Anonymous humiliated

"I really thought we had them, this time..."

Yesterday over 3,000 members of Anonymous showed up in Sony retail outlets around the world. Their stated intent was to raise awareness about how they could not run Linux on a Playstation, a feature Sony has removed due to problems with piracy. Their complaint only helped salesman bring attention to new features in Sony products. Meanwhile, customers mocked and teased “Anons” so deeply that the shame even penetrated their wicked Guy Fawkes masks from V for Vendetta. These “boycotts” were a free publicity gift from Anonymous to Sony that actually increased sales.

This is part of a disturbing new trend for Anonymous, which seems to be increasingly ready to self-destruct all over the wrong targets. After siding with the freedom of speech during the WikiLeaks cablegate crisis, Anonymous has been unable to find an equally righteous cause. Sony has done no wrong that their customers can even understand. Failing to see this fact time and time again, the “hyper-conscious” Anonymous has acted out their own “We do not forgive” mantra until it’s turned into real-life public humiliation.

Completely unable to recognize the views of the outside world, the ever more cult-like Anonymous is left to grapple with its internal power structures. The respect that leaders within “Operation” Payback gained from attacking Mastercard, Paypal, and Visa in defense of Julian Assange has been used to turn a one-off “operation” into several months of humiliating failures. The creators of “Operation” Payback are simply choosing targets to keep their peons interested. As Anonymous continues to claim that they have no leaders, the world wonders why they’re acting like they do. The leaders of “Operation” Payback are coercing actions out of Anonymous.

Anonymous claims to be self-critical and self-correcting. Anonymous claims to have no leadership. Yet any criticism of leadership within Anonymous leads to excommunication. They will say “it cannot possibly happen, because we are anarchic.” This naive idea is encoded into the culture. To criticize the individuals who do clearly lead will often result in Anons making the equivalent of an argument for divine right. They have taken the reins of Anarchy, so they deserve their power. Quite wrongly, Anons often refer to this idea as meritocracy.

Another tactic to deflect attention from the growth of the cult leader class are the “democratic” mechanisms within Anonymous. Anyone who has witnessed a vote in action can not help but wonder: How is it that a group of around fifty voters represents the hundreds or thousands that it takes to carry out protests and attacks? It is fairly obvious that the cult leaders of Anonymous use democracy only as a show to maintain a positive identity.

Anonymous isn’t anarchy.

Anonymous isn’t meritocracy.

Anonymous isn’t democracy.

Anonymous is cult.

Modern Warfare 2: "If this is war, I wanna be there!"

Full Metal Jacket: Modern Warfare 2Some time has passed since the release of Infinity Ward’s newest installment in the reluctantly-named Call of Duty series. This is why the Elf Wax Times has gone untouched for one week, with the exception of the new Lightning Ticker which adorns our beloved header. The Lightning Ticker is based on the Elf Waxian concept of the “Lightning Study,” currently in production at Lebal Drocer Laboratories, involving only a glance at raw facts and data as a means for writing an informed report. You’re welcome.

Our entrenched reporter, Viet Zam, has been in Modern Warfare 2 since it spawned November 10. Having received no contact from him in 72 hours, he is presumed dead.

The staff writers, the Media Mogul himself, Cold Hard Truth, billb(o), and Noah [biblical figure], have concluded that Modern Warfare 2 on Playstation 3 is the Official Game of The Elf Wax Times, and so should you. We’ve rated the game 10/10 and found that it contains nothing harmful to society or individuals unless ground into a fine dust and inhaled.

The only real problem with the game is that it keeps us from bringing you the truth. But, doesn’t that figuratively stand for truth? Shit, we’d be liars just by printing something. You don’t want to read something we didn’t want to write, and we don’t want to write shit you don’t wish to read, so we hope you’re enjoying Modern Warfare 2 as much as we are here at The Elf Wax Times office.

Being too busy playing MW2 to review, we decided to get some outside help on this one. YouTube provides a service for us all, and Viacom. Check out what our guest critic had to say about the game:

“Call of Duty 4 and 5 is okay, but fuck it…I was expectin’ it to be like Call of Duty  5 or better, better than fuckin’ better things, but shit!”

Seventeen hours straight
Seventeen hours straight