Pirates awash with Windows 7 theft orgy

Pirates have released an automatically-validating, automatically-updating edition of Windows 7. Those giving bastards! . . .

Online Gamers Constitute 90 Percent of World's Racists

Playstation Network is the new face of hate in this week’s edition of The Elf Wax Times. How will Sony handle the cries for help? . . .

FUCK YOUR BLOG

The Elf Wax Times toils into the wee hours of the morning to bring you part one in an unlimited-part series: VOTE DOWN THE INTERNET, HAIL THE ELF WAX TIMES . . .

The Elf Wax Times Boasts Monumental Success

The Elf Wax Times has exploded onto your computer screen like a poorly-timed orgasm. Read more to find out how literal this disgusting metaphor really is! . . .

Neighborhood Puzzled By Shoe-Wearing Power Line

Witnesses have stated that the power line seems to be a size 11 wide. . . .

I'd like to sext you up

There are little girls who trail behind mommy or daddy through Anytown, USA, staring down into their twiddling hands at what is without fail – and without question – a cell phone. . . .

Your daughter's a whore, and not even the good kind

A brutal assessment of today’s American Dad, using excessive vulgarity and disturbing, offensive honesty. . . .

MILEY CYRUS – TRIBULATION

“When Miley Cyrus broke the sound barrier, we thought we’d seen everything. However, after punching through the Earth’s exosphere, the Disney Star approached escape velocity at 7 miles per second, then exploded brilliantly into a stream of atoms.“

-Eyewitness report

Miley Cyrus, moments before reaching critical mass over the . . .

President Obama contracts swine flu

Washington, D.C.–Due to coming into close physical contact with government pigs in Washington, U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama has been diagnosed with the H1N1 virus, popularly known as swine flu, following a doctor visit Friday.

Noticeable symptoms include tiredness of the eyes, a glazed “thousand-yard-stare” and the onset of . . .