axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News World

China pirates self


In an astonishing blow to the country’s economy, China has managed to duplicate itself in the Communist state’s most recent piracy spree.

China(2), as experts are now calling it, will be placed on the country’s Desktop until room can be made in the State External Hard Drive (Taiwan). However, Taiwan is not ready to store the pirated nation until China agrees to a deal in which their service is exchanged for humanitarian respect. Because Taiwan expects something in return for their work, Chinese correspondents report that the separated nation runs a serious risk of looking like Metallica for taking such a “Lars Ulrichy” stance on piracy, declaring them, quote, “Big whiny pussies.”

Paradoxically, when China(2) was downloaded illegally off the Internet, the Chinese “Hong Kong’s-Disney Land Is-Too-Far-So-Bring-Your-Family-To-This-Amusement-Park-Instead” knockoff became an officially licensed Walt Disney World, complete with Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, as well as other public domain stories and characters for which copyrights have been hijacked and redeployed for profits.

Also, scientists say that due to the lossy compression method of the recently downloaded China(2), its lead content has nearly halved, and the new country’s methods of corruption are already effecting the integrity of the Communist State’s underlying systems of internal exchange.

“One can watch as [the document] collapses in on itself before the eyes,” said Chinese(2) correspondent Jack Danielson. “In a vacuum, China(2) can not stand up to its own self-annihilation. The isolated economy of China(2) seems to have backwashed on itself and the citizens appear to be resorting to Capitalism as a means of survival. It is unprecedented.”

China is available for download on Apple’s iTunes for US $.99 and a nominal sign-up fee. The paid, legal copy comes fully stocked with connections to North Korea and Russia, and unlike its pirated counterpart, poisons babies with formula replaced by authentic Chinese cleaning powders.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Health Local Society Special Interest Status Quo Technology

Don't live a sham. Know the truth, with EvoCam

Since the dawn of time, paranoid delusional people have been denied the opportunity to dodge reality and dive into the upward-spiraling colossus of a self-feeding reward system of worry. But now we can, with EvoCam.

Combining the award-winning prestige of the highly adaptive miniature video camera with the competence of your common desktop or laptop computer, EvoCam facilitates the most sophisticated and most customizable round-the-clock video surveillance lockdown mankind has seen since the inception of Wal-Mart.

Suspicious of your roommates sneaking in while you’re away? Just switch on the EvoCam as you’re heading out the door! Or better yet, leave it on all day!

Watch footage of yourself playing computer games, or watching a movie. Re-live past experiences!

Ladies, want to catch your man masturbating to porn on the internet when he could be fucking you instead?

Schizophrenics, do you want to prove that all those people talking to you are really there?

Get registered with EvoCam online and have your video footage sent first to an underground EvoCam headquarters where it is reviewed, filtered, condensed, archived, unarchived, and then rearchived again in a form of encryption so advanced that even EvoCam scientists can’t undo what’s been done! Then, it will be emailed to you in ten separate pieces, which you can then plug into a separate downloadable add-on program attachment to have them reunscrambled and mailed to you within 6-8 weeks. All the while you can stew and perculate, let the paranoia fester until it is sparking grease onto your inner chest cavity. This is how you know EvoCam is working.

Now, wait for it. Did you hear that pop? That’s EvoCam inside your head, recording itself through your eyes as it records you. It even knows you just read this sentence! This is so you can be absolutely sure, without one per cent of a doubt, that it is indeed YOUR EvoCam recording you, and not that of a strange elite hacker for delta Geplin 7 beaming images of you and your forbidden loved ones and your secrets back to his porndorm at your local engineering university.

Help EvoCam become you.
Become
EvoCam today!