WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the one-year anniversary of the immediately successful launch of healthcare.gov approaches, the Obama administration has finalized plans to celebrate in a big way.
Or as press secretary Josh Earnest put it, “it’s gonna be fucking patriotic as shit—the American Way, fgts.”
After weeks of floundering . . .
Angstrom H. Truedaberg, the Chronicle’s resident schlemiel, said, “These folks are expressing their right to exist. Many-a-Mensch took to the streets on this July 4th. I’m proud to be a part of such a peaceful, compassionate movement like Liberal Zionism.” . . .
Released to rave reviews, the book has been called “a modern-day woman’s meditation on Freedom, reminiscent of Rand, Woolf, and Morrison,” by the Wall Street Journal. . . .
We let Iraq go because it was no longer profitable to keep it. What good is a broken nation without oil? We need a power player, Iraq. . . .
Six years into Barack Obama’s term, ‘the drone strike madman’ recently executed a series high-profile civilian murders political analysts referred to as “the Columbine of the Middle East.” . . .
Future President George Bush a-huntin’ them Reds
A great leader once asked, “How’s that hopey, changey stuff workin’ out for ya?”
America found her answer. Former President George W. Bush announced a plan Monday to “take America back,” starting with a campaign to reignite nationalism . . .
Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, chief researcher at Lebal Drocer Laboratories, added, “It ain’t the size of the spill that matters. It’s the motion of the ocean.” . . .
“I told you so”
INTERNET – According to a new study, an overwhelming majority of online peace activists just want President Obama to get on with bombing Syria.
The study, conducted by the non-partisan Pew Research Center, found that 91% of internet users who identify as peace activists are increasingly impatient to condemn . . .
They walked into his office and stabbed him like it was nothing out of the ordinary, but also like it was something they’d been meaning to do for a long time. . . .