“Gravity Bong” Explodes Mans Lungs

BOULDER, CO — Chet Goodman, 19, was killed last night when his lungs exploded from the use of what is called a “gravity bong,” to forcibly inhale marijuana smoke. Goodman had just returned to Boulder from his hometown of Los Angeles for fall semester at Colorado University, when his roommates suggested to ceremoniously get high . . .

Area Christian Too Cool For The Devil

“You can’t hold onto hate. I used to hate my abusers for what they did to me, and I hated people who took me away from God. But now I don’t hate anything, except for terrorists, really. And Islam.” . . .

Geo quits again

CHRONICLE.SU – ANONYMOUS HACKED SONY INVESTIGATOR GEOHOTZ LEAVES THE INTERNET CHRONICLE FOR BETTER, FEWER THINGS . . .

VCU Earth Day goes off without a hitch, “marijuana major contributor,” explains anonymous

Police retake control of a VCU Earth Day protest Friday. . . .

Staff writer Cess Poole comes close to nearly writing article

Local writer later said “Fuck it”

Cess Poole makes his living stealing money from people's wallets.

Cess Poole, chronicle.su writer, expressed wishes Sunday to produce new material. Almost immediately, however, the young penman changed his mind.

“He was like, ‘Fuck it,’” said fellow writer and chronicle.su editor Frank Mason.

. . .

Th3j35t3r’s 9/11 terror spree

In th3j35t3r’s constant struggle against Jihadists, he has grown increasingly similar to his most hated enemies. By committing several terror attacks on 9/11, he has become more like Al-Qaeda than ever before. But is it going too far to call th3j35t3r’s attacks terrorism? As a recent victim of an attack by th3j35t3r, Chronicle.SU is of the opinion that th3j35t3r is indeed a terrorist. He was quick to publish our personal details in the hopes that it would scare us into submission. By this action alone, th3j35t3r definitely fits the most basic definition for terrorism. . . .

Internet “Not Anonymous Enough” for CHRONICLE Writer Old Brutus

Yet another Chronicle staffer drops out of the Internet . . .

ELF WAX TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT

The Elf Wax Times’ team of political analysts project that the publication’s platform of drug use, videogames and name-calling will be all the evidence voters need to make the right decision in 2012. . . .

William

William Quianthy, local legend, goes on the record about marijuana, Led Zeppelin, and Cheez-Its. . . .

Open Letter to Danny Gilmore

For the second time in a row, The Elf Wax Times picked up your slack because nobody is willing to stand up for fucking anything. . . .