ard not to Google that.” Added Ms. Hamsher, “So @KatrinaNation is paying Vince Foster conspiracy peddler @MondoWeiss to attack “professional left” now. @NationInstitute must be proud.”
Ms. Hamsher’s “professional left” comment was an allusion to a comment by then White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs derogating President Obama’s ideological critics in the press.
Philip Weiss is, at least as of April of last year was still writing for The Nation. He described his own frustration with journalistic colleagues who rejected him for failing to accept his conclusions, or lack thereof, regarding the death of Foster.
I wasn’t trusted to write about politics around that time. ‘You’re over-determined,’ one writer said with condescension. I thought I was just a reporter. And Joe Klein had said as much novelistically, in Primary Colors.
So I was grateful to Bill Clinton when he capped his Administration with an act of corruption, absolving Marc Rich, for all to see.
I was hugely grateful to both Clintons when they turned her campaign into an Ahabish pursuit of power, a race-a-thon, an impeachment-grudgematch, a mad grind for Bill’s redemption, and showed that they would do anything. Again: for all to see.
And I am now personally grateful to Hillary for exposing the violence and thuggery that exists at the cold black bottom of her politics, for all to see. Her wish-fulfillment statement about assassination reminds me of the night I got back from my first trip to Little Rock in 1996.
Hamsher would charge that keeping Weiss as a Nation fellow — in effect paying him to write –amounted to “intellectually lazy limousine liberal effete wankery.” She would compare Mr. Weiss to extremist or at least disingenuous commenters at Firedoglake.
“Hey @KatrinaNation,” wrote Ms. Hamsher, “we banned some 9/11 trolls from our comments last week. You can have em 4 Nation Institute Fellows if u want.”
The comments section at the LA Times after the death of a supposed Breitbart coroner evokes that 2010 discourse about The Nation’s coverage of the Foster death and Firedoglake’s Southwest Asian news coverage.
Russell Taylor wrote: “The quickest way to commit suicide? Know some dirt on the government, and even think about putting it out to the public.”
Another party compared the coroner’s death to that of deposed Libyan leader Muammar Gadhafi: “I’ve been wondering as an aside what Khaddafi had on the US Government that led to him being double crossed the way he was, and WHY he did not plan for such an event by entrusting information with a secret 3rd party as ‘life insurance’
Mr. Taylor elaborated on his beliefs: “Ever notice that people investigating possible political crimes, either come up with no results from those investigation, or they quit breathing before announcing results.”
But it was by April 20th that the Los Angeles coroner’s office had already issued a report — a report, if not a final report — announcing that the conservative blogger had died of hardened arteries.
Also at the LA times, user “Obama EATS DOGS” wrote:
Obama Death Toll (so far)….. 3 gay choir members at Trinity Church in Chicago, where Obama attended Rev Wright’s sermons for twenty years. Plus one Kam Kuwata (Democrat Strategist and Dianne Feinstein best friend) who went missing and was found 2 weeks later, dead inside his Venice Beach home. Plus Andrew Breitbart who died “of natural causes” in LA. And NOW, the LA Coroner who (possibly) helped investigate Breitbart’s death gets poisoned to death with arsenic, the same week the Breitbart autopsy report is due for release!
Here at the Ulsterman Report is more on the theory that Kam Kuwata was assassinated.
Despite the fact that Vince Foster died in 1993, Eva Harper wrote: “Don’t forget Vince Foster, friend to the Clintons who was killed during the 2008 campaign cycle…”
Mark Flaming, on Facebook, a self-described “Hebrew Slave at Offshore Oil/Natural Gas” found incredible claims that the coroner had died while amidst recreation. “Due to a hobby’?” he wrote. “What was his hobby? Eating poison? I think he knew more than the current administration thought was good for him (or them),” adding, “I wonder who’s going to fall over dead next? Probably whoever investigates his murder! Arsenic anyone?”
A 28th of April Facebook posting suggested Mr. Fleming may have possessed a deeper, abiding instinct regarding those of greater melanin content. Commenting on an Alabama killing alleged to be a race-based retaliation for the killing of Trayvon Martin, Mr. Fleming wrote on Facebook, “Blacks are the biggest and worst racists I know.”
Ray N Felitto III wrote:
The Trinity United choir leader was a man named Donald Young who happened to be and was also known in the Chicago ghettos and dem circles as Obama’s pre presidential gay lover or at least one of many. Even Young’s mother has confirmed all this as truth, but the media is of course AWOL even this time around. Just like they will be here. Also No coincidence. http://bit.ly/ctzVit
With respect to the dead choir members, “Ray N Felitto III” is referencing reporting done by the Globe, on display at rense.com; as well as the Wayne Madsen Report.