Readers Vow to Be Faithful to Leadership of Raghubir Goyal

CHRONICLE.SU – THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE AS RAGHUBIR GOYAL ASSUMES TOTAL CONTROL OF INTERNET HATE SITE CHRONICLE.SU – PRAISE INGLIP! . . .

When Families Grieve – A Very Special PBS Special

Lockheed-Martin pays Elmo and some other puppets go on PBS tonight to tell kids how to cope with death as a result of suicide, illness and war. . . .

VIDEO FOOTAGE EXPOSES PENTAGON MURDER COVER-UP

This isn’t our job. Why aren’t you doing it? Cover this shit on your own so we can get back to satire, please. . . .

Haiti before the earthquake

The Elf Wax Times takes you on an inside look at poverty-stricken Haiti before the earthquake that rescued many from starvation. . . .

Elf Wax Times announces anti-lesbian platform

The Elf Wax Times doesn’t hate lesbians, but statistics show that as the number of lesbians increase, the number of girls willing to fuck Elf Wax staff writers declines, threatening America’s freedom. . . .

North Korean weapon vessel turns around, "left the stove on"

“It could start a fire,” said one analyst, Ernest H. Way, at Elf Wax Research Laboratories. . . .

AL QAEDA LEADER IN IRAQ NOT CAPTURED

On an unrelated note, the War will continue.The man suspected to be the Al Qaeda leader in Iraq was found snoozing in a house in the Northern city of Mosul. The man confessed to being the owner of the long, unpronounceable name shown above but the military has yet to . . .