Being President means living under constant threat of sudden rap battles.
Washington, D.C. — King Obama stands up from a throne of human bones and walks onto the balcony overlooking Pennsylvania Avenue.
‘Today is the day,’ he thinks. ‘Today it is finally going to happen.’
Having entered his third stage of molting, Obama sheds . . .
Washington, DC — The absolution of two-party control over American voters is so strong that actual voter fraud is neither necessary nor would it even be detectable if such a need were to arise.
The Socialist Party of America is suspiciously ugly. When compared to the Democratic . . .
Oral sex in the Oval Office is something like a rite-of-passage for any American president. Kennedy had Monroe. Clinton had Lewinsky. Both Bushes had Barbara. And for the first time, the Internet Chronicle can reveal: Obama had Anthony.
Casey came to Washington shortly after a Florida jury found her—rightfully, dutifully, judiciously—not guilty of killing her . . .
Washington, D.C. — As US President Barack Hussein Obama renews some meaningless vow to close down the Guantanamo Bay Cab Driver Spa and Resort, Sony has doubled down their criticisms of the president by offering to release the CIA Torture Report, which contains graphics depictions of torture and rape, for free on Crackle, their in-house . . .
Angstrom H. Truedaberg, the Chronicle’s resident schlemiel, said, “These folks are expressing their right to exist. Many-a-Mensch took to the streets on this July 4th. I’m proud to be a part of such a peaceful, compassionate movement like Liberal Zionism.” . . .
Released to rave reviews, the book has been called “a modern-day woman’s meditation on Freedom, reminiscent of Rand, Woolf, and Morrison,” by the Wall Street Journal. . . .
We let Iraq go because it was no longer profitable to keep it. What good is a broken nation without oil? We need a power player, Iraq. . . .
Six years into Barack Obama’s term, ‘the drone strike madman’ recently executed a series high-profile civilian murders political analysts referred to as “the Columbine of the Middle East.” . . .
Future President George Bush a-huntin’ them Reds
A great leader once asked, “How’s that hopey, changey stuff workin’ out for ya?”
America found her answer. Former President George W. Bush announced a plan Monday to “take America back,” starting with a campaign to reignite nationalism . . .
Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, chief researcher at Lebal Drocer Laboratories, added, “It ain’t the size of the spill that matters. It’s the motion of the ocean.” . . .