Washington, D.C. – As US President Barack Hussein Obama renews some meaningless vow to close down the Guantanamo Bay Cab Driver Spa and Resort, Sony has doubled down their criticisms of the president by offering to release the CIA Torture Report, which contains graphics depictions of torture and rape, for free on Crackle, their in-house . . .
Angstrom H. Truedaberg, the Chronicle’s resident schlemiel, said, “These folks are expressing their right to exist. Many-a-Mensch took to the streets on this July 4th. I’m proud to be a part of such a peaceful, compassionate movement like Liberal Zionism.” . . .
Released to rave reviews, the book has been called “a modern-day woman’s meditation on Freedom, reminiscent of Rand, Woolf, and Morrison,” by the Wall Street Journal. . . .
We let Iraq go because it was no longer profitable to keep it. What good is a broken nation without oil? We need a power player, Iraq. . . .
Six years into Barack Obama’s term, ‘the drone strike madman’ recently executed a series high-profile civilian murders political analysts referred to as “the Columbine of the Middle East.” . . .
Future President George Bush a-huntin’ them Reds
A great leader once asked, “How’s that hopey, changey stuff workin’ out for ya?”
America found her answer. Former President George W. Bush announced a plan Monday to “take America back,” starting with a campaign to reignite nationalism . . .
Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, chief researcher at Lebal Drocer Laboratories, added, “It ain’t the size of the spill that matters. It’s the motion of the ocean.” . . .
“I told you so”
INTERNET – According to a new study, an overwhelming majority of online peace activists just want President Obama to get on with bombing Syria.
The study, conducted by the non-partisan Pew Research Center, found that 91% of internet users who identify as peace activists are increasingly impatient to condemn . . .
They walked into his office and stabbed him like it was nothing out of the ordinary, but also like it was something they’d been meaning to do for a long time. . . .